The last leg of the semester is no picnic on College Green. Between
bullshitting writing papers, sweet-talking that B+ into an A- and dealing with the last minute midterms professors toss in just to watch us suffer, finding time to so much as remember that–holy crap it’s December?–can be a struggle.
That’s why we’re here to remind you that, hey, there’s life (and food, and sleep) outside your resident VP carrel! And with the holidays almost here, it’s time to let go of all your inhibitions and really get in touch with your inner (s)elf. Here’s our comprehensive, politically incorrect guide to Christmas-ing (slash Hanukkah-ing, Kwanzaa-ing, or generic holiday-ing) your campus life.
1. Invest In A Christmas Tree: Whether it’s the real thing or a poorly assembled pyramid of green twine, you need a place to hang your
paper snowflakes pine cones super fancy ornaments. Bonus(!!!): throw a few pine needles in your roommate’s bed next time she noms your Greek Lady leftovers.
2. Carry Mistletoe On You At All Times: DFMO-ing just got way easier.
3. Dress Up Your Pet: Puppies are cute and all, but, like, yawn. Puppies wearing reindeer antlers, on the other hand–Ready, Set, Say it with us: AWWWWWWW.
4. Break Out The Menorah: Put on a little baby-making music, and you’ve got mood lighting that’ll last you hours into that “study break.”
5. Go Caroling: This one’s for you, that one guy who didn’t get into any of Penn’s trillion a cappella groups and is still mad about it. Show them just whose chestnuts are roasting over an open fire with your sassy rendition of Away In A Manger! Pro tip: incorporate visuals for a multimedia experience.
6. Collect Seven Swans-A-Swimming: Those six geese-a-laying living in your closet could really use some friends.
Still feeling like a Scrooge? Bah Humbug, bro! Go eat a fruitcake or something.