Remember what we said about the Quakers being in the clear? Well…just kidding. In a scandalous (but FASHIONABLE) plot twist, turns out Penn’s now in a fight with Louis Vuitton. The fashion house’s Director of Civil Enforcement for North America (really though?) is in a haut-couture rage over Penn Law’s take on the logo they’re using for their Fashion Law and Copyright Symposium this month.

Surprise! The fashionistas at Louis V are being dramatic, claiming that the university’s appropriation of their signature is a “dilution” of their trademark, as the Awl reports. Insert lots of snappy legal jargon here.

Though the Department of Health and Human Services has yet to announce a ruling on the case, an inquiry committee of Penn faculty on Friday found no sign of plagiarism in last summer’s Paxil ghostwriting debacle. If you’ll recall, that was the one that made some mean nonpartisan watchdog group call for Amy G to step down from her post as chair of Obama’s Bioethics Committee.

Drs. Evans and Gyulai, the Penn psychology professors accused of research misconduct and plagiarism, were found to have “satisfied all authorship criteria” for the year in which their report was published, as the Inquirer reports. Their accuser, however, was not found to have fulfilled the journal’s requirements for a byline. Sucks to suck. It seems that (for now) the Quakers are in the clear. Now LEAVE AMY ALONE!

Thought Pompeii was the coolest ashy disaster history has to offer? Think again. Penn paleobotanist (That’s a thing? OK.) Hermann Pfefferkorn is making petrified plants sexy again with his new study on a stretch of ash-covered, 298-million-year-old forest in Wuda, China. The “marvelously preserved” site yields remarkable insights into the climate and ecology of the time, says Pfefferkorn, whose last name is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The forest is essentially a frozen snapshot of what life was like way back in the Permian Period. Vintage, so adorable. Wuda Spring Break 2012!

Now that you’ve finished processing all that swanky alliteration, check out Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers: Wharton professors, Harvard Ph.D.’s, and experts in “lovenomics”. In this hefty New York Times spotlight, the pair discuss their unique, econ-centered view on parenting, marriage, divorce, and why they don’t let their two-and-a-half-year-old daughter eat cake. Sounds to us like the toddler’s weight could end up suffering from diminishing returns. Sorry. Had to.

If you’re enamored by the couple’s theories, check out a quick overview here.

In keeping with the tradition of shameless studgov promotional videos, Class Board ’15 dropped their titillating NSOver Again preview on Youtube yesterday. Just…watch it. There’s no way that we were the only ones to cover our mouths in abject horror at the 0:25 mark. It’s abundantly clear that this week-long event will bring the freshman class to its knees, (vigorously) blowing away everyone’s expectations.

But seriously though, props to CB’15 and their courageous leading female. When it comes to viral marketing, y’all most definitely do not suck.

In other “Blonde Women We’re Obsessed With” news (Sorry Amy, you’re not our only one), Elizabeth Banks appeared on The Daily Show last night to promote her new thriller, “Man On A Ledge.” During the interview, Banks gives a shout out to her alma mater to the accompaniment of a half-enthused round of applause. Apparently, her husband (also an alum) once interviewed Jon Stewart there, and subsequently deemed him too short for late-night TV. Just watch.

There’s no better cure for an ugly Tuesday than our one true love, Her Highness Amy G, popping up in the news. Asked about Penn’s responsibilities concerning West Philadelphia, our fearless president states in Zócalo that she’s “worked productively in partnership with our neighbors to strengthen the educational, cultural, and economic fabric of West Philadelphia and the greater Philadelphia region.” Discussing everything from philanthropy to Penn Park, Amy reminds us that our responsibility to Philly, and the world at large, is to continue using our resources to make good. Swoon.