There's also a 30 percent chance you will leave your umbrella in the Quad due to intoxication.

Just in case you haven’t been compulsively checking the weather forecast to find out what this Fling may bring (and why the hell not?), we’ve got you covered.

There’s some good news and some bad news. For now, keep your plans to skip class on Thursday afternoon and sip some punch on your porch. And if you don’t have that on your schedule, you may want to set aside some time, since that’s the best that it’s going to get.

This year, instead of reading (or not reading) some absurd book about the decay of society, the Penn Reading Project gave the Class of 2013 a painting, which we’re sure they looked at for all of 12 seconds before heading to the next frat party.

In order to look like they were teaching the freshmen something, the Reading Project realized they needed to explain what was going on in their painting of choice, “The Gross Clinic.” So they made the video below, which examines the painting and talks about the struggles of artists in Philadelphia.

Perhaps they were on to something, because after watching the “Gross Clinic Bounce”, there are really no words.

We’ve gotten a few texts and tips about the giant bus in front of the bridge and sent UTB photog Melanie Lei to scoop out the scene.

Apparently, the Philadelphia premiere for I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (based on Tucker Max’s best-selling book about excess drinking, debauchery and belligerence) is tonight at The Bridge. The screening, which starts at 7 p.m., is sold out. But if you’re still interested, the movie’s Web site says that there will probably be about 5-10 unused press tickets that will be given away close to show time.

You know, last time he was here, he hooked up with a Penn chick…

Princeton Review has released its annual ranking of the country’s top party schools. And this year, our sort-of-rivals from Penn State top the list. Congrats to the Nittany Lions (and to our friends at Onward State) for this enviable honor. Not shockingly, no Ivies made the list.

Whether you love them or you hate them, writing seminars are at the core of the Penn experience. After churning out endless drafts and descriptive outlines, students often debate whether they got value out of the experience. Many say they’ve learned nothing that they can apply to their future college writing, while others find the skills they’ve learned to be extremely valuable.

That debate is about to get a little more complex. Last week the DP reported that the writing seminars will start to include a research component. Sounds helpful, right? Now we’ll finally be able to apply all of those skills! Well, maybe. It’s intended to “provide a more cohesive, uniform approach across all critical writing courses.” Because those five forms and outlines simply provide too much leeway. Thanks, Writing Program!

Food trucks are a staple of Penn. As upperclassmen move off campus, they realize that a filling meal from a truck is cheaper and more satisfying than the slop they serve at Commons: thus, they ditch the meal plan and go wait in line for some economy-friendly eats.

While we all have our favorite truck, the undisputed king has to be Magic Carpet. The lines to get this vegetarian fare at 34th and Walnut are enormous, and the happy faces of customers as they eat are a testimony to how delicious everything is.

VendrTV agrees. That’s why they did a recent webisode profiling Magic Carpet and owner Dean Varvoutis (yes, the brains behind your Bella Donna). Personally, we’re loving the enthusiasm of the lady in the last testimonial. Kudos, Magic Carpet.

Ferris Bueller grows up.

Tonight, just a short walk across the Walnut Bridge, the Schuylkill River Development Corporation will be showing Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for free. Just head to 25th and Walnut around dusk, then scuttle under the bridge and enjoy comparing Matthew Broderick now to Matthew Broderick then (see right). For more information, check out Philly Fun Guide.

Penn students probably spend more money in one trip to the bookstore than your average sorority girl has ever spent at American Apparel. Every semester, miserable Quakers trek to 36th and Walnut, swearing that this will be the year that they actually keep up with their reading rather than letting that $70 econ book sit and collect dust. And at the end of the semester, that mint condition book fetches us about $5.50.

While UTB relishes any opportunity to use our Bursar accounts, the fact that we have to spend hundreds of dollars on books we’ll rarely use while we’re in the midst of an economic downturn is ridiculous.

That’s why we were glad to hear that Penn Press feels our struggles. Showing how “with it” they are, they’ve started a Facebook contest to give away two free books from their catalog. All you have to do is become a fan of their Facebook page and post the title of the Penn Press book that you most resemble and why on their wall, and you’re entered. (And just in case you’re wondering, if UTB had to choose a book that best embodied us, we’d probably pick this one.)

We’ve heard word that some folks from Crystal Light (you know, the low-calorie fake juice/tea/etc. company?) will be cruising around Philadelphia in colorful convertibles today giving away free bottles of water and Crystal Light. We also have it on good authority that one of their stops is going to be somewhere on Penn’s campus, some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. While we’re not so much about the shameless product promotion (or are we?), they claim that their goal is to challenge people to drink more water by using “refreshing and flavorful Crystal Light,” and we’re all about staying hydrated.

Update: A tipster wrote in tell us that, “At 2pm, the Crystal Light car was parked in front of Auntie Anne’s at 34th and Walnut. 1 free water bottle + 2 sticks of water mix for each person!”  We hope fruity fun was had by all. –UTB Ed.

Confession: for most people, summer at Penn is not all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, you’ve got Summer Street to look forward to every Thursday, and it’s perfect weather for gelato, but July and August are brutal, and the campus feels dead and empty aside from the tourists and prospective students gawking at buildings on the walk.

That’s why most people use the summer as their opportunity to really get out of their element and explore everything that Philadelphia has to offer. And contrary to what most of us would like to think, that offering includes Drexel.

This Saturday, Drexel’s fashion design and design merchandising programs will be holding their annual fashion show at the Philadelphia Naval Yard. Not only is this a great opportunity to see what it is that those people do on the other side of Walnut (we’re picturing Project Runway with keggers), but the Naval Yard is a really cool, industrial place that has a completely different vibe to it than University City.

Our friends over at uwishunu tipped us off to the fashion extravaganza, but they also did us one better by letting us know how we can get to the Naval Yard for free. Philadelphia Trolley Works will be transporting guests from 33rd and Market (on Drexel’s campus) to the Naval Yard and back for both the 4 p.m. show ($25) and the 8 p.m. ($50; followed by a reception).