PennetrationFebruary 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Pennetration, Edition 3: The Inexperienced Freshman And The Sentimental Frat Guy

I was a prude. It’s pretty undeniable. In high school, the pool of eligible bachelors (if you can call them that) seemed exponentially smaller every year, so let’s just say the sex scene at college was a shock to me. Here I was, the same skinny long-haired brunette I had been four months earlier, but now boys were not just interested, they were pursuing me! Things moved rapidly: the second night of NSO I innocently asked an older boy where the bathroom was and five minutes later he was convincing me to come back to his apartment. Needless to say, my freshman year very quickly became an experiment in regrettable hookups.

Fast forward to second semester. I felt infinitely more comfortable in my skin than I had just months before. And after yet another relationship/hookup/arrangement/whatever-you-want-to-call-it fizzled, I had no qualms about going out with the intention of getting some. And that is exactly how the following story started.

It had been a particularly rough week. My first round of midterms was consolidated between Tuesday and Thursday and when my last exam was finished I was ready to go out hard. After my exam finished, I waited until a acceptable cocktail hour to start with the Smirnoff, but it seems that beyond that, I had little semblance of propriety. Conveniently enough, it was the night of my sorority’s crush party, so a pregame with some members of the male species had already been arranged—all I had to do was show up. Before I knew it, we were leaving the Quad in that familiar line of cabs and waiting for the coat check. Soon thereafter, the girls I came with started to splinter off: some into smaller groups of girls, others with a boy. I was one of the others. I had gotten the attention of a senior boy who, honestly, I didn’t think was that cute, but seemed very interested. I obliged. He bought me a drink. We danced. He bought me some more drinks.

Like so many other nights out, it gets hazy from there. The next thing I remember is waking up in his bed. We were both drunk and I was a willing participant in whatever happened, I just didn’t remember what that was. As I rolled over, my ruffling in the sheets woke him up. And that’s when he said,

“I guess we’re not having morning sex.”

I suppose we had had sex the night before. It’s one thing to try to make a move when you wake up—to pull me close or start to kiss me, but it is certainly another to be this bold. I suddenly started screaming in my head: “GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” I engaged him in some quick banter, but my mind was focused only on the fastest escape route.

Inexplicably, things actually managed to get worse. I had accepted my impending walk of shame, but I asked if I could borrow a t-shirt to lessen my embarrassment. I started to look through his drawer and found a Disney World tee that looked like it was my size. I grabbed it and put it on. It was so small it didn’t even fit me. In a sad turn of events, he proceeded to inform me that it was a sentimental shirt from his childhood, and I couldn’t have it. So he asked me to pass it to him, and he put the stupid t-shirt on. It was like fat man in a little coat, but an average sized frat boy in a baby tee. We both laughed: him sincerely and me out of awkwardness. Finally I decided to just get dressed in what I had worn the night before and head out.

To give you a picture, I was wearing the color-block American Apparel dress that every freshman girl in 2008 owned and wore on at least a weekly basis (mine was black and purple) and leopard heels. I felt very confident the night before, but in the light of day… not so much. I walked out of his house beyond the borders of Beige Block and I was lost. I actually had to ask someone on the street which direction the Penn campus was. Finally, I saw Allegro and I thought I was home-free. Just as I started to remember what it was like to have a shred of dignity, a homeless man yelled in my direction, “Damn girl!  You just made my day!” I’m so glad this experience was positive for someone.

23 People have left comments on this post


By bored on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

yawn.

By srsly on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

next time you write a fill-in-the-blank story, at least fill in the freakin blanks.

By pointless on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

so, only girls will be writing these stories?
what’s the point of this again? to brag about lame, mostly drunken, sex?

By whattt on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

um. so what? this basically describes your average freshman year one-night stand. been there done that.
a sex blog, at least a good one, shouldn’t be this boring, nor should it be over-the-top and cheesy (like the tucker max entry). find something in the middle. please.

By T.Blair on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

yawn II.

By Cinch on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Snore

By a guy on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

For the third time in a row, Pennetration has not only disappointed, but disillusioned me. Are there really so many girls at Penn interested in vapid, casual sex that their stories have overwhelmed the UTB inboxes? Or are these just the stories that the UTB staff feels like sharing, propagating a shameless stereotype of Penn women? I’m by no means pushing abstinence or prudishness, and I’m glad to hear that our freshman narrator is now more comfortable in her own skin, but is the prevailing opinion that all this craziness is necessary to become so? There are actually some decent guys at Penn, guys that aren’t out to force girls into doing more than they feel comfortable with, wouldn’t make a girl take a walk of shame, etc., but it seems impossible to find a girl that doesn’t gravitate to these ridiculously uncomfortable situations. Really, if you wake up in the morning and think “get me the hell out of here,” don’t you have to pause for a minute and wonder why you ended up there in the first place?

By End it on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

The problem with a sex blog is that it will only attract the writings of slutty girls detailing their painfully unremarkable sexcapades. Ok, so the Tucker Max story was pretty unique–but the sluttiness stands. Really, it’s just not that interesting. You know what might actually work? People in relationships talking about their sex lives. Discovering things. You know, something with a redeeming element to it. That might be why Lena Chen is so popular. Whatever you think about her, there is something to be said about having a running story, and seeing the sex in the context of relationships and against a backdrop of real life. Of course, that can’t happen with these anonymous blogs. And that’s why Pennetration is destined to be a failure. Can you think of a type of entry that’s really going to be anything but a boring recollection of something hundreds of people have experienced, or a gross story about someone who fucked 8 times in one night?

By really? on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

i’m not sure why the editor felt compelled to publish this. publishing for the sake of punctuality — which invariably results in garbage like this — is far worse than publishing good material sporadically.

By Ari on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

wowza chill out-za

By question on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

is pennetration really a faiulure if it attracts this much discussion though?

By Answer on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

yes. all the discussion is about how awful it is…

By m on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

the comments are not a discussion, just criticisms.

By 10-4 on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

who is this chick, anyone know…?

By question part 2 on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

but if their whole goal is generating traffic and buzz , then it is a success.

By Seriously on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Yea, so I wrote on the comments page last time, and I’ll say this again: chill the fuck out. This one was pretty boring, but last time you all complained about the vapidness. Before that it was the gratuitous nature of the sex. Lauren has a point, what the fuck do you all want?

To the UTB editors: Don’t try to please a bunch of stuck-up elitists who can’t stand the idea of unemotional sex. Speaking as someone who likes relationships and hates casual hookups, I understand that there’s an adult world out there with real people who have feelings. But hey, I like reading about other people’s fucked up lives. If other readers don’t, they can read something else.

Honestly, get the fuck over yourselves. Again.

By changethescene on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Honestly, I truly hope UTB plans on having guys write in this blog. Right now, it is simply perpetuating an environment at Penn that has no respect for women because, frankly, this blog makes it seem as though women here have no respect for themselves.

I mean look at the conversation points these posts have brought up… calling women sluts and dirty etc… Its media like this that makes it seem socially acceptable for men to treat women in the disgusting way these posts describe.

And to the people who say chill the fuck out…. Why the fuck do we define sexual liberation as girls having regrettable sexual experiences with people they don’t know and don’t care about… Why hasn’t there been a column yet about a girl who has wild sex three times a day with a man shes been dating for 2 years. Or what I’d really like to see is a column by a guy documenting a one night stand where the girl spanked him so hard she left a mark and then kicked him out of her bed in the morning, leaving him to walk home in his designer jeans and white button down.

gimme some of that, mixed in with the juiciness or these casual hook up stories… and then you will have a blog that does more than perpetuate chauvinistic behavior.

By Hey Lauren... on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Things we might want? There was already a suggestion…

“You know what might actually work? People in relationships talking about their sex lives. Discovering things. You know, something with a redeeming element to it. That might be why Lena Chen is so popular. Whatever you think about her, there is something to be said about having a running story, and seeing the sex in the context of relationships and against a backdrop of real life.”

By or just get someone who can write on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

get someone who can write and is interesting (there must be a few at penn who can do both — this girl doesn’t qualify on either point), and make sure the format is the same for all future posts.

By Remnick on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

The problem with trying to get a guy to write for this blog is that it will invariably end up being seen as misogynist. For some stupid reason, people think that any time that people talk about sex, it demeans women. They don’t. If you’re complaining that this blog is “perpetuating a stereotype,” chill. You’re probably just uncomfortable about the fact that people at Penn engage in casual sex. There’s nothing wrong with that. This blog just shows that for a lot of people, sex is not a big deal, and it’s okay to talk about it.

By vagina warrior on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

maybe UTB isn’t posting more varied stories because PEOPLE WITH MORE INTERESTING STORIES AREN’T SUBMITTING!

for those of you who are in relationships and have a more interesting sex life, step up and write something for yourself and the rest of us

By the other side on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Well I’m in a relationship and I think this stuff is pretty itneresting compared to the routine relationship sex I have.

By j on February 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

haha @
10-4 Says:
February 15th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
who is this chick, anyone know…?

he’s like oh shit maybe that was me in the story who she banged.

“frankly, this blog makes it seem as though women here have no respect for themselves.”
i ask you this,
would a man placed in this story as the main character be considered someone has no respect for himself?

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