NewsDecember 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

New Computer Rules At Van Pelt


[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Our logo was Button the Under for a whole day and you didn't even notice.] The stress, the drugs, the late nights — its almost finals season guys, and you deserve a release. Given the recent uptick in demand, librarians at Van Pelt have graciously given us the opportunity to go on a study date with Pamela Handerson. What used to be known as the Quick Print station is now to be called the Quick Jerk station. Distracted? Bored? Want to procrasturbate?  Stop by and choke the chicken. Fiddle your flesh flute. Tickle the pickle. Wrestle the dragon. Fist your mister. Hold the sausage hostage. Whatever you want to call it, you now have 5 minutes to get ‘er done in the computer lab on the first floor.

3 People have left comments on this post

By Rachel Zurier on December 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Pamela Handerson

By Jack on December 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

Wait…fist your mister??? How are you jerking it? Are you fisting your butthole? I don’t do it like that…

By Jake Lexnir on December 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

Don’t forget “Beat the meat”

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