For those of you who live under a rock, it’s Hallo-freakin’-ween. Per usual, we have used our resources to cast our most sacred predictions. Keep your horoscope in mind when getting weird this week, it’s for your own good.
Aries: There are decisions to be made and putting them off only makes them harder and less effective: action, not debate, is what is needed. If you wait until 10pm to pick your Halloween costume, you will look ugly.
Taurus: This is another good day to start a diet, or perhaps a new and positive habit. Did someone say candy?!?!?!
Gemini: Harmonious ties to others are what you seek. It’s all about the group costume this year. Or pairing up with Molly for dynamic duos.
Cancer: This is a good day for practical ideas and planning. Wednesday afternoon before Halloween is prime time to flesh out your weekend agenda. Downtowns? Frat-hopping? Avicii? It’s time to prioritize.
Leo: Someone important to you may not give you the recognition you want–patience. Oh, I know what you are, you’re totally dressed as, um, a post-modern Jean-François Lyotard?
Virgo: Your living situation may be in a flux but this is good for you; however, others may be confused and not as willing as you are to pull up roots. Which means you’re just gonna have to pull up roots for everyone.
Libra: Life is magical in the world of romance. Life is also romantic in the world of magic. So if you’re dressed as Harry Potter, a witch or a fairy: enjoy your evening.
Scorpio: You have learned to see both sides of an issue and you can figure out resolutions to opposing views. Not really, but you did elect to spend the night dressed up as a political figure whose views oppose from your own. You need to at least pretend to acknowledge the ‘other’ side.
Sagittarius: You may find yourself chatty. Stop drinking. Now.
Capricorn: Someone special supports you and encourages you now. See Aquarius.
Aquarius: You appear perhaps more charming and refined than usual. See Gemini, pt. 2.
Pisces: Instant gratification may be interference just now: you want things and you want them this instant–you are not alone. There are way too many slutty nurses to choose from at your frat-tastic rager. Bear in mind the consequences of – pun alert – rash decision making.