LeBron James Feeling Upset and Confused After No Kings Protests
James complained: "the Lakers drafted my son Bronny so now we have to shower naked together after every game."
Women Are Repulsed By Me: Here Are the Best Lunch Spots in West Philly
As someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend in 19 years, these are some of my favorites.
Breaking: Hummus Grill Owner Self-Immolates in Front of Wonder in Final Act of Defiance
Wonder is on track to be the first ever successful restaurant with inedible food
Breaking: Jeremy The Cockroach Killed In Tragic Quad Renovation Accident
Ryan, a former Fisher resident, expressed his grief over Jeremy’s passing: “He’d swing by my room late at night with his buddies to say hi. He used to shit on the floor sometimes, which made me feel so validated cause I do that too. Jeremy was a real one… I’ll miss that little fucker with all my heart.”
Think You’ve Seen It All? That Girl You Know Just Soft Launched That She’s in a Senior Society
Me? Jealous? I'm NOT jealous.
Wharton Boy Discovers It’s Not Normal to Keep Shirt on During Sex
An experience, for sure.
Most Read
Other News
Op-Ed: THIS IS A SUPER SECRET AND YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE!
I'm only telling you this because you're like my third best friend here.
Apollo the Phi Delt Dog Officially Initiated as PC ‘25; Graciously Agrees to Lick Vomit During Hazing Rituals
Apollo joins the COB Phi Delt PC '25.
Cooked: Your Chem Midterm Grade in Epstein's Preferred Age Range
With a shiver, you realize you're doing numbers only child sex offenders are excited to hear.
Local Asian-American Genuinely Passionate About Consulting / Medicine / Founding a Startup
Zhangzhang (Tony) Zhang stated that “solving the world’s most complex problems/helping the world’s most vulnerable people/creating things that people all over the world want has been [his] singular interest during his one semester at Penn so far.”
Writer of the Week (But Not Necessarily This Week)
Local Student Attempts To Steal From Pret; Gets CHASED Over Bridge And Spanked
The student was found staggering across High Rise field, muttering "I must not steal, I must not steal."
Featured Articles
Penn Establishes Office of Inspection of the Office of Ethnic Inclusion of Non-Members of the Antisemitism Office that Aren’t in the Other Task Force
The Good News Is Here. Join the Task Forces.
Penn’s New Regulations Regarding On-Campus Protest: Scary Larry Given License to Kill
Interim President Jameson has announced he is done fucking around and is now strapped.
Advertising Partners
