[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Didn't the font tip you off?] Canadian power ballad babies Nickelback along with human with voice Susan Boyle are slated to appear at this year’s Spring Fling, says a SPEC source who we totally didn’t get drunk to force secrets from. The two superstar musical acts, who will be visiting campus in mid-April, will complete SPEC’s vision for this year’s Fling theme of “EFF U PENN,” a follow-up to last year’s popular “Once Upon a Fling” theme.
When reached for comment, Nickelback responded, “We totally don’t sound like an autotuned garbage disposal, guys. Why would you say that?” Susan Boyle, on the other hand, was all, “I’m, like, totally a good idea for Fling.” And there you have it, folks, another Spring Fling we can’t WAIT to get down and dirty for. Thanks, SPEC!
IT’S THE LAST WEEK BEFORE FINALS, STOP READING THIS AND GET DOWN WITH YOUR BAD SELF. HERE’S HOW:
Die Hard Screening Who: The Trocadero When and where: Monday, 8 p.m.; The Trocadero (10th and Arch) Why: ATTENTION UTB SHOPPERS: BRUCE WILLIS! Watch him in the subtle drama of Die Hard (1998). Costumes are encouraged. $3 gets you a ticket and goes towards a drink!
So you woke up over break, checked your schedule and got NONE of the classes you pre-registered for? Buck up, kids, the world’s going to end in a few short weeks! Here’s how you should be spending your last few days on earth:
Student-Athlete Talent Show Who: Penn athletes When and where: Today, 8 p.m.; The Palestra Why: A talent show is at its best a spectacle and its worst a complete train wreck. It’s a win-win situation– what do you have to lose? The event coordinators urge you to bring new and gently used hats, gloves and scarves for donation to the homeless, which rules.
You’ve heard of Yelp right? It’s that user review website where anyone with WiFi can praise or protest a business, restaurant, hotel or university with a rating out of five stars. The best part? The descriptions, those digital snacks of wisdom (and/or complete crazy) where users can say almost anything they want. “But are they accurate?” you ask.
That’s where we come in. Introducing our newest feature, On The Button, in which we review your reviews in the spirit of journalism, hilarity and all things meta. Our first target? Yup, that bastion of mouse feces, curly fries and ice cream with hair in it (we have pics, trust): 1920 Commons, currently rated a 3/5 on Yelp. So come along, friends– all you’ve got to lose is your faith in all crowdsourced material!
Well, kids, if our endorsement of Jazz and Groove’s Aeroplane party tomorrow night at Castle didn’t do it for you, then maybe this less-than-tasteful video to the face might? Personally, we prefer the other kind, but tomayto-tomahto, we suppose.
(Ed. note: Jazz and Grooves, common courtesy is to ask your partner beforehand. Ya kenn?)
With Penn all up on its urban gentrification thang, you’ve only got a few more weeks (or months, depending on who you ask) to enjoy views of the beautiful 40th Street M.E. Church, like this one from 1962 courtesy of the Digital Archives. From fire and brimstone to cream and sugar, from priest-a to barista (shut up), this entire situation seems a little ridiculous. We’re no Bible-thumpers, but there are already plenty of places to get froyo and coffee on campus. Can we get an amen?
[Ed. note: SO! This church on 40th and Chestnut is not a picture of the church in question. Looks like a fine place for more gentrification though, wouldn't you agree?]
Friarside Coffeehouse Who: Friars Senior Society and Penn Habitat for Humanity When and where: Wednesday, 8 p.m.; The Castle (36th and Locust) Why: It’s a tasting menu of all the wonderful performing arts groups on campus with coffee and other yums. For $6! Getcha tix on the Walk.