NewsApril 18, 2014 at 4:45 pm

New Guys Coming To Penn

1662183_863346290360579_2455076474289193282_nWho’s that girl…. it’s SPEC!

In an out-of-the-blue Facebook post, SPEC Film announced that the celebrity train hasn’t yet pulled away from Penn Station. They encouraged us to “keep our eyes and ears open” for Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans, Jr. from Fox’s hit TV show New Girl, who are coming to Houston Hall on Tuesday at 5:30pm to promote their new movie “Let’s Be Cops.” Judging by the trailer, it looks like Nick and Coach are going on a super fun and super illegal adventure.

Head down to Houston to meet them and possibly play a game of True American. Maybe Jake will even be giving his famous Nick Miller Lap Dances. The possibilities are endless. The real question is why isn’t Schmitt gracing us with his presence on the last day of Passover??

FeaturesApril 18, 2014 at 11:22 am

Flyerer of the Week: Counterparts

counterpartsWith the warmer weather arriving on campus, you would think people have let go of the fleeting fad that was “Frozen” right?  Oh so wrong.  For today’s Flyerer of Week, UTB caught up with Counterparts who is putting on “Do You Want to Build a Show, Man?”  this weekend, a Frozen-themed a capella extravaganza. Yayyyyyyyy…..

Tell us about your group and your show.
We are Counterparts, Penn’s premiere pop and jazz, coed a capella group, and our spring show is this weekend! We will be singing such a wide variety of songs, from Ella Fitzgerald to The Beatles to David Guetta, so you know it’s going to be great.

So no Frozen songs?
Well, we do sing some in the promo video we made!  (You can check it out here, it’s actually pretty darn adorable). But also, our show title is a bit misleading because earlier a family stopped by our table and were really interested in buying tickets because the kids saw the Frozen poster; we did not discourage them.

Shhhh we won’t tell. So what are some techniques you guys use to stand out on the walk?
I’ve shouted, “Hey do you like sports? Then you’re gonna love a capella!” at someone before. Also, we don’t have flyers this year and instead we are using snowflakes…

Is there a huge flyer shortage or something going on that we don’t know about?
Nah man, we are just trying to save the world, one quarter sheet at a time.

How environmentally friendly of you guys! So any last show details you want to share?
Well we are doing this cool deal with Off the Beat, where if you buy tickets to both shows, you get to go to both concerts for only $12! Other than that, our show is Friday at 8:30 pm and Saturday at 6 pm in Iron Gate Theater. Regular tickets are $8 on the walk, $10 at the door, and $7 for a group of 8 or more.

NewsApril 18, 2014 at 9:27 am

It’s the Circle of Life, And It Moves Us All

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Yes, you’re right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked “accept” on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA

FeaturesApril 17, 2014 at 5:27 pm

The Penn Plagues

ten-plagues-collage-imageAs Frogro runs out of Matzah and Sweetgreen engages in religious profiling to hand some out, we thought it might be interesting to explore what might have happened if the Passover story occurred a little closer to Penn. Lets say, if John Legend (Moses) couldn’t convince Amy-G (Pharoh) that he should be freed from being the only alumni worthy of the public view, then this…

1) Blood-All Beverages Turn to Franzia

Now this might not initially get you believing in another God, but rest assured, drinking exclusively Franzia will lock you in a BYO from hell. Want a glass of water? Maybe a shot? No. Blush from now until you crack from the never ending hangover.

2) Frogs-Mice

If this plague came, we’re not sure off-campus residents, or anyone at Penn, would notice much of a difference. Once your floor is 80% traps, 20% carpet, things can’t get much worse.

3) Lice-Lice

Enjoy taking those prof pic worthy shots with your besties as you gently lay you head next to theirs? Get ready for the itch as recent studies are declaring a selfie induced lice epidemic. As Marcy McQuillan so eloquently put it: “Selfies are fun, but the dangers are real.”

4) Wild Animals- Squirrels

Whether they are climbing into windows, attacking backpacks or dancing provocatively outside the Rosengarten windows, Penn squirrels are already out of control. Add a little divine fury to the mix, and those furry tailed terrors will pelt us with nuts till they get the respect they deserve.

Read the rest of this entry »

FLING2K14April 17, 2014 at 3:38 pm

Career Services Assists Drunk Senior In Need

cheese email

Remember fall of your freshman year when you were so excited to get emails? Forget doing your own laundry or managing your finances (lol); having more than three unread messages is adulthood.

Fast forward to now, when your jaded, bitter self ventures into your inbox with resignation and disgust. The biggest targets for our collective contempt are those email superstars (we’re looking at you, Troy) who send so many emails that some among us believe we’ve formed a personal relationship with them. Last Friday, Senior Associate Director of Career Services Claire Klieger sent an email to the senior class. The subject line read “Fling into the possibilities!”, with Ms. Klieger going on to say, “Yes, I went there, but this is the time of year to embrace the “cheese” so…Happy Fling!” One Flinging Senior decided to dig deeper and uncover the hidden meaning of this Career Services email, resulting in the email chain in the picture above.

We must applaud Ms. Klieger for her timely, informative and friendly responses. Maybe she thought that at 2 p.m., she was communicating with a sober and soon-to-be productive member of society. Maybe she didn’t. But it’s comforting to know that when we stand dazed and confused, pondering the mysteries of the emails flooding our inbox, crying out into the void – someone is listening. 

ShutterButtonApril 17, 2014 at 10:59 am

Caterpillar Rejects Becoming Beautiful Butterfly, Chooses to Die in Hill Cereal Bowl


In case the image isn’t quite clear, THIS IS A CATERPILLAR THAT WAS  FOUND LITERALLY IN THE FOOD AT HILL. It’s been a long time since first grade, but we don’t  remember our teachers saying that a chrysalis is often best constructed from tuna noodle casserole. Will this tasty lil’ larva ever become a beautiful butterfly? Unclear. But all we can do besides never set foot in Hill again for the rest of our lives is hope for the best. Godspeed, insect friend, godspeed.

34th Street MagazineApril 17, 2014 at 9:55 am


04.17issueThis time of year is about being the best. Best in your class, best formal date, best internship, best first warm day outfit. At Street, we always look for the best…so we can share it with you.

This week, we are proud to present this year’s Best of Penn, from the best wax (useful) to the best place to get down, the best use for bursar (it may surprise you) and many more. Share the best part of your day with us on instagram using #bestofpenn and help us make the last few weeks the best they can be.

Do you want more?

Duh, you’re the best of the best. Food and Drink has the best things to eat in Philadelphia, Arts has the best artsy dates for you and your boo. Backpage has  alumni superlatives. Film has the best Penn shoutouts from the small screen. As you craft your finals playlist, check out best and worst lyrics. Ego has an Ego with a lot to say. You’ll want to read this. They also have the worst of Penn, because it’s not all roses. Find your new favorite holiday as Lowbrow combines Passover, Easter and 4/20. The best Round Up always comes after fling.

Come to our final writer’s meeting of the year. It may be the best yet. 6:30 pm @ 4015 Walnut.

FLING2K14April 16, 2014 at 7:20 pm

Worst and Best of Fling Tanks 2k14

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For those of you too drunk to remember, there were a plethora of Fling tanks this year, as always. Some were actually amusing. Some were unpleasantly boring. Some were desperately unclever. We get it, you wanted to stand out, and for better or worse, we noticed you. So accept our awards and comments with honor and pride, or remorse and defeat, we don’t know your life. Firstly…

UTB and 34th Street present: The Best Tanks You Will Ever Wear

Screen Shot 2014-03-24 at 6.33.48 PM Read the rest of this entry »

NewsApril 16, 2014 at 4:12 pm

NYT Declares Penn Super Relevant

Screen shot 2014-04-16 at 3.03.36 AM

Who needs to be first place in academics or athletics when you can be first place in popularity? A recent article in the New York Times reported that the number of applications to Penn this year rose by 14.4%, the highest of all Ivies. Apps to Dartmouth decreased the most, by 14.2%. While Dean Furda attributes this newfound popularity to greater outreach efforts, we can’t help but think it’s because of the Qdoba on campus. At least this increase in apps explains the unwelcome hordes of naive tour groups invading campus every day.

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