PennetrationFebruary 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Pennetration, Edition 4: The Coincidental Abroad Hookup

In this week’s installment of Pennetration, we bring you across many timezones to Australia. The famed junior semester abroad is supposed to be a “cultural experience,” but usually ends up being fueled by sex, drugs and techno music. You take your pick with this tale from way down under:

Before I set sail for my semester abroad in Australia, I frequently fantasized about the possibility of getting lucky on a beach with a gorgeous Australian surfer boy who would rock my world down under, over, and every way in between. But a month and a half in, my fantasies had not yet been translated into reality, leaving me frustrated, horny and on edge…going out every single night with a mission to get some from any man, nationality aside.

Until one night, the most bizarre, coincidental and sexy encounter of my life occurred. My friends and I arrived at a swanky Sydney nightclub, and the first thing I did was look for the nearest bathroom. The downstairs line was ridiculous, so two friendly Australian girls insisted I go to the upstairs bathroom with them where the line would be shorter. I was standing the bathroom line in this bar I wasn’t even planning on going to in the first place, when a hot Aussie man in line behind me decided to strike up a conversation. I mentioned I was from New York, and he responded that he had spent a summer there as a camp counselor. Instantly I realized why I kind of sort of recognized him.

He had been my counselor and my water-ski staff obsession in 2005. Lucas. Hot Lucas. The guy I’d go out of my way to sit on the boat for just to watch the water trickle down his chest. Seriously, what the fuck. We spent the night posted up at the bar, and it didn’t take long for him to seductively whisper in my ear to kiss him. Naturally (and eagerly) I did. I totally wanted to end my night with him, but was bummed when around 3 a.m. my friends were ready to bail. I needed more time! This was the most insane occurrence of my life and if I left I wouldn’t have the chance to capitalize on it. While we stood outside to hail a cab I called and left Lucas a message saying I hoped to see him again.

I went home and immediately began telling my roommates about the ridiculousness of the night and how badly I wanted Lucas to call me back…when he actually did. Lucas lived an hour outside of Sydney but informed me he was staying in his friends’ multi-million dollar apartment overlooking the opera house and Harbour Bridge. I mean c’mawwwn: this could not get better. He offered to pick me up, and despite my insistence that he was too drunk he hopped in his Jeep and was on his way.

We got back to his apartment in the sky and Lucas took me upstairs. We went out on the balcony, watching the pouring rain fall on the harbour, and he cuddled up behind me to warm me up. He started saying things like, “You were my camper, you were so off limits,” and we joked how the camp owner would be distraught if he ever knew what was happening. We hadn’t even kissed yet, but it was sexy and intimate, his head resting in the nape of my neck. After a while we went inside because it was getting cold (it was 4:30 a.m. by this point) and Lucas went to get washed up while I changed into the tiniest pair of shorts I own. He then came into the room and took off his shirt, revealing the exact body – maybe even better – that I sacrificed an entire summer of 7 a.m. wake-ups and shameful water-ski wipeouts just to see. “Ahh that’s the waterfront body,” I said. He smirked the hottest smirk and dropped down to the bed, crawled toward me, and kissed me. We kissed exactly the same.

Things naturally got heated up. Lucas was rough and hot and I knew the sex would be ridiculous if I just didn’t have my damn fucking period. He kissed down my body (you know I’m rocking the black lace boy shorts) and as soon as he reached down there I stopped him. “Look, you have to come back and visit again, this can’t be the last I see of you.” Somehow he put two and two together and said, “Not the week?” I responded, “No. But if you stick around I’ll make sure it’s worth the wait.” In between little kisses I talked of renting a hotel room and not leaving for 24 hours. The guy was dying. He was like “I need to have you, I just won’t look.” I put on my sexy voice and respond, “Where’s the fun in that? I want you to look. And enjoy. And pull out in the end feeling satisfied, not nasty.”

Once again, he was all sexy-muscle and was just roughing it with me. Scratching my back (gently, not porn-star-like), fingers all up in my hair, hands running over every part of my body and grabbing my ass. Making sounds like “Ugh you’re killing me.” I decided to be nice, run my tongue along each wholly admired ab, and give him head. He was HUGE. I took my time, loving when he put the pillow over his head because not only did it make his biceps bulge, but this was my fucking Aussie crush from 2005 putting a pillow over his face because he was enjoying the head that I, his camper, was giving him. He kept pulling me up to kiss and squeeze me, telling me I had the softest lips and how well we kissed together. Ahhhh. I fell asleep with his hands running over my body.

I woke up a few hours later beaming because my crush from summer ‘05 was lying naked beside me. His first comment was “Oyy (think more Aussie, less Jew), my head.” I realized that he was not as sober as he came across and I had no idea what he remembered and what he did not. But all my worries went away when he rolled on top of me to give me a kiss and then proceeded to stay in bed even though he had planned on leaving the city an hour ago. During breakfast, he’d subtly touch my leg under the table and show me that his interest remained. Then he brought me downstairs, gave me a kiss goodbye, and assured me that he’d come back to visit soon.

Of course, I never saw Lucas again. Apparently he and his ex-girlfriend started “talking heaps” and he felt like he owed the relationship another chance. I chose to believe him rather than doubt my sensuality. My favorite food vendor — yes I told a 35-year-old man the PG details about my serendipitous run in — told me that maybe curiosity would have killed the cat and it was better off that I never had the chance to bring my fantasy to full fruition. Note: I bought his food, not his rationale. Another night with Lucas would have been hot as hell, and curiosity would have killed nothing but my aching desire to bang a sexy Australian and write home about every little detail. Yet, even though it wasn’t sex and it wasn’t on a beach, the night I did have was a case of pure, coincidental, freaking fabulous bliss in a multi-million dollar apartment overlooking Sydney’s most famous waters and landmarks. Full fantasy or not, that night sounds pretty money to me.

17 People have left comments on this post

By whompwhomp on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

still boring

By :) on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

No no no…better! Muuuuuch better.

By a true bro on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

when is a dude going to write one of these? right now they suckkkkkkkkk

By not squeamish on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

This is so stupid. The girl gets squeamish about a little bit of blood — what are you, 12? — and then takes this man’s “HUGE” dick in her MOUTH? You are both slutty and stupid

By laxbrah69 on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

this is really disgusting and disturbing…
keep your girl talk to the girls, make a penn porn/sex stories website, or go touch yourself on chat roulette for the world to see.

personally i think these pennetration stories should end. they are not funny. they dont fit with the website.
and this is coming from a fan of utb.

By the realz on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

this is actually neither disgusting nor disturbing (nor is it boring or slutty or stupid). it’s funny and sexy. definitely the best and most relevant pennetration yet.

and as far as only chicks writing them so far, maybe this says something about the lack of balls (literally?) that penn guys have. share your sexcapades, dudes! but in the meantime, let’s hope we get more posts like this one. well done, abroad girl.

By unprude on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

You guys are all prudes. This is an awesome story. Pennetration is a great addition to UTB.

By truth on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

I absolutely agree. Here’s a suggestion to those of you who continuously bash the pennetrations from week to week: take your hand out of your pants, go out, have a sexual experience of your own, and try to describe it with words that will excite a bunch of readers trying to fill some type of sexual void. Haven’t you ever heard that those who can, do, and those who can’t, criticize?

By re: truth on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

I don’t think people are criticizing because they aren’t having sexual experiences necessarily. They just don’t want those kind of things on UTB.

You really shouldn’t be so quick to generalize people either, and I find the narrow-mindedness prevalent in many posts about Pennetration (from those on both sides of the argument) slightly depressing. I’m not sure why people feel the need to be so rude to each other via response pages like these, but why don’t we all just try to be a little nicer? Somehow I doubt that you (truth) would say what you just said to someone’s face.

By laxbrah69 on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

to truth: I am a legend here. You probably hear stories about me without me having to write pennetrations. You are a n00b compared to me. Why the hell would I want to excite readers with my stories. I get on UTB for the latest rumors and gossip, not to get a hard-on to some nerds fantasy.

By re: re: truth on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

to “re: truth” : Well said. I wish people would actually take your message to heart, because some comments posted here are so disappointing. This is what my peers really have to say? Anonymity shouldn’t be an invitation to forgo polite and respectful communication.

And to laxbrah69, if you’re the satirical genius that I’m forcing myself to believe you are (for the sake of my ability to sleep at night), Bravo. I’m also going to assume that your grammar is merely evidence that you’re a “method writer.”

By hopeful and eager utb reader on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

while i think these posts haven’t yet gotten past the standard, sexy sexipade, i think Pennetratioin has a amazing potential. everyone should ask around and encourage their friends with crazy-ass stories to write write write, even if they don’t consider themselves writers! and truth, we NEED some boy action.

come on Penn, i know a good number of us have great sex. let’s hear about it!!

By laxbrah69 on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

to truth-
Legends don’t care about grammar.
Satirical Genius. Yes.
You not being able to sleep at night.
Probably because you are are reading pennetrations and touching yourself.

I am just saying
pennetration doesn’t FIT
on this site.
I am hoping that the staff
in the DP building
can find a totally
of media
to satisfy your
-Legend… Out.

By re: re: truth on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Dear Brah,

Actually, I’m also not of huge fan of these pennetration stories. I know–what audacity I have to compare myself to a legend as brahtasmic as yourself. Just wanted you to know that I’m not masturbating to these anecdotes. (I’m more of a visual person…also not a big masturbator, but enough about me.)

I’m just not as passionate about fighting the pennetrators as you are. The stories are just not my thing, but they don’t offend me. I think that sex is one of the few places where certain things are more easily (or just better off) done than said. Things that work in bed/under button can often look cheesy/pervy/lame when you write them down. But I understand why other people would enjoy reading and writing about them.

Okay, I’m done rambling. Later, Genius.

Oh, and remember, “glory days, they’ll pass you by.” Even legends can get the blues (balls.)

By Voyageur on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

“Glory Day?” Good song.

By Voyageur on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

“Glory Days?” Good song.

By penn legend on February 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Is sex so important that we have to have pornographic stories in student newspapers?…I think the Underthebutton staff should just go suck a dick as a collective so we don’t have to hear anymore about their perverted stories.

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