Just when we thought Hill was making a name for itself, it had to go and do this. Look, we’re all for a bit of friendly competition between the sexes, but c’mon Hill Council–why the not-so-subtle stereotyping? Honestly, this email just leaves us wondering if the “Top-Ranked Male” would be allowed to get a jersey in pink. Ugh, just more proof that Beyoncé really is flawless.
Seth Meyers is no longer an anchor for Weekend Update, and we’re certainly mourning the loss. However, the recently announced Authors@Wharton Spring lineup is helping to ease our pain, as our beloved late night jokester’s lady friend is slated to make yet another appearance at Penn in April.
Other speakers include comedic writers AJ Jacobs and Pete McGraw as well as Wharton prof Stewart Friedman, but let’s be real–we’re most excited to hear A-Huff (that abbreviation only provides further proof she’s A-Gut’s Greek twin) spill the secrets behind her success. And maybe share some wisdom like this.
Register here for the event, and in the meantime, let’s pray that Meyers will grace us with his presence in April, too.
Is the ominous foreshadowing of how little sleep you’ll get this semester – proved by your recently updated GCal – getting you down? Are you already sick of the (so-called) “food” options on campus? Or did Bey’s ridiculous performance at the Grammys just make you want to give up?
Look, we get it: the beginning of the semester is tough. Cue Socks, the newest member of the Penn Police force – and, oh yeah, an 18-month-old Labrador – who will be responsible for keeping campus safe when b@l!er$ roll through. Seriously, what better way to relieve your new-semester-jitters than with a little lovin’ from this protective pooch?
all the Miley tongues, the lack of explanation for why everyone is shirtless, that one kid who’s rubbing his nipples seductively, that other kid who’s utterly elated at being sprawled across all his bros, and of course, the caption. We’re not exactly sure of what you won, but we’re proud. Thank you for the welcome distraction, but alas, we must get back to studying.
Drowning in the escapable stress that is the end-of-semester crunch? Not to worry, because Penn Vet is at it again. Tomorrow from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m., bring your pet to the hospital to get its picture taken with Santa. That’s right. SANTA CLAUS AND A DOG IN THE SAME PICTURE. It’s Santa Paws!
Photo ops cost a mere $10, and all proceeds directly benefit cancer research at Penn Vet. So if you need a soothing break from your mounting anxiety, recognize the potentially cosmic forces behind a partnership of Santa and puppies, or simply appreciate a gentle pun, get in on the good c(l)ause.
Forgive us, for we have sinned. It’s been a…long semester, but it’s finally winding down. We sure are a thankful bunch, but we’ve also done some ish we’re not proud of. See below for all the things for which we only wish we could be forgiven.
1. That time we hooked up with an Allied Barton security guard. It was past 2 a.m., we didn’t feel like signing anyone into the Quad, and we couldn’t resist that uniform.
2. …and then how we wallowed in self-pity the next morning by purchasing a questionable cheddar cheese-stuffed pretzel from Wawa. And washed it down with probably expired chocolate milk.
3. All those times we chose Sweetgreen over Saladworks. Seriously, why spend $11 for an over-priced, under-dressed salad, when you can pay $6 for a perfectly acceptable meal that most likely qualifies as containing vegetables by the FDA’s standards?
4. On a similar note, every time we actually get frozen yogurt at Kiwi. All we really want to do is skip the froyo part and just fill up our cups with toppings.
5. Not stealing more utensils/decorations from the dining halls. Those paper napkins and festive squashes could go a long way for a broke college student.
6. Those two times we called our Econ professor “dad.” It happens to everyone, right?
7. And that one time we called Amy Gutmann “mom” at her annual holiday party. We can only dream of being blessed with her flawless genes.
9. Not giving Kweder a chance when he asked us out that one time. For all we know, we could be wifed up right now if we had just texted him back.
10. And of course, forgive us for not being at all ready for our impending finals. To be completely honest, we never even bought our textbooks.
Alas, another year older, but none the wiser.
The delivery may be a bit self-righteous, but the argument itself is valid: We do not drop a cool $60K a year to not get into courses we need for our major. Much respect for all those seniors who vow to confront the lady in the red pantsuit herself if they don’t get a spot in that Wharton core class they need to graduate.
Well, one ambitious Penn entrepreneur took the matter into her own hands by creating Penn Course Monkey, a site that texts you when a course opens up. All you have to do is give your email address, and–voilà–Penn InTouch has been foiled!
The site is up but not officially running yet, so feel free to continue sending angst-ridden emails to your advisors begging to get into the writing seminar you neglected to take as a freshman.