Several readers have written in to alert us that the trailer for Transformers 2 is online, and Penn’s quadrangle makes a rather prominent appearance about 20 seconds in.  Penn geeks, what would we ever do without you?  Check out the trailer below, or for a more clear version, click here.

The head of library security just interrupted our Rosengarten-based procrastination-fest to announce that two laptops and a wallet were stolen from the first floor of Van Pelt this afternoon. He proceeded to warn us not to leave our valuables when we go to get coffee, because there’s a mad laptop thief loose in the building! (Well, he may not have used those exact words. But that was the gist.) Said klepto swiped two laptops and a wallet in thirty minutes. So we’re pissed, but actually also kind of impressed.

Mostly, though, we are disheartened. Van Pelt is supposed to be a safe haven, a place where hard workers can wander away from their highly valuable electronics without a second thought. We can’t be expected to actually take responsibility for our computers and wallets! What’s next? Paying for our food? Throwing out our trash? This aggression will not stand, man.

Now, security guards—or are they cops? Ah!—are wandering around the building, presumably hot on the trail of the bandits. Here’s hoping they catch the bad guy soon. We don’t want to schlep all our stuff with us when we leave for half an hour to get dinner.

Looking at One Liberty Place from the Pyramid Club on 17th and Market.

What did we see on Chancellor tonight? No, not Hoodie Allen. This totally bizarre flyer:

Have you seen an “extremely hideous” egg roll thief with “bad breath?” Yeah, we don’t get it either.

How can you effortlessly communicate your lameness?  Talk about Twitter IRL, forget to plug in your headphones while you’re listening to Miley Cyrus in Van Pelt, and wear this shirt, which Penn’s Office of Health Education is selling for just $5. You’re welcome.

Another stampede victim

UTB hears that tensions are high over in Van Pelt’s Weigle digital media lab, where students must strategize if they want a chance to print out their end-of-the-semester-project-’n'-thesis posters.  The lab prints just seven posters today, a tipster (who was coincidentally eighth in line this morning) tells us.  Our tipster planned ahead, arriving at the library a full fifteen minutes before it opened for the day, but was not prepared for what happened next: “at 8:30, when the library opened, a literal stampede charged towards weigle, people running like wild animals.”  Alas, the only remaining option was Campus Copy, for twice the price. Please join us in our outrage. This is extortion! A shakedown! Highway robbery!

Everybody’s saying Texts From Last Night is the new FML.  To which we say: whatevskis, 34st Street totally had this idea back in 2007.  But yeah, Omk. I’m shitggaved om loincoln.

And for good measure, here are some Texts From Your UTB Editor’s Phone:

(732): Hahaha…Donnelly’s in the “HELL YEAH I’m a hot MILF!!!” Fb group

Donnelly was our (male) AP US History teacher in 10th grade.

(917): This isn’t just another attempt to get psuedo name dropped again. Am I the only one who keeps getting stuck in vp elevators???

Everyone wants to be name-dropped on UTB!

(215): I could swear I just saw Liberty getting on a bus!

In reference to Degrassi’s Liberty Van Zandt, presumably.

(917): Our neighbors in the back are playing faded.. We def started that comeback!!

We heard you, mystery frat boys, and take full credit for the soulDecision renaissance.

Have a funny text?  No one cares.  Comment!

Is it mink or fox?

After 15 hours of elections (maybe it’s just us, but that’s an insanely long amount of time), the Undergraduate Assembly announced its new leadership for ’09-’10. The new chairman, College sophomore Alec Webley, looks most dashing in this photo we found on his Facebook.

Finals-15 is the new Freshman-15.

Has finals season left you stress-eating your way through Hill’s buffet line? Do you feel guilty for all of those times when you chose a slice of Allegro’s Buffalo Chicken over the lamp-warmed frozen pizza at Commons?

Your parents threw down thousands of dollars so that you could enjoy all-you-can-eat dining hall fare, but the fact is, you probably didn’t. Instead of letting your leftover meals go to waste, stop by 1920 Commons, Hill or Kings Court tonight between 5 and 8, and donate them! We aren’t completely sure how this works, but the gist of it is that Penn has pledged to use money that would have been spent on these meals to purchase food in bulk and donate it to a homeless shelter.

It only takes a minute, and there’s bound to be a dining hall on the way to your actual dinner spot of choice.

Now that the semester is over, you might actually have the time to expand your eatery horizons beyond the vast selection of burritos offered by Chipotle. We’ve already showed you how to find food right around campus, but we have a feeling you’re a little bored of the Penn Bubble. We’re going to trust that you’ve read Street‘s oh-so-official Dining Guide so many times the pages have worn thin and it’s no longer legible. Well, worry not, because someone must have told Philadelphia Magazine about our love of lists (see also: things that are the best, people we envy, sex histories, bad metaphors) AND our need for… feed… because they have compiled The Philly Mag 50: the top fifty restaurants in Philadelphia. We give their list the Street Stamp of Approval (especially because we’ve recommended some of their top choices before!) so if you’re in the market for a new place to satisfy your munchies – or, you know, take a study break – be sure to scope it out.

In a bro-tastic move that would make John Blutarsky proud, members of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity took advantage of the gorgeous weather this week by creating a giant pool in their front yard.

Thanks to Alan d’Escragnolle (W ’11) for the photos!

Check out this magnificent lack of foresight by whoever makes the advertisements for Vitamin Water, currently on display in Williams Cafe:

Too soon?

Fisher Fine Arts does most things right. One thing it still needs to master? Temperature control. The last round of reading days saw FFA turned into a veritable icebox. This round of reading days, FFA is feeling more than a bit sauna-like. A sign posted yesterday reads:

TOO HOT?!!! 

The University is aware that the Fisher Fine Arts Library is too hot. 

They are working to remedy the situation.

A day later, our beloved FFA is still toasty. A lone industrial-sized fan is circulating some air, but that’s pretty hard to do in the reading room. So, “University,” please get on this ASAP. How else are we supposed to pass MATH170??

Our friend Brian Hwang writes in with some observations on the Penn student body.

NB to Tae: stole this from your FB album, is that ok?

We’re not sure what it is about the ninety-degree heat that brings out the hotness is all of us, but everyone seems much more attractive today than they did during the rainy season in between Fling and last weekend. In the past few days, excessive temperatures have brought out the gladiator sandals, high-waisted skirts and oversized sunglasses that make the Penn face so much more appealing. Whatever it is, hopefully it continues after the air conditioning turns on and finals begin.

Who, moi?

Remember when China had that outbreak of bird flu? Yeah, that was fun. Now it’s our turn to have a zoologically-themed flu. Birds ain’t really appropriate for the supersized American population, are they? We needed something more… obese sounding.

Thank god there is a disease called “swine flu.” (It’s unfortunate that there is an outbreak, but you have to admit, the poetic justice is undeniable.) According to the Center for Disease Control’s Twitter — yeah, they’ve got one — there have been 40 confirmed cases. The outbreak primarily in New York, with 28 of the 40 cases being there.

Look’s like the swine flu has the Big Apple in it’s mouth.  But careful, Penn, you know this campus has a penchant for incubating epidemiological disasters…