Street‘s resident film mavens, Julie Steinberg and Jess Spiegelman, have provided us with a comprehensive — and amusing — liveblog of last night’s Oscar ceremony. Whether you watched or not, Julie and Jess’s insights are good for your health.
0:03: Hugh Jackman is singing about human excrement to Kate Winslet. She laughs, but looks kind of uncomfortable.
0:05: Jeez, Anne Hathaway sings too? That girl is annoyingly awesome.
0:19: Penelope Cruz talks about how she used to stay up late to watch the Oscars as a little girl in Spain. The whole Kodak theater says, “Awwwwwww.”
0:23: Any Tina Fey-tigue we might have had is gone. Her presentation with Steve Martin is perfection.
0:31: Slumdog Oscar #1, for Best Adapted Screenplay.
0:32: Someone at the Oscars has a wicked sense of humor: cutting to Angelina while Jennifer Aniston is presenting? Awwwwkward.
0:36: Surprise! Wall-E wins for Best Animated Feature. Oh wait. That was obvious.
0:40: The Japanese winner for Animated Short Film says, “Domo arigato, Mr. Robato.” Holy crap, says Hollywood, foreign people are funny!
0:55: Robert Pattinson looks like a serial killer. Shudder.
0:56: Oscar loves a great montage, and so do we. Especially when they’re about love stories.
1:02: Oh, Hollywood, you make such great, vicious fun of Joaquin Phoenix!
1:05: Slumdog Oscar #2, for Cinematography.
1:09: Is Jessica Biel wearing a toga?
1:12: Judd. Apatow. Is. A. Genius. The Seth Rogen/James Franco tribute to 2008’s comedies may be the funniest movie of 2009.
1:17: James Franco cannot pronounce name of the winner for Live Action Short Film, and Seth Rogen laughs at him. They’re awesome. Maybe they will be our friends.
1:22: Hugh Jackman is singing again. Why, Oscar gods, why?
1:33: Hmmmm. Wonder who’s gonna win supporting actor?
1:38: Heath Ledger? Seriously? Glad I didn’t have money on that.
1:39: Whoops. Heartbreaking acceptance speech by Ledger’s family makes previous sarcasm seem mean. We promise, Hollywood, we’re sad about Heath’s death too.
1:46: Holy crap, the French guy is balancing an Oscar on his face! That’s just awesome.
2.01: Slumdog Oscar #3, for Sound Mixing.
2.05: Slumdog Oscar #4, for Editing.
2:15: Jerry Lewis accepts his Honorary Oscar, and all the male actors in the room imagine playing him someday. We’re looking at you, Sean Penn.
2:24: Slumdog Oscar #5, for Best Original Score.
2:31: Slumdog Oscar #6, for Best Original Song.
2:34: It’s been more than an hour since we’ve seen Hugh Jackman. Isn’t he supposed to be the host?
2:35: There he is. Welcome back, Hugh.
2:41: In Memoriam: Dear Paul Newman, we will miss your talent. Also, you were very, very hot. Love, J and J.
2:50: Slumdog Oscar #7. Danny Boyle wins Best Director, and accepts the award in the spirit of Tigger. If we ever win an Academy Award, we will accept it in the spirit of Piglet, because he’s really the underdog of the One Hundred Acre Woods.
3:02: Kate Winslet finally wins an Oscar! Which just goes to show that, if you want something enough, talk about wanting it enough, and are as talented as Kate Winslet, you just might get it!
3:04: OMFG, Kate’s dad just whistled so she would know where he’s sitting. We want the Winslets to adopt us.
3:16: Sean Penn has a verbal tic. Oh, wait, that’s just his incessant need to mention Obama whenever he speaks. Yeah, Sean, we’re glad we have an “elegant” President too, but he already won. Move on.
3:18: To the person who made the Best Picture montage: be our Valentine? Intercutting this year’s nominees with thematically similar past winners was a brilliant idea.
3:23: Slumdog Oscar #8: Best Picture. All is right with the world – according to Jess, at least.