FeaturesMay 6, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Stars: They’re Just Like Penn Students

If you’re a self-important freshman who’s been done with finals since Wednesday, and won’t shut up about it, this feature is back just for you. On that note, we also feel it’s important to mention that being done with finals doesn’t magically transform you into a sophomore any more than eating a Gusher actually transforms your head into a watermelon. You’re a sophomore when you come back in September, so cool it with the unsolicited nostalgia.

Anyway. Here are a bunch of cherry-picked celeb stories to make you feel relevant.

They get rejection letters: Between school applications and job interviews, we’ve gotten our fair share of rejection letters (well, maybe not all of us), but perhaps never one like this. After he once joked that he’d love to co-star with Hillary Clinton, Jason Segel got this hilarious message from the Secretary of State this week, declining his offer, because she is “a little occupied at the moment.”

They should fulfill the Cultural Diversity in the US requirement: We’d hate to admit it, but this sector really did expose us to all the different people we share this wonderful country with. Like Southerners. Evidently, Ashton Kutcher missed out on this educational experience, appearing in a controversial Popchips ad in which he caricatures a host of characters including Raj, a Bollywood producer. (Sometimes we don’t know how to appropriately express our love for Masala and Dhamaka, either.)

They’re still figuring out Twitter: Is it a soapbox to publicly air all your personal grievances? Is it a forum for the world to realize how LOL-worthy you are? What is it?! This week, everyone went nuts when Demi Moore finally changed her Twitter handle from @mrskutcher. We’re sure it’s because she’s really moving on, and has nothing to do with disassociating herself from a certain Raj…

They turn 24: Yesterday, singer Adele was rollin’ in the deep with birthday presents. Although most of us don’t hit the ripe old age of 24 over the course of our studies at Penn, it’s surprising how quickly our IDs, with pictures of someone like us, do. Well, rumor has it, anyway.

They’re not really sure what image they’re trying to project: College is a time to discover yourself, explore what really makes you who you are, and decide who you want to be in the future. In other words, everyone’s just running around very confused and sexually frustrated—a description also very appropriate for this “Boyfriend” video, Justin Bieber’s latest attempt to define himself as a real musician.

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