Wow, Ivy Leaguers Can Be The Worst Sometimes

Last week, the New York Times wrote about this thing called the Ivy Plus Society. Basically, a bunch of single ladies and guys who went to prestigious universities get together to network and bat eyelashes at one another. Anyone can pay the $15 and show up, but those without the proper pedigree will probably be cold shouldered and snobby-commented right out the door. You can read all about the Society here. Thankfully, no Penn alums are featured in the article, but as an Ivy League school, we can’t help but feel guilty and gross by association. Let’s take a look at some quotes.

If you thought the importance of where you went to college had withered with each passing day since graduation, this group is here to say it can be put back in the forefront, and on your name tag.

This reminds us of people who were still talking about SAT scores during NSO or girls in 11th grade who were still talking about who had the swankiest Bat Mitzvah. Can you imagine if those two groups of annoying people started a society where they talked about reading comprehension and DJs who gave out blow-up guitars and oversized sunglasses? Wait, maybe that’s a bad analogy because that actually sounds like a society we’d want to be a part of.

More after the jump…

“It’s an environment where it’s easy to talk to new people and you have some shared common background,” said Jennifer Wilde Anderson, the founder of Ivy Plus. “You can say: ‘Hi James, you went to Harvard? My brother went there.’ Or, ‘You went to Dartmouth? I remember when we used to sail there and the awesome Dartmouth regatta parties.’ ”

Right, because if this place weren’t so exclusive, you’d run into people and have to say things like, “You went to a state school? We have nothing in common. Get out of my face. The venn diagram of our interests is a set of two circles that never touch. Ugh, you probably don’t even know what a venn diagram IS.’”

Ben Pike, a 2006 Georgetown graduate…said he hoped to meet New York women who were more than merely gorgeous. “I’ve been in the city three years and dated girls who are legitimate models, and that gets old,” said Mr. Pike, who works in private equity. “I have high standards. I’ve met people who are really smart but don’t have it together socially, and people who are fun but may not offer more mentally.”

Actually, no, this one we understand. We are always dating models – LEGITIMATE models – and sometimes it’s like, “You girls are merely gorgeous! Why can’t you just offer more mentally? Then you would meet our high standards.” Because it is so difficult waking up in the morning knowing that we may never find our soul mate, and then looking over and seeing yet another merely gorgeous model in our bed, which only salts this heart wound even further. It really does make life one long, drawn out punch to the stomach, but jeez, we’d never tell the New York Times that.

A couple of guests were called out for not having gone to Ivy Plus universities, she said, and one gentleman began rattling off his other accomplishments.

“The guy went to, like, Illinois,” she said, trying to recall the college.

“I don’t remember,” she added. ”But his friend kept saying, ‘You’re not even a plus.’ ”

Yeah, why would you ever want to talk to someone who’s not a plus? Like someone who went to Illinois, for example. That place would never produce an astronaut or a Best Director or a founder of YouTube. Better to just look at the school on the name tag and judge accordingly. And thanks to “You’re not even a plus,” we FINALLY have a catch-phrase to replace “You are the weakest link! Good bye!” as our go-to zinger, which is good because that was so close to being played out.