FeaturesApril 8, 2014 at 11:28 am

Quaker Days: Who Needs Hosts When All Penn Is Your Home

BkUY-jrCEAAF83hDean Furda, we feel your pain. Who wouldn’t think it would be incredibly easy to find housing for over 1,000 pimply pre-frosh the week before fling?

Even though it might seem like no one was listening as you pleaded for more males to host males, we were, and we have some advice. So if your hosting drive doesn’t pan out, here are some alternative suggestions for Quaker Days sleeping locations that will truly give these kids a taste of what Penn is all about.

1) Under the button: Now, we might be biased, but what better way to welcome in the new baby Quakes than with an inauguration into one of Penn’s most famed campus traditions? Give them that experience the brochures just don’t completely capture.

We Have Plenty More

NewsApril 1, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Best Of Penn 2014

b9i05wAfter voting for Penn Madness and the Penn madness of voting have got you all riled up, we have a new fantastic opportunity for you voice your extremely strong opinions about the things you really care about: food, alcohol, outlets and waxing.

Working together to bring you the lists to beat all lists, the DP and 34th Street┬áhave compiled your favorite things about Penn’s campus. Almost more fun than picking your favorites might be picking who is going to publish what. (Can the DP write about masturbation?) These polls are not your typical SurveyMonkey marketing listerserv spam, and we guarantee the competition will be almost as fierce, and perhaps slightly more realistic, than Frat Privacy Settings vs Abnormal School Closures. Voting is open here until April 6th and be sure to check out UTB for some flash polls to spice up you day.

Quick! Vote now for Tuesday’s Flash Poll, Best Place to Get Down.

Stand-Up, Singing, and Social Media-- Your Retta Recap, brought to you by Under the Button.
Penn MadnessMarch 25, 2014 at 1:32 pm

Penn Madness: The Elite Eight!

penn madness bracket

So now that all of your March Madness brackets have gone to shit, time for the real fun to begin. Our Elite Eight is ready to compete for your votes, going head to head in some of the most intense matches yet. Tears were shed over the loss of FOMO (they just didn’t want to miss out) and we hear engineers were up at 8:30 trying to sway the snow vote. But now, that’s all in the past. Let Round Two begin!

The Performers or The Dance Floor Antics

View Results

Mixers Gone Wrong or Snow Gone Just Right

View Results

Penn Star vs Frat Stars

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Indulging in Chicken vs Indulging in Hypocrisy

View Results

NewsMarch 18, 2014 at 10:30 am

Hey Day T-Shirt Design Contest Is NOT Over

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2013 Winner

Breathe easy aspiring fashion designers, contrary to the website details, the Hey Day T-Shirt Contest deadline has not yet passed. You have exactly 30 1/2 hours (5pm on March 19th) to craft the design that will clobber the competition with its hat and cane based perfection.

This is your chance to enshrine your artwork on a t-shirt worn by over 2,500 students staggering down Locust Walk covered in flour and chunks of half-chewed Styrofoam. Tempted? Go to the Hey Day website to submit your design and take a good long look at your peers who have failed in the past.

NewsFebruary 25, 2014 at 3:46 pm

The Semester of Start-Ups Kontinues

1921048_223954787808690_1890879772_oAt this time in the semester, along with the buildup of midterms and the looming promise of Spring Break, comes the onslaught of fleeting and cleverly named MGMT 230 start-ups. The Stress Stop, following the trend of 230′s past, attempts to delight the student body with the thrilling combination of convenience, risque puns, and the solving of problems we never knew we had with tailored versions of already existing companies.

Based in Hunstman and Van Pelt, The Stress Stop promises in-library school supply sales and door-to-door delivery of “keyboard kondoms,” colorful protective plastic wrapping for your laptop keys. However, while we appreciate a good pun and an appeal to laziness as much as the next student, if we were thinking about getting frisky with our electronics, the tagline–”School Rapes. Use Protection.”–might make us seek our pleasures elsewhere. Not kool.

What's HapPENNingFebruary 17, 2014 at 9:30 am

What’s HapPENNing?

812710193efe351900d6e1c9af5a159dWelcome back to a week filled with slightly warmer temperatures. Can someone say 50 degrees on Friday?!* Here’s a roundup of this week’s events to get you out of your dorms and into the quasi sunshine.

*iPhone Weather App Used As Source

Congressional Candidate Val Arkoosh

Who? Penn Dems
Where? Huntsman 365
When? Monday, 8:30 p.m.
What? Former Penn professor speaks about ditching her PennCard and running for Congress.

Free For All: Mitral Transmission

Who? ICA
Where? ICA
When? Wednesday, 6:30 p.m.
What? We’re not sure, but this–”take home a print made on plantable paper, enjoy festive wintry snacks, and hear the music of your own body”–sounds awesome.

A Taste Of Life

Who? Penn’s Microenterprise Venture
Where? TBA
When? Thursday, 6 to 8 p.m., 5:30 p.m. early bird ticket
What? ALL FOOD COMES TO PENN. Restaurant Week on campus. Read the rest of this entry »

Love WeekFebruary 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

Dear Fireplace In Starbucks Under Commons…A Love Letter

lOh Fireplace in Starbucks Under Commons, the eternal burning of your dancing flames continually reignites my passionate love for your existence. Why do you tempt me with the promise of warmth, then shun me behind your cold glass case and provide no cackling or heat? Why do you draw me in with the hope of comfort, then surround yourself with chairs that torment my back and torture my interior design sensibilities?

Oh fickle lover, I want you all the more for your games. I will watch you while I sip my grande coffee slowly enough to avoid a visit to your upstairs bathroom before I must leave to charge my computer. I love you even though I cannot think of a practical reason for you to continue to burn. Be mine this Valentines Day, be mine.

Love Always,

Your Secret Admirer

NewsFebruary 7, 2014 at 2:56 pm

Dig Discovers Dope Dino

tumblr_lqfv2lR3yL1qgcd7ao1_400In classic overachieving fashion, a team lead by two Penn paleontologists discovered not only a new dinosaur skeleton, but an entirely new dinosaur species. Concerned about their new baby feeling left out when trying to buy souvenir key-chains, the team named him Yongjinglong datangi (although we hear he goes by “Jim”).

The recently unearthed lizard is a 50 to 60 foot long herbivore rumored to have subsisted entirely on kale and the occasional edamame bean. A proud member of Titanosaurs clan, a group of vegan all-stars whose name is not pronounced like any part of female anatomy, the fully grown “Jim” might weigh in at over 100,000 pounds. Check out the DP for all the details.

NewsJanuary 30, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Career Services Found Your Dream Job

FireworksThose who think Career Services only exists to help funnel us through OCR and into consulting think again! According to this recent tweet, they have the hookup for the summer’s most coveted job placement, short term firework salesman.

No networking required, just the ability to channel your inner Katy Perry and forget that the kid buying the firecracker may return missing a limb.

@PennCareerJobs Thanks for finding something for us to do with our liberal arts majors #OCRebel