NewsDecember 4, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Ashley Hebert Gets Hitched!

Looks like Will & Kate aren’t the only ones deserving of a “Congratulations!”

Ashley Hebert, Penn Dental grad (we think?) and 2010 Bachelorette, finally wed J.P. Rosenbaum this past Sunday in Pasadena, California. Penn students will remember Ash from her talks last year in Commons and Houston Hall, as well as her hip-hop dance class at Pottruck. Girl’s got MOVES.

UTB’s favorite Ashlorette is only the second Bachelorette to marry the man who received her final rose. ABC will air the wedding ceremony on Dec. 16. While we’re happy for our fellow Quaker, Penn girls everywhere roll their eyes over the poor misfortune of this nice Jewish boy marrying a shiksa. As our grandmothers would say, “THIS IS CHUTZPAH.”

NewsNovember 28, 2012 at 11:37 am

ATTN: Future Wearers of “I Met My Spouse At Penn” Buttons

Spotted in the VP bathrooms. Click to zoom.

Tired of sending romantic texts meant for your boyfriend to your dad instead? Accidentally mass SnapChat that picture of your ta-tas? Have no fear, overly touchy, PDA couples with matching profile pictures – there’s an app for that.

Between is Penn’s latest venture into the world of iPhone apps. According to its description, “Between is a private mobile space for you and your special someone. Share photos, texts, voice messages, and special days on Between to make your great relationship even better.” Ew.

In other words, a more secretive way for you to send nudie pics to your special someone. Merry Christmas, baby.

NewsNovember 20, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Finally! News We Can Trust!

Tired of the DP not covering the news you want to read about? Unhappy with 34th Street gossip or UTB tips? If so, look no further than The Dirty Pennsylvanian, an independent student news organization founded roughly 12 hours ago by a group of students with too much time on their hands. With a whopping total of 24 followers (!!!), the new DP is here to answer your burning questions about student life and events on campus. Here a few examples:

Wharton Students Hold For-Profit Thanksgiving Soup Kitchen

Student That Eats Chipotle Every Day Confused by Weight Gain

Amy Guttman Sex Tape Leaked. “Yeah, I Seen it.” Reports Bro.

So if you’d rather have your news in 140 characters or less, go ahead and become the new DP’s 25th follower! We here at the real DP won’t be mad. Honest! It’s not personal. Seriously, it’s totally fine. Just, hold on, we’ll be right back…we…MOMMYYYY!

ShutterButtonNovember 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

ShutterButton: Ready to Rock?

Are you a drummer? Do you like alcohol? Are you walking your dog right now? Did you vote today?* If so, look no further than these flyers posted all over Baltimore — that is, if you’re under 40 (or at least look like it). Preston Hull has channeled its inner J-14 Magazine and published this complex flowchart for anyone interested in joining their band. It may not help you find out if that hottie from Econ is into you (looking at you, kid in front row with striking blue eyes and kippah), but at least you’ll see if you have what it takes to ROCK.

*not actually listed as a requirement in the flowchart but like, duh