[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Our logo was Button the Under for a whole day and you didn't even notice.] For those of you who are still fiddling with your schedules for next semester, a new graduate course just opened up on Penn InTouch with limited spots for undergrads. Permits are required for this course through the Political Science Department, Department of Religious Studies, and History Department. Yes, undergrads need all three departments to sign off on their permits before enrolling in this course on Jewish and Presidential Thought. According to our sources, no permits have yet been completed. Let the mayhem begin.
Finals are a time of adderall, acne, and, apparently, aphrodisiac-itude. This [unconfirmed] Penn student is getting his (or her) XXX Cinema Studies on in Van Pelt in broad daylight. Seriously kid, wtf? For those of you who want to watch porn on a VP computer in an open study lounge, don’t. You’ll end up on YouTube, just like this genius.
Did you know there was a University of Pennsylvania Youtube channel? Now you do. This 30-second thriller evokes the “Ooh!”s and “Ah!”s from prospective students far and wide, but it’s only one small piece of the puzzle. You can watch cool as shit science. Or this baby calf’s first steps at Penn Vet (seriously so adorable). Or Amy Gutmann moderating a panel (less adorable). In any case, go spend an hour selfishly sifting through the videos in hopes of finding yourself.
In light of someone’s big 6-4, we’d like to take you back to a feature that we so vehemently miss. Did you know Amy Gutmann loves dogs? Capogiro? Basketball? Probably not, considering we’ve not been keeping you up-to-date on our President’s most trivial affairs.
We bet you can count on less than 3 hands how many times you’ve seen our president around campus (excluding Amy-specific events and Capogiro). We need your eyes and ears, but most importantly your smartphone cameras, to be on the lookout for Amy G. so we can bring back Chasing Amy, a feature that sheds light into the life of a likely life-ful woman.
Looks like SPEC is trying its best to not be hated by the student body [again] by launching a super simple survey in order to solicit ideas from the wonderful student body that is you. This survey is really very simple. You tell them your name, your email, and your choice for a headliner and opener, then BAM: you look like a fool cuz you really don’t have a choice. Well, you could…but no. Yes. No.
It’s like, a democracy or something. But really, take the survey. You really have nothing to lose, sans any hope ever.
The Class Board of ’15 is selling the 2015 Classic Ivy Sweatshirt, and it’s just as expensive as sweatshirts from classes past! Order now through Sunday, November 11th, and your $33 investment might just get you looking like your $exy class board pictured above (no promises).
Editor’s note: Do not dry your sweatshirt.
Send photos of your costumes to email@example.com if you want to be Halloween-famous. Some day next week, we’ll post the best costumes. That night, UTB After Dark will post the most heinous and outrageous costumes, so prepare ye. Photos of yourself, your friends, and Penn students you don’t know are all fair game.
Magic is really very simple. All you’ve got to do is want something, and then let yourself have it.