FeaturesNovember 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

On The Button, Volume I: 1920 Commons

You’ve heard of Yelp right? It’s that user review website where anyone with WiFi can praise or protest a business, restaurant, hotel or university with a rating out of five stars. The best part? The descriptions, those digital snacks of wisdom (and/or complete crazy) where users can say almost anything they want. “But are they accurate?” you ask.

That’s where we come in. Introducing our newest feature, On The Button, in which we review your reviews in the spirit of journalism, hilarity and all things meta. Our first target? Yup, that bastion of mouse feces, curly fries and ice cream with hair in it (we have pics, trust): 1920 Commons, currently rated a 3/5 on Yelp. So come along, friends– all you’ve got to lose is your faith in all crowdsourced material!

Cindy L. is fair and balanced in her assessment of this campus staple:

It’s dorm food. I wouldn’t say it’s disgusting, but of course, it’s not gourmet either. [...] Pizza is alright. They have lots of variety. The drink machines are terrible. It always tastes like water. Service at times can be quite abrasive, but I’m starting to think this is a Philly thing. 3/5 

On the one hand, gold stars for mentioning the pizza variety and the less-than-savory service. On the other hand, the drink machines taste always taste like plastic, metal and greasy freshman fingers to us. Tomayto, tomahto, Cindy L. We give your review a 4.5/5.
 
Kimberly P. is of another opinion, however:

Worst. Campus. Food. Ever. Will. Puke. If. Eaten. Stay. Away. 1/5

Well Kimberly, who even asked your for your opinion, huh? Oh, we did? Oh, okay. Still, though. Haven’t you ever experienced the sublime bliss of a Commons soup-waffle? The sweet delights of a french frice-cream casserole? The stupid pleasures of that thing of where you mix together all the fountain drinks along with RiceDream and soymilk? We give your review a 2/5.
 
Marissa R., always the optimist, says:

It’s good!!!! 5/5

Preach, Marissa R. 5/5

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By Jim Belushi on November 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Yep, clearly the result of boozing BEFORE you get to “new features” at your meetings.

By do less on November 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

this would be way better if you just showed yelp reviews of campus dining. no need to ruin it with your own terrible writing.

(or even better, just stop writing!!!)

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