Nice wheels. Good idea to lock them up. Wouldn’t want a robber to snatch ‘em and then slowly scoot away without burning a single calorie.

More Penn-related news from The Bachelorette, the show where winning is losing and losing is double losing. A hearty ‘good luck’ to rumored The Bachelorette contestant, Wharton grad Doug Clerget, 33. The single dad (also leaked: he is wealthy and buff. What else could one possibly ask for in this world of ours?) will be television-vying for the heart of Bachelorette Emily Maynard.

We wish him many roses.

Big news in the world of word and phrase meaning: ‘Freshman Fifteen’ now means dancing around in a knockoff FroGro top, at least according to the 2015 Class Board’s new shirts. YouTube commenter TommyP993 had this to say: “one would think the shirts would cost $15…but no.” We don’t want the t-shirt, because it’s ugly, but we’ll have whatever they’re on.

Another YouTube commenter, CMSmith117, has surrendered to the power of these awful shirts. “I’m not a fan of the design but I’ll probably end up buying a shirt anyway,” he said while forking over the weirdly priced $13. In any case, props to you CB2015! Your videos have been consistently…interesting?

Does Silicon Valley want Wharton or does Wharton want Silicon Valley? Hard to say. But now that Wharton’s West Coast campus is big and pretty and fancy, the two are getting cozy, as Bloomberg reports.

Wharton’s Executive MBA program, for businesspeople who want to learn more business during their weekends, has a branch at the San Francisco campus now, for easy access to America’s technology epicenter. It’s not clear what a stronger West Coast  presence will bring to Wharton, besides better weather.

Van Pelt is redecorating, and it needs your help. Librarians have lined up samples of four chairs, three stools and a table past the main circulation desk, all of which seem to be imported from the Sims. Disregard the colors and fill out a survey card with your thoughts and feelings about the new furniture you’d like to see in VP.

But if you can’t decide, UTB is here to fulfill the press’s role in democracy, to help you separate the chairs from the thrones.

Chair candidacy analysis after the jump!

The Green Fund is a pile of cash set aside for projects that will make The Environment pleased with Penn. Money goes to proposals, submitted by any member of the Penn community, that promote sustainability.

TGF recently announced its Fall 2011 batch of prizes, which includes ozone laundry at Pottruck. Ozone laundry? Haha, does the machine go “bleep bleep bloop” and split ozone to clean clothes? Oh, wait.

The fund’s announcement gleefully notes that the projects have already begun to show return on investment. Just in case you thought that the earth was ripping us off.

The 2012 batch of Penn Fellows has been announced, and the eight winners seem somewhat more professorial than the average professor. The program gives young-ish Penn professors from all the schools the opportunity to form connections around campus and to think deep and hard about universities in general.

Click here to find out if your personal professor-celebrity made the cut!

Since you’re probably sitting at your house becoming a World Wide Web explorer, here’s a video to get you good and jealous. Ex-financial strategist and current photographer Kien Lam, a College Wharton alum who graduated in 2005, backpacked around the world for a year and compiled his pictures into the ultimate “miss u lotz but i’m in egypt” postcard. Enjoy the classical music and Locust Walk action at 3:05.

You’re studying for finals in classes you currently can’t stand but were once optimistic about. So procrastinate by signing up for new and exciting classes to eventually hate and avoid studying for. Assuming you pick your classes based on advertising, here are some well publicized classes from which to choose:

The Doll (GRMN 273 / COML 276)
Which doll? That doll. It is teaching the class.

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