Is There A Doctor In The Hous(ton)?
This note, found on a Houston Hall vending machine, shows how well our writing seminars prepared us for real world arguments…with vending machines. Can someone just get this kid a Dr. Pepper?
Transcript of the note:
Dear Coke-a-Cola Vending Machine filler,
Why on earth did you put Dr. Pepper next to Cherry Coke Zero? You made them both D4 in doing so as if all Dr. Pepper drinkers are fans of Cherry Coke Zero. Well I will have you know that I have polled the universe and nobody cares for Cherry Coke Zero. The only reason you sold so many is because we keep trying to get Dr. Pepper. Help me if you can,
Still Thirsty :(
Well, Still Thirsty, here’s to hoping you find the help you’re looking for. In the meantime, here you go.
Tags: News, Cherry Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper, houston hall, strawman, thirsty, vending, writing seminars
Previous post: ShutterButton: Students Stand Up In The ’60s.
Next post: Bursar The Bookstore’s New “Spirit Fingers”.
Comments RSS: Subscribe to this post.
By Vomited in my mouth when I read this on January 16, 2012 at 5:52 pm
First — it’s Coca-Cola, like the plant. Not Coke-a-Cola, like “coke whore.” Also, the second sentence makes no sense, and the lack of commas and random capitalization make me weep. Congratulations to whomever wrote this; in your insatiable thirst for Dr. Pepper, you were a condescending douche to a minimum-wage worker.
How does the phrase “the lack of commas and random capitalization make me weep” not sound like it’s coming directly from a “condescending douche”? Relax dude. Plus, Dr. Pepper is obviously superior to Cherry Coke Zero.
“VOMITED IN MY MOUTH WHEN I READ THIS” makes valid points. It is you, “VOMIT,” who should “relax dude” – & also “kill yourself dude.” You are the condescending douce & I hate your mother’s vagina for not crushing your skull when you were born. By expressing even a sliver of sympathy for the sick scumbag who wrote the pictured note (a true waste of life, probably a liberal arts major – nothing near as useful to society as a vending machine service-person) you are proving yourself to be (multiple-choice – you’re probably good at these):
a) a great-big glob of pussy-slime
b) a worthless bag of leftover semen
c) akin to a crack-smoking hoot-owl
d) a bringer of shame upon your family
e) all of the above
Hint: It’s “e” – because you’re all of those things. I know because your mom told me. She also said she doesn’t love you & will never love you like a real son.
Good day.
P.S. – I hate you.
… I love Cherry Coke Zero.