Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, I really want to have a large-scale political rally, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what that entails!” We think it all the time. Lucky for you, we’re here to share all the important criteria in a successful Michelle Obama rally.
In case you didn’t catch our live tweets from the rally yesterday (or you want to relive the glory!), read after the jump for the essentials you won’t wanna miss.
P.S.: polls are open until 8 p.m. if you haven’t voted already!
1. Have some really long lines, especially if it’s cold.
2. Invite the press. Consider UTB legitimate press. Let UTB in the cool press area.
3. Cram 3,500 people into Wynn Commons. Don’t be alarmed if every single one of them is taking pictures on their phones/cameras/witchcraft machines from the future.
4. Hire DJ Diamond Kuts. Okay, this is where we’re confused. We have here the guy who yelled things into the microphone and played music. Yet, apparently, DJ Diamond Kuts is actually this chick, who is semi-famous and a BET personality.
Regardless of who actually was doing what, orange dude should be fine for your rally. He will provide endless entertainment and a soundtrack befitting a First Lady: DJ Khaled, Soulja Boy, and “Teach Me How To Dougie.”
Oh, and his musical message to Republicans: “You’re a Jerk!”
5. Use Governor Ed Rendell as your emcee. (*Note: this step also applies to How to Plan a Bar Mitzvah. He’s great at parties!)
6. Bring some well-known faces…
Top : PennDems President Emma Ellman-Golan, Congresswoman Allyson Schwartz, Congressman Chaka Fattah
Bottom: Mayor Michael Nutter, Senator Bob Casey Jr., Candidate for Governor Dan Onorato
Left: Candidate for Senate, Joe Sestak
7. …and some randos. First time voter, Penn Glee Club, and some field organizer we think was just there to stall.
8. Be sure to make your followers sit in the cold for at least two hours to make sure they’re dedicated enough. If they are, give them free signs!
9. Pump the crowd up when Michelle enters!
10. Deliver speech. Star-strike accordingly. Be classy. Don’t freeze.