Hey Quakers, UTB here. Think we packed up and left with the rest of you for an impressive internship in New York or a backpacking trip through the Swiss Alps? Ha, think again. Our only plans include keeping you updated all summer long.
That’s right, we’re not going anywhere. So keep your eyes peeled for both Philly-centric summer features and all things Penn. Contrary to popular belief, life does go on on Locust even after the semester ends – though we’re not sure how Sweetgreen makes a profit without all you sorority betches around.
And with that, we wish you a relaxing and productive summer! Remember to keep our tip box full, and feel free to publicize every poor decision you make on Facebook so we can call you out on it. Ah, we’re missing you already.
Alas, we’ve hit that crucial point during finals: some people are done and others still have exams on Monday and Tuesday. Good thing there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s a list of the five best ways to procrastinate in these last few days of darkness:
1. Actually use the library resources…to dirty-chat the librarians ;)
2. And if that doesn’t quite do it for ya, there’s always 50 Shades fan-fiction. Because we know that finals week is a time when most students get a little horny restless.
3. If you’re looking for something a little more PG, bounce the cats on cat-bounce!
4. But if you want to feel semi-productive, you can kick it high school-style with this. What’s that? There no quiz to prepare you for your OPIM final? No worries, because there is a way to test your knowledge of these.
5.Watch the Godfather trilogy…on a computer in the Forum. We’re sureno one will mind!
We know that maintaining such ~impressive~ grades is expensive: late-night espresso shots to get you through that Huntsman all-nighter really add up. Alas, Penn Bookstore to the rescue! Just give ‘em your “Best Piece of Advice” and you could win a $50 gift card as part of the Time to Shine Sweepstakes. What kind of advice are they looking for? And what exactly is the Time to Shine Sweepstakes? We have no idea. But there’s money involved, so who really cares.
Don’t remember Fling? No need to feel guilty, because neither do we. Thankfully, the DP has got us covered with this time-lapse video of all the !$h that was goin’ down in the Lower Quad while you were blackout not really yourself. So, enjoy folks – maybe if you watch the vid enough, you’ll eventually remember went you went from flingin’ to flung.
It’s early April. The leaves are a growin’. The sun has decided to show us some love. You wear shorts for the first time and are reminded that your Spring Break tan has faded (no pun intended). All of these context clues can only mean one thing… SPRING FLING TIME IS HERE!!! Thanks to Nate Stauffer and Jacob Reeder, we’re all reminded of the glorious behavior that will soon be on display from frat bros and sorority sistaz alike. But please y’all, try to exercise some discretion. Just like those flyers that have gone up around the Quad are reminding us - community matters.
Note: If you can’t see the video above, click here.
Fling wasn’t always an excuse for privileged Penn students to get away with public intoxication, public urination, and many other kinds of behaviorthat y’all should know better than to display in public. It actually used to have meaning, as evidenced in the above picture from 1954. Students gather at the Schuykill to support the Penn crew team, for which Callow Day — which became known as “Skimmer Day” in 1951 and finally “Spring Fling” in 1973 — was first started as a way to show the rowers support. So, you really think Girl Talk as the headliner is that bad? There’s no way that it could be worse than sitting by a river. Sober.
Alert the media: Hillel’s kosher-friendly dining hall, Falk Dining Commons, is making some changes. What are they? We’re glad you asked:
1. No more meals swipes or Kosher surcharge! Instead, Falk is switchin’ thangs up and offering Dining Dollar-only meals plans for those who frequent Hillel. Swipes may still be used on Shabbat and other holidays, though.
2. Every day will be a meat day — so yes, that means no more ice cream.
3. À la carte items (like those at Houston) will be available for retail.
Dartying is an art, y’all. So for those of you who haven’t mastered it yet and are instead looking to avoid this lil guytomorrow, head on out to Franklin Field on Saturday at 2 p.m. to kick off the Spring 2013 home athletics season! We hear there will be free food, free t-shirts, and other free swag. Plus, you can earn up to 20 Penn Rewards points (we don’t really know what those are, either) just for showing your smiling faces!
For those of you who are legitimately interested in the athletics (is the concept of a “sports fan” even a thing at Penn?), y’all are in luck too. There’s a baseball double-header and women’s lacrosse game at noon, followed by a softball double header at 1 p.m., and then a men’s lacrosse game at 3 p.m. We couldn’t think of a better way to promote ~sober fun~ (or could we?).
Alas, break is over, and the quad bathrooms don’t quite measure up to those at your grandparents’ retirement complex in Boca. But don’t worry, be happy!We’ve got a list to remind you why Penn is the !$h. Forrealz, we hear our beloved university is the place to be this spring. And here are ten reasons to prove it:
1. Let’s just state the obvious: Spring Fling is around the corner! Time to start those countdowns, folks.
2. And on top o’ that…St. Patty’s day is upon us! Bonus points for having a midterm the next day.
3. Which reminds us…There are still midterms we get to take! And then…finals!!! Like a fat kid at a candy story, y’all. Read the rest of this entry »
So, midterms are over, which means…SPRING BREAK 2k13!!! Where are you jetting off to – Cancun? Punta Cana? Cancun? But even if you’re not going away… Don’t get mad, get even! We’ve got a list to remind all you couch potatoes that you’re way better off than anyone ending up like thisat any point during the week.
1. You can watch this as many times as your heart delights: Even those five-star resorts have spotty Wi-Fi. However, for those of us shackin’ up with the rents for the week, we can watch this gem of a video over and over and over (and over) again. And then follow it up with this.
2. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want it, without shame: For all of you who went on a cleanse in the weeks leading up to break to get that perfect ~beach bod~, we’ve got the last laugh. For those of us kickin’ it back locally, we don’t have to worry about showing our near birthday suits on the beach, day after day. Cue that second helping of your mom’s meatloaf, please. Read the rest of this entry »
Hey Quakers, UTB here. Think we packed up and left with the rest of you for an impressive internship in New York or a backpacking trip through the Swiss Alps? Ha, think again. Our only plans include keeping you updated all summer long.
Alas, we’ve hit that crucial point during finals: some people are 
We know that maintaining such ~impressive~ grades is expensive: late-night espresso shots to get you through that Huntsman all-nighter really add up. Alas, Penn Bookstore to the rescue! Just give ‘em your “Best Piece of Advice” and you could win a $50 gift card as part of the Time to Shine Sweepstakes. What kind of advice are they looking for? And what exactly is the Time to Shine Sweepstakes? We have no idea. But there’s 
Dartying is an art, y’all. So for those of you who haven’t mastered it yet and are instead looking to avoid 
