Stay Sexy In Saturday’s (Supposed) Snow

You may have heard it might snow on Saturday. Or you may have stepped outside in the last 48 hours and realized it got really effing cold—but don’t let the forecast scare you out of dressing like you’re summer sunbathing in Miami this weekend. Here are some costume suggestions to conquer the cold without sacrificing showing skin.

Birthday Cake Stripper

Introduce the element of warmth and surprise with this sweet solution. Construct a sizable cake from your favorite building material (paper-mache not recommended, as it’s too effing cold to dry quickly). Don’t forget wheels, trap doors on bottom and top, and mesh eyeholes for navigation. Stay sheltered from the biting wind outside, then head indoors and BAM—pop out to the gasps and applause of impressed party-goers as you strut your stuff.

Pros: Drama. Originality. Dancing cake at a frat party.

Cons: Labor-intensive. Possibility of recklessly rolling down the 4000 block of Spruce and injuring hoards of people.

Sexy Superhero

For whatever reason, superheroes need shiny, body-hugging uniforms, making them perfect for reinterpretation as sexy costumes. Be wary, though, as the weather isn’t the only thing that might be nippy in these tight getups. Use your favorite blanket or buy a couple yards of fabric to construct a giant cape that doubles as a fashionable winter wrap coverup during your walks outside. Step inside and BAM—rip off your cape for a revealing reveal of your revealing costume.

Pros: Personalize your cape length (thigh, knee, ankle, wedding dress train) and pattern (solid, striped, leopard, paisley).

Cons: Your cape may become soaked in assorted beverages, becoming heavy and choking you.

Sexy Eskimo

For all those ‘weeners out there looking to wear as little as possible without the pretension of a “costume.” Simply top whatever bare essentials you don for the evening with a puffy North Face down jacket (furry hood REQUIRED), Uggs and BAM—zip off your jacket when you’re feeling the heat.

Pros: Easy. Cheap. Doubles as a sexy Santa’s helpers outfit.

Cons: If you belong to a sorority, this doesn’t qualify as a costume.