FeaturesFebruary 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm

How to Impress Your Man: Super Bowl Edition

urlIf you’re like us, you’re really good at curling your hair, slathering on that Mac lipgloss and teetering around in heels. You are kind, nurturing and know how to GET DOWN AND DIRTY. Your one subpar quality when it comes to nailing the other sex: you know nothing about football. Or any sport for that matter. So, we’ve decided to give you a little nudge in the right direction. Here, ladies (and gentz, cuz that’s a thing) – your cheat sheet for how to impress the man in your life when the hot wings come out, the boys gather ’round, and the game comes on.

1. Know who is playing: The 49ers and the Ravens. It’s not hard. Don’t screw up the number or make lighthearted reference to this particular “Raven.” I’m pretty sure only 3% of the room will own up to watching Disney Channel.

2. Serve up a fun fact!: Did you know the two coaches of the opposing teams are actually brothers? Did you know Raven Ray Lewis is playing his last game? Well, now you do. During the hushed silence as the boys ogle over Beyonce’s tush, confidently state one of these convenient facts and you’ll be sure to score a few points.

3. Bring some food: hot wings, pizza, french fries, beer, etc etc. Anything fried, anything that goes well with ranch dressing. But we swear to G – if you dare to bring your grilled chicken cubes and apple to keep with your “diet” – you will lose every single point you may have gained. Nobody wants to watch the SuperBowl with this type hangin’ round.

4. Scream when everyone else is screaming: Wait around for loud noises and just hop on the bandwagon! It’s really easy. Just don’t try to preempt any yells or cheers, cuz that’ll be awkward and you’ll be glared at in contempt.

5. If all the above fails, or you forget number 3 and decide to pack a Lean Cuisine, get absolutely hammered and pass out. Nobody can hate on you for not knowing football if you’ve fallen asleep. Then, Google the outcome of the game and proceed to paraphrase an ESPN article at your next bed-sesh with the hubby.

Good luck!

5 People have left comments on this post

By Really? on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm

I appreciate the humor but way to assume that girls no nothing about football

By Ummmm on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm

Also that it’s somehow shameful to not care about sports, and that girls (or feminine gay men) have an obligation to “impress” their man. hooray for masculinity being given the highest value in our culture.

By Jesse Franklin on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm


By Ali Kriegsman on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm

guys, i think we can all chillax and realize its pure humor. no need to read too much into it…really.

By Ali Kriegsman on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm

yes, also. “know.”

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