[Disclaimer: Papyrus is such a joke. So is this post.] Before she was the star of Saturday Night Live and Bridesmaids as well as GQ’s “Bro of the Year,” Kristen Wiig was just another face on Locust. Just kidding, she never walked on Locust. Just kidding, she did but she was a whole body, not just a face. Just kidding, she wasn’t a whole body because she was missing a vital organ. Just kidding, it wasn’t that vital. Just kidding, it was if she wanted to join Mask & Wig.
Wiig graduated from the School of Nursing, becoming its only notable alum, and has since put her degree to good use as a placemat on her kitchen table. Rumor has it that she’ll be the school’s graduation speaker this year.