Penn Relays is upon us once again! And if you didn’t think Franklin Field was happening during the Fling concert, come to any of the events by Saturday (a full schedule can be found here).

We know finals are right around the corner, but fuel your procrastination by watching athletes from all over the country and world compete in America’s oldest track and field meet. NBC is even showing Penn some love this time and will be airing the Relays live on Saturday from 1-3 PM. But since you’re here, you might as well run down to Franklin to witness all the action…and then maybe run back up to Pottruck if you’re feeling especially inspired.

Looks like Will & Kate aren’t the only ones deserving of a “Congratulations!”

Ashley Hebert, Penn Dental grad (we think?) and 2010 Bachelorette, finally wed J.P. Rosenbaum this past Sunday in Pasadena, California. Penn students will remember Ash from her talks last year in Commons and Houston Hall, as well as her hip-hop dance class at Pottruck. Girl’s got MOVES.

UTB’s favorite Ashlorette is only the second Bachelorette to marry the man who received her final rose. ABC will air the wedding ceremony on Dec. 16. While we’re happy for our fellow Quaker, Penn girls everywhere roll their eyes over the poor misfortune of this nice Jewish boy marrying a shiksa. As our grandmothers would say, “THIS IS CHUTZPAH.”

Hey, sports fans! Remember the good ol’ days when you were able to watch 9 straight hours of back-to-back-to-back football games over the weekend and cram all your homework into the commercial breaks? (We still do that, too).

If you didn’t quite catch all of Sunday’s NFL post-game analysis, or someone in Pottruck switched the channel from SportsCenter to Dr. Phil during your morning jog, here’s what you missed: ex-Philly Eagles QB Donovan McNabb gave the Quakers a shoutout.

“I’m gonna go with the Pennsylvania University,” he said. We just checked the alumni directory, and McNabb isn’t a UPenn grad. As for the alumni directory from the Pennsylvania University…well, that’s about as elusive as the former tenants of 36th and Locust.

Oh no! Mere days after the Penn Museum covered Locust in clever signage assuring us that Tis Not The End, a cryptic chalk message on the sidewalk outside Pottruck has a different opinion on the matter. Philadelphia666.com is beautifully designed website featuring sermons addressing the upcoming apocalypse (less than four weeks away!). It’s even based on a prophecy that correctly predicted Dubya and Obama as presidents! Snaps for the College Green preacher for expanding his influence to Walnut Street.

Gobble gobble and such, it’s Sangskeebing, y’all! We’re thankful that it’s finally time to put on a nice chunky sweater for granny and shove a Wawa Gobbler down our gullets before waking up at 3 a.m. to grab a “Are you 18+? Then you can Tickle-Me-Elmo” at the local WalMart. Yum-o! But enough about us; what about the rest of campus? We asked some of our favorite people and groups around campus what they were thankful for, and here’s what we found:

Your neighborhood friends are thankful that you’re home and they can’t wait to hang out but OMG, please don’t invite Jamie, we don’t know how to tell you this, but we absolutely hate Jamie and no one’s kept in touch with her since high school except you. Okay?

Mikey is thankful for his Dove chocolates and open-minded family.

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Between the new Commons and all the food trucks on campus, we’re pretty sure you’ll never be in search of a meal again. But if you are a little adventuresome (think: as crazy as picking a random roommate your Sophomore year), you might just find yourself a short line and great food. Here are 5 things you need to know about the food source named for Joseph Wharton himself:

1) BBQ Wednesdays: If you missed all the smoke yesterday, the grills were fired up behind Steiny-D, serving burgers, hotdogs, and macaroni salad. Get on line by the outdoor patio or pay inside if you choose to use credit–nothing like putting the $4 or $5 plates on your plastic. Read the rest of this entry »

Spotted: Some Audacious Men from an unnamed fraternity performing “Baby Got Back” in front of the giant windows of Pottruck’s first floor cardio center as part of their hazing—er, ceremonial induction into the brotherhood. Dance like nobody’s watching?

Tabard and SDT and some other girls made a Vagina Monologues video in preparation for their big shows this Friday and Saturday. The vid’s got vaginas in Van Pelt, vaginas in Pottruck, vaginas in an a cappella rehearsal (think “gyn-gyn-gyn” instead of “djinn-djinn-djinn”) and even Ken Kweder asking around for a vagina (!). LOL! It’s funny because ‘vagina’ is not a word you usually say in public, but– and get this– they’re saying it in public!

But honestly, we’re being a bit harsh. Props to VagMons for the best Penn promotional vid we’ve seen… well, ever.