We’re Probably All Gonna Definitely Die

…sooner than we expected, because the Hawk of Locust is back! Guys! According to a passerby from earlier this afternoon, Countess, because yes, that is her name now, was spotted tearing up a squirrel on Locust. On the one hand, COUNTESS, YOU RULE, because this campus reeks of squirrels, but on the other hand, GRADY, HELP US! (Ed. note: Don’t even bother trying to convince us that this bird is not the same as the other hawks. It’s not going to happen.)