NewsDecember 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Sororities Vote Longchamp Bags Out

[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Didn't the font tip you off?] The Panhellenic Council, which oversees the action of all sororities on campus, in a meeting last night, unanimously voted to ban any affiliated sorority girl from carrying Longchamp bags anywhere on campus. Panhel cites the company’s cruel ways in which they procure the leather for their bags as the primary reason for their decision. We’re guessing secondary reasons include repeated Longchamp-bag mix-ups at chapter meetings and the stifled individuality that comes free with every Longchamp purchase.

Enforcement of this new rule will be imposed immediately, and punishment ranges from “a talking to” to fines and even forced deactivation in cases of extreme rebellion.  Freshman and sophomore girls planning to rush in the spring are being advised to also boycott the brand in an act of solidarity.  Looks like it’s time to start carrying your lettered sweatshirts and paddles in something else, girls, because the ubiquitous Longchamp bags are officially out.

3 People have left comments on this post


By Jorge Curaioso on December 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

this is absolutely retarded. first of all the point of the panhellenic council is not to make political statements, nor is it to coerce its members into following a particular political ideology. second of all, a sweeping ban of any commercial good is just misguided as a model for this community– this is a slippery slope. soon enough they’ll all be forced to be vegetarians. If i were a member of a sorority i would be pissed that this what they spend their time doing, instead of arguing for things that actually affect the community directly, because i know for a fact that long champ bags are the least of sororities’ problems. This is just one example of the pussification of our entire country- it starts at home. two years ago, a Theta senior who tried to convince her whole house to deactivate, launched a political mission against the evil, male dominated university establishment, largely on the heels of an article she wrote about the fact that too many unfair rules were imposed on sororities by the fraternity community, male university leadership etc. That article is just as stupid now as it was then, because the vast majority of the rules that sorority girls bitch about are university wide rules that are also imposed on fraternities and are thus equal in their targeting, or rules, like this one that self important sorority girls decided they would enforce on the rest of their community. as for the former, fraternity guys happen to be better at breaking rules and not getting caught, but thats beside the point. its just surprising to me that UPenn girls, who are, empirically left of center politically, take such issue with hand bags but never make sweeping bans or rules regarding what their members can eat, what kind of leather shoes they can wear, what kind of animal tested cosmetics they can buy. this is just a sad, sad waste of time even when one ignores the retarded philosophy and hypocrisy behind it.

By Jorge Curaioso on December 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

and i hope this is a joke, because if its not its truly a sad day for women everywhere.

By Ummmm .. on December 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

It’s in Comic Sans for a reason. Joke issue, hellooooooooo?

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