There are two ways to look at the litany of events lined up for Fling weekend: the first (otherwise known as the worst) is as an overwhelming, panic-inducing period of time when you’ll be perpetually questioning your sanity. The other (better) way to look at this weekend, however, is as a challenge.
If you, like us, are into challenges that involve booze and fried things, then throw on some plastic neon sunglasses and get ready: we’re giving you a *~*POP QUIZ*~*. Put your hand down and all those silly notes away–it’s go time, betches.
WHERE WILL YOU BE FLUNG THIS WEEKEND?
1. What is your breakfast of choice?
a. Grape nuts
b. Grape nuts with vodka
c. Breakfast? Like…breakfast for dinner?
d. Last night’s conquest
2. And your favorite color?
a. Black. Like my soul.
b. I’m colorblind, asshole.
c. I like all the colors. Coloring is fun. Pass the joint?
d. Whatever color underwear you’re wearing, baby.
3. It’s 2 a.m. on a Thursday night. You are…
a. In Huntsman, texting my BFF Hil
b. drubk txtinggggg my beEEEst fraayn in bLaaarNey
c. Ignoring my phone so I can cuddle with my meatball sub
d. Getting that football player’s digits. In my pants. (Get it? Digits? Like fingers? Subtlety is overrated.)
4. Amy Gutmann, Benjamin Franklin and Jon Huntsman are wearing penguin suits and feeding each other cupcakes.
a. Are the cupcakes low carb? SO many calories!!!
c. Dude…where can I get a penguin suit?
d. Excellent inspiration for my next threesome.
5. LAST QUESTION. What does dubstep mean to you?
a. Absolutely nothing.
b. That ish cray! Wub wub woooooooooooomp. #SWAG
c. You should have asked me that two years ago.
d. It means I am very, VERY sore the next day.
Mostly A’s–You’ll make it through exactly one fried oreo and half of Friday’s concert before becoming disgusted by your shameless brethren (the horror!) and locking yourself up in the only safe place on campus: Van Pelt.
Mostly B’s–Your weekend anthem may be all Party & Bullshit, but dehydration and lack of real food (no, vodka gummy bears do NOT count as a meal) will put you in bed by midnight. Sleep tight, Princess Party Pooper!
Mostly C’s–You and your friend Molly will be a big hit at the block parties, and she’ll keep you up long enough to watch the sunrise from the roof of a parking garage. [Suppress the urge to make a status/email your PSYC 001 listerv/tweet about "life" or "the" "universe" or generally "deep" "shit" at all costs.]
Mostly D’s–The only times you’ll be leaving your cave of carnal pleasure this weekend are when you need to lure in fresh
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