Yes, you’re right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked “accept” on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA…
They played our version of 2048, and they played it well. Their prize, as we’re sure they expected, is the immortalization of their names on the internet! (We’re a blog; we have no budget.)
Give a rousing round of web-plause to….
Get these names tattooed on your body! These folks are going places!
Sometime between Insta-sunset last night and Insta-sunrise this morning, the Tamps were tagged. We can only speculate as to the meaning, which is surely some Illuminati shit– “IRK AFE?” What looks like a poorly-rendered swastika? The number 800? We’re calling in reinforcements. Presumably they’ll catch the perp soon, as our campus is more surveilled than your average high-security prison.
You there, with your sensible shoes and your hiked-up pants. DID YOU THINK that you could so nonchalantly, slickly maneuver that bicycle through the already-congested sidewalks and walkways of our campus? Run those red lights like you own the place?
Think again, hotshot. You are the human mosquito, and according to the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia, you’re gonna get squashed. Penn Police have been handing out actual tickets–those signs aren’t empty threats! Take your two-wheelers to the death trap of Spruce, and get off of our lawn.
Today has been full of scandal and intrigue. But as sure as the waters of a Philadelphia spring monsoon, all contentious brackets must come to an end. With the aftertaste of FedNuts fried chicken still in our mouths, we move forward with heavy hearts. It’s time to cast your vote for the CHAMPIONSHIP! We’re on the edge of our seats.
Our newest feature, VP Gems, looks at the weird and wonderful contents of the Penn Libraries Collection.
The randomly-selected 4th floor stack labelled HC830K36 called to us, so we took solace in its fusty volumes and precise organization. Here’s the best thing we found:
This dope book about web marketing published in 1997, called Web Visions.
…Given to the university by the Class of 1937, who were in their 80s in 1997, and probably not all that into the “internet.”
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Watch This Instead of Last Week's Scandal
It's the NEC hearing that will determine Penn's political future! The dramz is palpable and the live-stream
How many awkwardly-coiffed, Louis Kahn-lookin’, vest-sportin’ fellas does it take to win one adorable and well-dressed woman’s heart? More than 5, apparently. Not even that classy two-speed was enough to keep her from looking profoundly uncomfortable. This bunch from 1963, cowlicks and all, has us dreaming of warmer climes.
Last Day To Submit Sublet Horror Stories Mice, roaches, dog hair, cat hair, human hair, missed payments, pissed neighbors. Put all those things in an envelope and send to Tips@underthebutton.com by midnight tonight.
Everyone’s favorite honey-voiced misogynist is apparently at CHOP right now, giving some kind of interview. What business does Paula Patton’s Slimy Ex-Husband have at a hospital, you may ask? Maybe he’s going deaf! Maybe he’s going blind! Maybe he’s out of his myyyyy god that’s stuck in my head for the next week now.