34th Street MagazineFebruary 14, 2014 at 9:38 am

STREET Presents: Behind the Counter, Beneath the Tray

02-14TGIF and thank god there’s Street. A snow day couldn’t keep us from helping you have the best Valentine’s day ever from the food to places to have sex on campus (it’s time for some body heat).

Single ladies and gents, take solace from TV’s best single ladies and some formerly famous musicians who have fallen out of the spotlight. We have the lowdown on the new ARCH and the best places to study with a beau, and an ~artsy~ guide to typography on campus. The Vagina Monologues are tonight but the Penis Monologues are inside our magazine.

For some weekend realtalk, hear from the creator of the profile picture changing movement and get the perspective of Penn students that serve others. Don’t forget to tip and enjoy your weekend!

34th Street MagazineFebruary 6, 2014 at 9:58 am

STREET PRESENTS: A Home of Their Own

Street 02 06 14This week Street has some questions. Will it ever stop snowing? Should I have done laundry by now? And you live where? Street goes inside Gregory College House to meet the close group of students who call it home. Speaking of homes, explore more of campus with an Architectural Bucket List and switch up your playlist with tracks from Penn Musicians USSMars. Ego of the Week Jeremy Pincus even converted to Judaism while at Penn (didn’t we all?). In honor of those free t-shirts we get during NSO, we converted the College House motto’s into some serious real talk.

Food and Drink got inspired by sports, sort of, with herbacious Super Bowl recipes and some upgraded  vodka recipes in honor of Olympic host Russia. Highbrow is here to tell you what’s in and what’s out while Lowbrow is seriously into #throwbackthursdays

Not to be the bearer of bad news but next week is Valentine’s Day. Never fear because you can find love in a mere eight days. Go forth and tinder, Penn students.

Want to get involved in Street? Come to our writer’s meeting tonight, 6:30 PM at 4015 Walnut. We’ll be your valentines, xoxoxo.

34th Street MagazineJanuary 30, 2014 at 8:53 am

STREET Presents: Left to Grieve Alone, Together

Street 01.30.2014On this chilly Thursday, Street is dedicated to the lives and legacies of the Penn students who have died in the last four  years and to the friends and loved ones they left behind. Our feature investigates Penn’s policy for dealing with student deaths.

Our other sections celebrate life at Penn, in all its messy glory, and we hope you will pick up a copy.

34th Street MagazineJanuary 23, 2014 at 8:55 am

STREET Presents: Alone in the City of Brotherly Love

Street01.23.14Snow days be damned, Street is back and ready to welcome all of our new members! This week we’re all about being alone in Philadelphia, chilling on a bench and smellin’ the roses.

If you’ve already broken your resolution to go to the gym, Highbrow has some much better ideas, submitted by YOU. We can’t reschedule bid day but Ego can give you retrospectives on rush. And we’d never let you watch the Grammys without a drinking game. Film has a sick chart to tell you what you missed when you fell asleep during American Hustle (no shame).

Finally, we have some real alternatives to Greek life and Greek Lady: crazy good Greek food from Kanella. We got some secrets from the Chef. If you never want to wear your open house rush shirt again, give it new life with a DIY that would make Martha Stewart kvell.

You’ve read our words, but now it’s time to write your own. Come be a part of 34th Street at our first writers’ meeting of the semester. We extend a special invite to our Class of 2014 Freshmen Superlatives. Tonight, 6:30 PM 4015 Walnut. We love you like XO.

34th Street MagazineDecember 5, 2013 at 9:00 am

STREET Presents: McStreet

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For Street’s last issue of the semester, we were all like, joke’s on you! It’s all about the 40th and Walnut McDonald’s! Mickey D’s! The Golden Arches! America’s Meatheart! Old McDonald had a farm, but that’s not where the Big Mac comes from… PINK SLIME TIME! (Nickelodeon, take note).

This week, we did it all before finals or calories could catch up with us. A courageous reporter even attempted the 50 nuggets in 30 minutes challenge. What’s the over-under on how many he ate before vomming? Find out here. And sadly, some poor soul had to clean up that puke. Ego talked to McDonald’s very own manager for the exclusive inside scoop, er, soft-serve swirl?

And forget Burger King or Wendy’s. Taco Bell is the true rival of McDonald’s, and we analyzed the existential differences between the entertainment playing while you devour those Doritos Locos Tacos versus while you chomp on that McRib. But don’t for a hot (or lukewarm) second think that McDonald’s is the easiest of fast food. We hear that McDonald’s has admission rates lower than dear old Pennsylvania herself. You’d think they could at the very least offer a soda fountain with free refills to offset the outrageous cost of tuition.

If you ever find yourself wishing you were just a fly on the art on the wall of McDonald’s, look no further than this week’s Contrapposto. Or maybe that’s not sceney enough for you? Well, while you were busy posting Kelvin-filtered art$y pics of your last meal at Vetri, our photog compiled an insta essay like no other.

P.S. Be my date to formal? I really really don’t want to get set up with the Hamburglar.


P.P.S. No matter what, we’re loving it. It was nice posting for you all. We’ll miss it greatly. <3z forever (::::

34th Street MagazineNovember 21, 2013 at 9:00 am

STREET Presents: Shoutouts and Senior Superlatives!

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Gossip Squirrel here. Your one and only source into the lives of Penn’s scandalous elite. Except not cultural elite—it’s only senior superlatives. Spotted: some thankful Penn students SABSing on the Van Pelt couches just longing for Thanksgiving break. Although the winter blues might be causing a serious lack of drama, I can tell you who’s going down next: Daughtry.

And here’s a scandal for you: my sources tell me that two Penn frosh went on a blind date with some mood lighting. Dating? “Dinner and a movie?” So passé. Unless it’s Pod or White Dog, you’re not good enough for Gossip Squirrel.

But if my dish isn’t enough for you, there’s always your own submissions. You may think I’m bad, but you’re your own worst enemy

And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Squirrel

34th Street MagazineNovember 14, 2013 at 9:00 am

STREET Presents: From the Middle Kingdom to the Mid–Atlantic

Screen Shot 2013-11-13 at 11.14.37 PM Caught in the act of a duckface selfie, and your life can’t sink any lower. Talk to your doctor about how Street could be right for you. This week Highbrow checks out Penn goodies for sale on eBay, and you can bet that we’re just waiting for someone to auction off Amy G’s used kleenexes. We have a hunch they’d go for more than our degrees are worth. We also investigated how Penn degrees can help you in the arts.

Here’s 23 Reasons Why Reading Street Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity
Let’s talk about the line for Magic Carpet. It’s longer than the biggest penis on campus. Also, is the name a reference to Aladdin? And is that Coldplay and Rihanna song “Princess of China” about Mulan? So many questions. Anyway, in the Disney spirit, we’ll sign off: May the force be with you… or should we say live long and prosper? And speaking of nerds that are out of this world, Ego talked to the senior guys of BMOC. We just hope none of them are participating in No Shave November.
And submit those shoutouts!!!!!! Soy vey.
34th Street MagazineNovember 7, 2013 at 9:00 am

STREET Presents: Success

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Happy homecoming, Quakers ducklings. Before all the celebrating begins, be sure to pick up a copy of Street. We’ve got picks for your playlist this weekend (wait, what, no, of course I didn’t put Aaron’s Party on! That would be so embarrassing. Spotify must have made a mistake) plus recommendations for the best Penn spirit wear. You can bursar bandeaus! Also in the athletics-themed festival spirit, some football players shared their deepest and darkest secrets with us. And we put it on the backpage. Highbrow also has this thing where they predict your fortune based on your astrological sign. It’s 137% accurate, we swear. Food and Drink pits HipCityVeg against McDonalds. We learned that a groothie a day keeps the doctor away, but we don’t even want to think about what Chicken McNuggets do.

Quick: Throwback Thursday! Anyone still watch HIMYM? Remember at Penn Preview Days when you had to take a dramatic picture outside Platt for the stupid scavenger hunt? Yeah… oh, and Lowbrow’s got mail. Remember AOL?!
BREAKING NEWS - Startup spelled backwards is put rats! Put rats where? I don’t know! If anyone knows where to put the rats, please let us know at genehackbar@yahoo.com.
34th Street MagazineOctober 31, 2013 at 8:00 am

SREET Presents: The Alcohol Issue

Screen Shot 2013-10-30 at 11.19.29 PMHappy Halloween, Streetures! (street creatures) All the midterms this week are making us feel pretty meh. So we have another Meh List for you, Halloween edition. Speaking of the holiday, are you going out tonight? We are! Here’s hoping you can both down drinks like they’re candy and avoid MERT… successful night, right? Well, some people call blacking out a successful night of drinking. Street investigates the blackout rage that’s sweeping the nation (and not everyone drinks Banker’s). Even Lowbrow took part in some alcohol festivities. But if you’re in the mood for a sober Halloween, you can always celebrate by watching a few horror movies. And we’ve still got some treats for you Halloween haters (no tricks are necessary): Arcade Fire has a new album out, and we take on the fancy pants new Singh Center for Nanotechnology.

Until next week,


xoxo Grammar Girl (not to be confused with PBS’ popular educational TV show, Word Girl)
34th Street MagazineOctober 24, 2013 at 9:00 am

STREET Presents: Club Dead

Screen Shot 2013-10-23 at 10.45.46 PMIs Halloween 2spooky4u? Well too bad, because this week’s issue of Street is all about spooky spots. Seriously, after getting high after midnight, the Biopond can manifest a chill in your bones. Though, Arts provides an informative piece on the Laurel Hill Cemetery. Maybe try exploring that after your weekend smoke? That’ll make for an interesting dispatch…

Aside from Theos being scared shitless after the delightful discovery that their Google Group is public, you may be shocked to learn that Wes Anderson is indeed an auteur. What’s an auteur? It’s about as complex as the fucked up frosh Lowbrow interviewed this week. Disclaimer: THIS GIRL IS RATCHET. But we love her as much as Wes.
Werewolf bar mitzvahs: spooky scary boys becoming men, men becoming wolves. It’s what college hookups are all about: coming of age. To help you in your pursuits of happiness, Music guides you through the first glance of your newest hookup’s apartment: those posters of famous musicians. It’s not time to shine. Just shine bright like a diamond when the full moon is out on your quest to werewolf-dom.
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