The World Series starts tonight! But we can see on your face that you’re worried. You’re thinking, “I want to root for the Phillies so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when I riot following their victory but I don’t even know who this Utley guy is whose costume I’m wearing.” First of all, it’s called a jersey or a uniform. Second of all, stop being so anxious! We got you.
Here are the Official Under The Button Top Five World Series Fun Facts to break out when you want to look like a regular old Buster Olney in front of all your friends:
1) The New York media has been attacking the Phillies with two of our favorite weapons: wordplay and Photoshop.
2) Yankees Third Baseman Alex Rodriguez is playing in his first World Series. Here’s a picture he took one time.
3) Pedro Martinez is set to start game 2 for the Phillies. He has a long-running feud with the Yankees and once suggested he should bean the zombie corpse of Babe Ruth.
4) This gross and sad thing happened.
5) Phillies Shortstop Jimmy Rollins predicted a Philadelphia win in five games. We’re saying Yankees in six. However, he’s been right about these kinds of things plenty of times and we’ve never accurately guessed the outcome of a big game, so don’t put any money on this based on our prediction.
Okay, you’re all set now – have fun watching, guys! Don’t destroy too much property if the Phillies win or quietly sob too much if they don’t.