NewsJanuary 30, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Career Services Found Your Dream Job

FireworksThose who think Career Services only exists to help funnel us through OCR and into consulting think again! According to this recent tweet, they have the hookup for the summer’s most coveted job placement, short term firework salesman.

No networking required, just the ability to channel your inner Katy Perry and forget that the kid buying the firecracker may return missing a limb.

@PennCareerJobs Thanks for finding something for us to do with our liberal arts majors #OCRebel

NewsJanuary 16, 2014 at 4:21 pm

To Kiss, Or Not To Kiss

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Some people missed friends, fewer people missed classes, and at least one student missed Shakespeare in a way that makes us uncomfortable. One college coed just couldn’t resist the sultry stare of everyone’s favorite bard and locked lips, and face in general, quite a few times with this picture in Fisher-Bennett’s main entrance. Props to the mystery Shakespeare smoocher who put even Juliet to shame and solidified Bill’s place as English Lit’s sex-idol.

NewsDecember 24, 2013 at 12:50 pm

The Bro of Frat Street

original Shocking college students across the country, reports that men from fraternities, specifically men from Penn’s fraternities, more specifically men from Penn’s Jewish fraternities, even more specifically men from APES, use their frat connections to help score the OCR jackpot of a Wall Street job. According to the article, some recruiters strive to create just adorable “little fraternities on Wall Street,” evoking promises of occasionally forced handle passes, beer pong, and maybe, just maybe, cheap vodka disguised in expensive bottles. We hope you succeed Sigma Chi.

The brother/frat-house bond lasts long into the workforce, with Wall Street titans trying to help their little bros with their money troubles and accusations of serious hazing violations.

Anecdotes of undercover handshakes and surprise secret mottoes (just got the chills), may make some GDIs wish they had spent a little less time studying and a little more time working on their fist bump. All of this may make you wonder how women fit into the mix, with the article sadly revealing that even a sister with Kappa Kappa Gamma on her resume might have a hard time fitting in with the boys club.

Junior Sweater Pickup--Head to College Hall Room 200 from 5:30-7:30 to ignore the music, food, and photobooth, pick up your sweater (or two if you're that kind of kid) and head back into your study holes.
NewsDecember 10, 2013 at 10:30 am

Penn Grad Makes An Indie Movie

Every once in a while there comes along something that allows us to believe that our classes are actually relevant (sorry I’m not pre-med Dad). Cue Jason Merrin, a 2013 grad who turned an award winning screenplay from class into an almost movie we actually want to see.

Collaborating with other Penn students, recent grads, and professors (see tags), Merrin filmed Sleepwalkers, a feature length movie about a world that comes to life when we’re asleep. It’s filled with love, intrigue, and the rapid growth of under-eye circles.

But like any good post grad with loans and a fully filmed movie, Merrin needs some money. Check out his Kickstarter page to help fund post-production and make Penn proud.

NewsDecember 2, 2013 at 1:35 pm

Matisyahu Comes To The Blockley And Sends Us This…

In conjunction with One Day, the aptly named Hillel event that brought us this website you should not open in class with your volume on (sorry Professor Apicella), Matisyahu is bringing his reggae singing, hipster Jew self to The Blockley on December 4th. Click the above link for tickets and backstage passes to smoke sing with the man who even semi-beardless can make all the ladies swoon (here’s a before pic). We recommend you get yourself into whatever state he appears to be in before watching this slightly disturbing promo-video. Is he really into light, or just subtly calling us all losers?

NewsNovember 25, 2013 at 10:42 am

What Day Is It Again?

frustration_cartoonIn a bizarre act of scheduling contortion, the Penn powers that be have decided to forgo the constraints of normal weekly progression. Monday will be Monday, Tuesday will by Thursday, and Wednesday will be Friday.

But those of us who tend to over-think things in a spectacular frenzy (the vast majority of UTB writers) are plagued by unanswerable questions. Will Thursday be Tuesday? Or will it be Saturday? Another Thursday? Where do Wednesday and Tuesday go? If no one’s here on Wednesday does Friday even happen? If Tuesday is Thursday is Tuesday Thanksgiving?

50% Off Kiwi Today--Bring your student card to everyone's favorite closest yogurt store to get half off on whatever concoction you can create. True froyo lovers like their yogurt even better when its 37 degrees.
NewsNovember 12, 2013 at 12:32 pm

Ben Gets A Homecoming Shower


Thanks to one urinatior bold enough to send us a tweet, UTB finally has confirmation that the jokes about people peeing on Ben Franklin’s inviting lap are based in reality. According to the above police citation, emptying your bladder on our founding father can run you 50 bucks, so be ready to pay up for crossing this one off your senior bucket list.

FeaturesNovember 6, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Penn Porn: Skyline Edition

1391806_10200736730483597_917242970_nThanks to Jason Liberman, a Harnwell Rooftop Lounge photographer who managed to pull his head out of his book long enough to appreciate this sensual sunset. Our apologies to all those who missed a glimpse of its bodacious beauty. Stay sexy Philly, we’re always watching.