Today was the best day for Seniors! It all started with an e-mail from the Office of the Provost with the subject, “Was Penn all you hoped it would be? Tell us! Take the Senior Survey.” Right off the bat, they baited us with a depressing use of the past tense, three different types of punctuation in one subject line, and a chance to take a critical look at our regrets from the past four years. But wait, there’s more! Turns out there is a major incentive for taking this survey, which takes a whopping “less than thirty minutes.” For every senior who completes it, $1 will be donated to the Seniors for the Penn Fund.
Hold on a second, Provost Vincent Price and Vice Provost Andrew Binns. Is this some type of internet scam? What’s next? You tell us to click on George Bush with a boxing glove cursor and promise us an iPod if we aim correctly? Promise us $1,000,000 for being the three hundredth Penn student to open your e-mail? Unfortunately we were unable to complete the survey due to severe, severe boredom, so there’s really no way of knowing.
The only question that really got us thinking was, “Would you encourage a high school senior who resembles you when you were a high school senior to attend Penn?” It wasn’t an option, oddly enough, but we would have answered “A high school senior with a face like that and a booty that does that belongs in Hollywood.”