If you follow Penn BFF Eva Longoria on Twitter, you know she has been hawking “Ready for Love” – the new NBC reality dating competition she produces – up the wazoo. Unfortunately, the network’s pulled the plug on the matchmaking show after just two lowly-rated episodes.
Why should you care? The cancellation is bad news for contestant Ben Patton, a Penn alum! That’s right, Penn’s triumphant return into the reality dating pool is a short-lived one, as this former economics/systems engineering major will not be finding his soulmate – at least not on national TV. The oddly-structured show featured three bachelors, including unknown Ben and Plain White T’s guitarist Tim Lopez, looking for da one amongst a myriad of bachelorettes. Too bad the happily married Ashlorette‘s off the market, because it looks like Ben’s 15 minutes are up. Maybe he can try to catch the love bug at this year’s Alumni Weekend.
Looks like Will & Kate aren’t the only ones deserving of a “Congratulations!”
Ashley Hebert, Penn Dental grad (we think?) and 2010 Bachelorette, finally wed J.P. Rosenbaum this past Sunday in Pasadena, California. Penn students will remember Ash from her talks last year in Commons and Houston Hall, as well as her hip-hop dance class at Pottruck. Girl’s got MOVES.
UTB’s favorite Ashlorette is only the second Bachelorette to marry the man who received her final rose. ABC will air the wedding ceremony on Dec. 16. While we’re happy for our fellow Quaker, Penn girls everywhere roll their eyes over the poor misfortune of this nice Jewish boy marrying a shiksa. As our grandmothers would say, “THIS IS CHUTZPAH.”
More Penn-related news from The Bachelorette, the show where winning is losing and losing is double losing. A hearty ‘good luck’ to rumored The Bachelorette contestant, Wharton grad Doug Clerget, 33. The single dad (also leaked: he is wealthy and buff. What else could one possibly ask for in this world of ours?) will be television-vying for the heart of Bachelorette Emily Maynard.
We wish him many roses.
Now, we know that you’re all very smart,
so you should plan each day from its start.
You ask, “What events are there this week?”
And we respond, “Oh-so-many, eek!”
And– Oh, goodness!– this limerick’s a fart.
The Bachelorette’s Ashley Hebert
Who: Delta Delta Delta
When and where: Tuesday, 5:30-7 p.m.; Hall of Flags
Why: Perennial UTB favorite Ashley Hebert will be coming to Houston Hall on Tuesday to share her insights with the Penn community. For any aspiring dental student-cum-public figure-ish (?), this is an event that you simply cannot miss! Also: free Chili’s appetizers. Blooming onions, people. Blooming. Onions. Tickets are $5 and will benefit St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, which is awesome.
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Move over James Franco, Ashley Hebert is coming to town! Yes, the sisters of Tridelt are bringing the Bachlorette to Penn! Wait, bringing her here? Doesn’t she already go here? Or did she graduate? Is she still taking that leave of absence? (Seriously, has anybody figured this out yet?)
Join Ashley when she visits the Hall of Flags on Tuesday, November 8 for a riveting discussion of “how she balances her life as a dental student with being in the public eye and dealing with constant media attention.” Tickets are $5 on the Walk. To all those celebrity grad students out there, this one’s for you!
Things that are unnecessarily dragged out and awkward: high school and any episode of The Bachelorette. That said, let’s head into the final recap of Ashley’s search for love or something like it.
This week, Ashley’s family comes to Fiji. “We want to hear all about your adventure!” they squeal. Right. Because she hasn’t been home in between at all… Ashley’s sister is baffled, “You’re in love?! I’m a little more concerned this time than I was last time,” she says. Oh right. Because Ashley’s done this before on the last season of The Bachelor. That’s awks. So is her silent brother.
JP walks into the lion’s den. He pulls out a few one-liners to ease the mood, but later no one gets the funny vibe from him, prompting Ashley’s sister to ask, “Does he make you laugh?” There’s an uncomfortable pause and then Ashley’s all, “I make myself laugh!” Then why did you make one of the group dates a comedy roast? Read the rest of this entry »
On week nine of The Bachelorette, we leave all of last week’s families back in the States and head off to Fiji with Ashley and her three boytoys. The episode begins with replays of past dates with the guys, accompanied by Ashley’s voiceover—which, because the show opened with the same thing last week, has become so predictable at this point that it could be formatted as a sing-along with a giant red rose bouncing over the words.
We snap back to reality where Ashley opens the door to a big surprise. Oh my! Who could possibly be at the door? Commercial break. The suspense is killing no one.
Okay, wait. We spoke too soon. The show returns from its break and while most of us thought it’d be Ivy Man Ames, since he’s got the means to show up unannounced and was the most recent dumpee, we’re actually really surprised to see Ryan’s permanently happy face!
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Week 8 of The Bachelorette kicked off with Ashley’s anticipation about the episode’s hometown dates. She tells us that she looks forward to seeing the guys’ real personalities come out around their families. Yeah, because that’s exactly how it works on family weekend.
Unfortunately for Ashley, hometowns weren’t as interesting as producers had hoped, so the first ten minutes of the episode feature her previous moments with the four remaining beaus, and her voiceover confessing how physically attractive she finds each one, followed by vague descriptions of their inner beauty like, “There’s just something about him.”
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Like every other week, ABC eased us into The Bachelorette by preceding it with Wheel of Fortune. After yet another stay-at-home dad from Hawaii failed to complete the final prize puzzle, our expectations were set at the perfect low.
Week Seven began with a commute from Hong Kong to Taipei, Taiwan, and the realization (read: relief) that the original cast of 24 lads has been trimmed down to just six: Lucas, the Southern belle; Ames, the sensitive Ivy Man; Ben, the Constantine-lookalike; Constantine, the Ben-lookalike; Ryan, the ketchup smiley face your mom puts on your scrambled eggs; and JP, the nice Jewish boy from Long Island she nags you to marry. Read the rest of this entry »
You may not have realized it, but today marks the halfway point of summer 2011 (what, we know, that’s crazy, etc). Assuming you’re moving in at the start of NSO, August 31, there’s only 53 days until move-in. And for the 2011 grads, it’s been awesome totally lame to still read UTB for 53 days. Whether you’re starting summer II or just missed the memo that we’ve been updating all season, we’ve got the top ten stories for you to catch up on to be in the know.
10. Marathon Closed: The earth, she gave a massive rumble, and just like that a campus anchor was no more. Students and alums alike mourned the loss of a place we never went to all that much, anyway. Read the rest of this entry »
