Hey Quakers, UTB here. Think we packed up and left with the rest of you for an impressive internship in New York or a backpacking trip through the Swiss Alps? Ha, think again. Our only plans include keeping you updated all summer long.

That’s right, we’re not going anywhere. So keep your eyes peeled for both Philly-centric summer features and all things Penn. Contrary to popular belief, life does go on on Locust even after the semester ends – though we’re not sure how Sweetgreen makes a profit without all you sorority betches around.

And with that, we wish you a relaxing and productive summer! Remember to keep our tip box full, and feel free to publicize every poor decision you make on Facebook so we can call you out on it. Ah, we’re missing you already.

Well, for a while at least. The world’s premier Hindi a capella group, also known as Penn Masala topped the iTunes “World Music” chart. In other words, their new album Kaavish is basically going platinum.

If you haven’t gotten the chance yet, now that it’s summer and the “kaavish” (Urdu translation: struggle) of finals is over you can totally check it out on their website, SoundCloud, or of course iTunes.

And if you’re still looking for a belated Mother’s Day gift, send her this Mother’s Day music video. A YouTube video in Hindi is the perfect present for the mom who’s got everything.

This fire hydrant gives a whole new meaning to “bra burning.” After what we presume must have been a pretty steamy night of second base under the stars, the evidence remains for the public to see. Speaking of (36-)Cs, head out to Hamilton Walk to retrieve your lost-and-found before your parents do!

Alas, we’ve hit that crucial point during finals: some people are done and others still have exams on Monday and Tuesday. Good thing there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s a list of the five best ways to procrastinate in these last few days of darkness:

1. Actually use the library resources…to dirty-chat the librarians ;)

2. And if that doesn’t quite do it for ya, there’s always 50 Shades fan-fiction. Because we know that finals week is a time when most students get a little horny restless. 

3. If you’re looking for something a little more PG, bounce the cats on cat-bounce!

4. But if you want to feel semi-productive, you can kick it high school-style with this. What’s that? There no quiz to prepare you for your OPIM final? No worries, because there is a way to test your knowledge of these.

5.Watch the Godfather trilogy…on a computer in the Forum. We’re sure no one will mind!

Happy studying!

In Philly for the summer? Us too. While UTB will keep you posted on each week’s particular happenings, this helpful Philly spring-and-early-summer festival guide from Uwishunu is worth a read.

During the next two months, every possible culture and special interest group is capitalizing on the gorge weather with a big celebration. Best of all, festival-hopping will cost you nada! For example, this weekend is the South Street Spring Festival, the Kite Festival at Penn Treaty Park, the Strawberry Festival, and the Broad Street Run. Here’s to your next Facebook album!

Therapy dogs are common on campus amidst finals season, but all them canines are put to shame by the CUTEST little nugget of a puppy, aptly named Lentil, who has become a bit of a viral celebrity. The French bulldog puppy was born with a cleft palate and just turned three months old yesterday (happy b-day, bb).

The 3ish-pound pooch has the most adorable deformity in all of the (internet) land and has developed a cult following on Facebook, even making the leap to BuzzFeed. Mommy’s been feeding him through a tube, but a campaign from adoring fans raised money for his surgery, scheduled for May 28…at PENN VET.

Yep, we’ve landed the most high-profile canine operation in months (Mom blogged the vets “are amazing to worth with“), so if you’re in Philly over the summer, wade through the paparazzi at the Vet School at the end of the month to bring Lentil some treats! And until then, it’s LENTIL FEST this weekend, complete with concerts and an “everything but the fleas” market. Thanks for choosing Penn – WE LOVE YOU LENTIL! <3

As final season draws to a close, we decided to sit down with one randomly chosen senior, who may or may not have won a raffle with a profile post as a prize, and allow him to reflect on his last final as a college student. Grab some tissues; this one’s a tearjerker.

UTB: Before we start, how do you feel about me distorting your words to make you sound funnier?

WM: If it’s possible. I’m pretty funny.

UTB: Already doing it….So, what was your final final as a Penn student?

WM: Advanced negotiations.

UTB: Nice. How did you feel when you finished?

WM: How I always feel after I finish. Tired, happy, and ready to get out of there. *wink*

UTB: Did you just wink at me? Anyway, what were you thinking when you handed it in?

Cliffhanger! Click here to read more

Finals are just about over and you know what that means! Freshmen everywhere are rolling those giant cardboard carts out of the Quad (tear) and back to the suburbs. Looks like a couple of them realized that Mom and Dad wouldn’t exactly appreciate finding these bottles stuck between the shower flops and Target sheets and ditched the Svedka on the Hamilton side of the Lower Quad Gate. Side note: who had the Jack? Why aren’t we friends?

You heard us! According to the Columbia Business School Newsroom, Ron Perelman, namesake of an assortment of schools and buildings and quads on campus, has pledged to donate $100 million to the creation of Columbia’s “Manhattanville.” But, we cry, he didn’t even go there!

Sure, we’re grateful for the recent Valentine’s gift, but seriously, Ron? In the Newsroom article, you say that Columbia Business School “has its finger on the pulse of the changing nature of business education” but what about your dear two-time alma mater?

We guess it shouldn’t have been a huge surprise, but we thought what we had was *special*! You better have something AWESOME planned for our anniversary.