This is your friendly Street reminder to GET YOUR SHOUTOUTS IN BY SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15TH AT NOON. The following is a spattering of previously published Shoutouts for your inspiration. Though these are some oldies but goodies, we know you can do better, assholes.
To Penn guys: We know it was hard to get into this school, so why can’t you stay hard to get into me?
To my Math 170 Prof: So you’re a tad overweight – it’s fine. You’re funny as shit, so I’d do you anyway. It would be like a night in the sack with Roseanne.
To the big Jew I hooked up with during NSO: Sorry your roommates thought I was loud, I was just trying to make you stop.
To the Izzy and Zoe’s lady with a face growing on her herpes: Stop working in the food service industry.
To the loquacious Writer’s House senior who has been in three of my f-ing writing seminars and talks incessantly about her breasteses and how much everyone else’s papers are “cliche” and “stale”: Shut the fuck up. Shut. the. Fuck. up. Seriously, shut the fuck up.
To my roommate who memorized my schedule so he knows when to masturbate: I’m skipping Econ on Monday.
And remember: send ‘em to email@example.com!