FeaturesNovember 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Who’s Thanking Whom? An Investigative Report

Gobble gobble and such, it’s Sangskeebing, y’all! We’re thankful that it’s finally time to put on a nice chunky sweater for granny and shove a Wawa Gobbler down our gullets before waking up at 3 a.m. to grab a “Are you 18+? Then you can Tickle-Me-Elmo” at the local WalMart. Yum-o! But enough about us; what about the rest of campus? We asked some of our favorite people and groups around campus what they were thankful for, and here’s what we found:

Your neighborhood friends are thankful that you’re home and they can’t wait to hang out but OMG, please don’t invite Jamie, we don’t know how to tell you this, but we absolutely hate Jamie and no one’s kept in touch with her since high school except you. Okay?

Mikey is thankful for his Dove chocolates and open-minded family.

Helen Cheung is thankful to have the OCR suite to herself.

Seniors are thankful it’s not yet May.

The Undergraduate Assembly is thankful for the UA Shuttle Service for letting people know that SEE GUYS, THE UA DOES STUFF!

That biker who got hit by the first UA Shuttle Service bus is thankful that the bus kept on driving. (Yep, great job, bus driver.)

Campus housing is thankful that every person who went home turned off their heating units.

The Walk is thankful for the hottest (cold) drinks of the summer.

The Natural Shoe Store is thankful that it exists. [Ed. note: The Natural Shoe Store may not exist.]

Skulls is thankful that…ah, right. Never mind.

Penn Security is thankful that they don’t have to clean up the mess that would be Fratsgiving.

Campus squirrels are thankful that they are not campus turkeys.

The people who read HerCampus UPenn are casually thankful for like, casually, like, Campus Cuties. Aren’t they, like, so casual? Casually.

The people who were working out at Pottruck the day before Thanksgiving (WHY BOTHER?!) are thankful that so many people were wheeling their suitcases down Walnut today.

Penn Jews are thankful that this is one of those holidays when everyone misses class.

Huntsman security guards are thankful the building isn’t open 24 hours.

The people who work in Rodin are thankful they won’t have to sign anyone in to the building this Saturday off of the Sabbath List.

We’re all thankful for Anthony Janocko.

And UTB is thankful for you, our deliciously intelligent and wonderfully loyal readers. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

[Ed. note: This entire post, like that boyfriend you made up for the purposes of Thanksgiving dinner table-talk, is a complete fabrication.]

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