At this time in the semester, along with the buildup of midterms and the looming promise of Spring Break, comes the onslaught of fleeting and cleverly named MGMT 230 start-ups. The Stress Stop, following the trend of 230′s past, attempts to delight the student body with the thrilling combination of convenience, risque puns, and the solving of problems we never knew we had with tailored versions of already existing companies.
Based in Hunstman and Van Pelt, The Stress Stop promises in-library school supply sales and door-to-door delivery of “keyboard kondoms,” colorful protective plastic wrapping for your laptop keys. However, while we appreciate a good pun and an appeal to laziness as much as the next student, if we were thinking about getting frisky with our electronics, the tagline–”School Rapes. Use Protection.”–might make us seek our pleasures elsewhere. Not kool.
Welcome back to a week filled with slightly warmer temperatures. Can someone say 50 degrees on Friday?!* Here’s a roundup of this week’s events to get you out of your dorms and into the quasi sunshine.
*iPhone Weather App Used As Source
Congressional Candidate Val Arkoosh
Who? Penn Dems
Where? Huntsman 365
When? Monday, 8:30 p.m.
What? Former Penn professor speaks about ditching her PennCard and running for Congress.
Free For All: Mitral Transmission
When? Wednesday, 6:30 p.m.
What? We’re not sure, but this–”take home a print made on plantable paper, enjoy festive wintry snacks, and hear the music of your own body”–sounds awesome.
A Taste Of Life
Who? Penn’s Microenterprise Venture
When? Thursday, 6 to 8 p.m., 5:30 p.m. early bird ticket
What? ALL FOOD COMES TO PENN. Restaurant Week on campus. Read the rest of this entry »
Oh Fireplace in Starbucks Under Commons, the eternal burning of your dancing flames continually reignites my passionate love for your existence. Why do you tempt me with the promise of warmth, then shun me behind your cold glass case and provide no cackling or heat? Why do you draw me in with the hope of comfort, then surround yourself with chairs that torment my back and torture my interior design sensibilities?
Oh fickle lover, I want you all the more for your games. I will watch you while I sip my grande coffee slowly enough to avoid a visit to your upstairs bathroom before I must leave to charge my computer. I love you even though I cannot think of a practical reason for you to continue to burn. Be mine this Valentines Day, be mine.
Your Secret Admirer
In classic overachieving fashion, a team lead by two Penn paleontologists discovered not only a new dinosaur skeleton, but an entirely new dinosaur species. Concerned about their new baby feeling left out when trying to buy souvenir key-chains, the team named him Yongjinglong datangi (although we hear he goes by “Jim”).
The recently unearthed lizard is a 50 to 60 foot long herbivore rumored to have subsisted entirely on kale and the occasional edamame bean. A proud member of Titanosaurs clan, a group of vegan all-stars whose name is not pronounced like any part of female anatomy, the fully grown “Jim” might weigh in at over 100,000 pounds. Check out the DP for all the details.
Those who think Career Services only exists to help funnel us through OCR and into consulting think again! According to this recent tweet, they have the hookup for the summer’s most coveted job placement, short term firework salesman.
No networking required, just the ability to channel your inner Katy Perry and forget that the kid buying the firecracker may return missing a limb.
@PennCareerJobs Thanks for finding something for us to do with our liberal arts majors #OCRebel
Some people missed friends, fewer people missed classes, and at least one student missed Shakespeare in a way that makes us uncomfortable. One college coed just couldn’t resist the sultry stare of everyone’s favorite bard and locked lips, and face in general, quite a few times with this picture in Fisher-Bennett’s main entrance. Props to the mystery Shakespeare smoocher who put even Juliet to shame and solidified Bill’s place as English Lit’s sex-idol.
Shocking college students across the country, Bloomberg.com reports that men from fraternities, specifically men from Penn’s fraternities, more specifically men from Penn’s Jewish fraternities, even more specifically men from APES, use their frat connections to help score the OCR jackpot of a Wall Street job. According to the article, some recruiters strive to create just adorable “little fraternities on Wall Street,” evoking promises of occasionally forced handle passes, beer pong, and maybe, just maybe, cheap vodka disguised in expensive bottles. We hope you succeed Sigma Chi.
The brother/frat-house bond lasts long into the workforce, with Wall Street titans trying to help their little bros with their money troubles and accusations of serious hazing violations.
Anecdotes of undercover handshakes and surprise secret mottoes (just got the chills), may make some GDIs wish they had spent a little less time studying and a little more time working on their fist bump. All of this may make you wonder how women fit into the mix, with the article sadly revealing that even a sister with Kappa Kappa Gamma on her resume might have a hard time fitting in with the boys club.
Junior Sweater Pickup--Head to College Hall Room 200 from 5:30-7:30 to ignore the music, food, and photobooth, pick up your sweater (or two if you're that kind of kid) and head back into your study holes.
Every once in a while there comes along something that allows us to believe that our classes are actually relevant (sorry I’m not pre-med Dad). Cue Jason Merrin, a 2013 grad who turned an award winning screenplay from class into an almost movie we actually want to see.
Collaborating with other Penn students, recent grads, and professors (see tags), Merrin filmed Sleepwalkers, a feature length movie about a world that comes to life when we’re asleep. It’s filled with love, intrigue, and the rapid growth of under-eye circles.
But like any good post grad with loans and a fully filmed movie, Merrin needs some money. Check out his Kickstarter page to help fund post-production and make Penn proud.
In conjunction with One Day, the aptly named Hillel event that brought us this website you should not open in class with your volume on (sorry Professor Apicella), Matisyahu is bringing his reggae singing, hipster Jew self to The Blockley on December 4th. Click the above link for tickets and backstage passes to
smoke sing with the man who even semi-beardless can make all the ladies swoon (here’s a before pic). We recommend you get yourself into whatever state he appears to be in before watching this slightly disturbing promo-video. Is he really into light, or just subtly calling us all losers?