FeaturesMay 11, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Senior Contest: You And Your Shit

Screen Shot 2014-05-11 at 2.26.24 PMFriends, knowledge, a return on your investment–all things you theoretically get out of a Penn education. If there’s one thing you undeniably will take away with you, it’s the thousands upon thousands of random Penn-related clothes, backpacks, mugs and more that you’ve gotten for free/bursared/bought from your sorority/sports team/Class Board…you know what shit we’re talking about.

As Senior Week is almost upon us, UTB is holding a little contest. Seniors: take a picture of you surrounded by all your four-years-of-Penn-related shit, and Instagram it. Hashtag it #PennShit AND tag @underthebutton.  Whoever has the most impressive shit nest/pile will be featured on the blog and receive a $15 gift card to Copa, the senior-est place we could think of. After the jump, read the contest rules/FAQs.

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FeaturesMay 8, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Things That Are Worse Than Finals, Sixth Edition

OptimismIt’s not hard to feel pretty grim during finals season. But sometimes, in the thick of things, all it takes is a little perspective to help you through. See the first five installations of this series here, here, here, here and here, and read on for another ten things that are arguably worse than finals.

1. The parking ticket machine in the entrance to FroGro that’s always like PLEASE PAY HERE BEFORE RETURNING TO YOUR VEHICLE!

2. Your snapchats might not have been disappearing forever.

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FeaturesMay 4, 2014 at 9:32 pm

A Finals-Time Pop Song

Screen Shot 2014-05-04 at 9.31.05 PMThis winter we brought you a poem to soothe your aching, finals-cramming soul. But now it’s spring, and all we wanna do is get up and DANCE! So instead, enjoy this certainly-still-culturally-relevant parody of Katy Perry’s seminal summer (2010) hit California Gurls.

Greetings, stressed ones. Let’s take a journey.

I! know a place
Where the carrels smell like sadness..
Warm, dark and tense—
It’s enough to conjure madness.

Sippin, double shots
Of the caffeine-rich variety
Scrolling, power points
With unfortunate sobriety

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NewsApril 29, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Frozen Ravioli, Frosted Flakes, Flip-Flops…

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Tucked away in the corner of “Gourmet Grocer” under Commons, somewhere between the artisan meats and the remaining matzos, you’ll find the flip-flop section. Not only does the ex-UnCommon Market sell flip flops, they display them, surrounded by other sunny day treats like free-looking sunglasses and Nerf footballs. It’s your one-stop shop for F.I.T.S, and knowing UnCommon, it’s ostensibly gluten free.

NewsApril 18, 2014 at 9:27 am

It’s the Circle of Life, And It Moves Us All

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Yes, you’re right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked “accept” on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Penn MadnessApril 7, 2014 at 12:30 pm

Congratulations To Our Penn 2048 Winners

Screen Shot 2014-04-06 at 12.29.56 AMThey played our version of 2048, and they played it well. Their prize, as we’re sure they expected, is the immortalization of their names on the internet! (We’re a blog; we have no budget.)

Give a rousing round of web-plause to….

Alexander Elias!!!!
Ahmed Mohieldin!!!!
Gautam Narasimhan!!!!
Jenny Lu!!!!

Get these names tattooed on your body! These folks are going places!

NewsApril 6, 2014 at 1:38 pm

There Goes The Neighborhood

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Sometime between Insta-sunset last night and Insta-sunrise this morning, the Tamps were tagged. We can only speculate as to the meaning, which is surely some Illuminati shit– “IRK AFE?” What looks like a poorly-rendered swastika? The number 800? We’re calling in reinforcements. Presumably they’ll catch the perp soon, as our campus is more surveilled than your average high-security prison.

NewsApril 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

Penn Cracks Down On Errant Cyclists

no-bikesYou there, with your sensible shoes and your hiked-up pants. DID YOU THINK that you could so nonchalantly, slickly maneuver that bicycle through the already-congested sidewalks and walkways of our campus? Run those red lights like you own the place?

Think again, hotshot. You are the human mosquito, and according to the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia, you’re gonna get squashed. Penn Police have been handing out actual tickets–those signs aren’t empty threats! Take your two-wheelers to the death trap of Spruce, and get off of our lawn.

Penn MadnessMarch 30, 2014 at 8:17 pm


penn madness bracket

Today has been full of scandal and intrigue. But as sure as the waters of a Philadelphia spring monsoon, all contentious brackets must come to an end. With the aftertaste of FedNuts fried chicken still in our mouths, we move forward with heavy hearts. It’s time to cast your vote for the CHAMPIONSHIP!  We’re on the edge of our seats.

Underground antics go public? Or above-ground snowfall goes Public Safety?

View Results


FeaturesMarch 30, 2014 at 4:45 pm

VP Gems: Volume Two

IMG_3210Our newest feature, VP Gems, looks at the weird and wonderful contents of the Penn Libraries Collection.

The randomly-selected 4th floor stack labelled HC830K36 called to us, so we took solace in its fusty volumes and precise organization. Here’s the best thing we found:

This dope book about web marketing published in 1997, called Web Visions.

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…Given to the university by the Class of 1937, who were in their 80s in 1997, and probably not all that into the “internet.”


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