It’s parent’s weekend yet again. Along with the campus beautification, dining hall upgrades, and “isn’t that just adorable?” crafts come the anxieties of having your parents enter your college world. To make those fears even more real, here are the 10 Things You Don’t Want Your Parents To See On Family Weekend.
1. The mistreatment of your multi-thousand dollar laptop. If there’s more scratches and stickers than surface area, your pops won’t be pleased.
2. The browser history on said computer.
3. The gigantic pile of bursar’d Penn Bookstore shit.
4. Your box of condoms, unless your parents bought them during NSO as a attempt to bond.
5. The state of your room.
6. The state of your roommate, still better than when they came for Halloweekend.
7. The freshman 15. No one says “Do you think those pants are a little tight?” quite like your mother.
8. Your laundry pile. If you turn your underwear inside out, it’s still clean right?
9. The possibly rabid Perelman Possum.
10. Your one night stand. It’s never a good sign when your dad learns his/her name before you.