Everyone’s favorite honey-voiced misogynist is apparently at CHOP right now, giving some kind of interview. What business does Paula Patton’s Slimy Ex-Husband have at a hospital, you may ask? Maybe he’s going deaf! Maybe he’s going blind! Maybe he’s out of his myyyyy god that’s stuck in my head for the next week now.
We all recently got an email that on May 30th, Blackboard and Penn will officially NO LONGER be in a relationship. To mark the end of an era, we wrote an ode. (As one does.)
O Blackboard, Sweet Blackboard
Thine Purplish tones
Thine failure to function
On cellular phones,
Thine cluttered design,
Those crimson-red tabs,
Course documents, syllabus, blog posts to SABS,
We’ll miss you O Blackboard,
No matter how lame.
Canvas looks a bit cleaner,
But it’s really
not the same.
Penn Delays Operations Until 10 AM Tomorrow
What does that mean for your 9 AM exam? We have no idea but we're rooting for ya. Go snow go!
We’ve all thought it: “What if–instead of swiping into my dorm–I just ran and kept running, full speed, into the sliding glass gates?” We’ve never put it into action, but finally someone has! Sometime in the wee hours last night, an inebriated freshman made sweet, combative love to the Quad gates. They shattered, he was okay. A martyr for the cause.
Introducing our newest feature, VP Gems, in which we see what Penn’s immense library catalog has to offer.
When it comes to love, few humans possess as encyclopedic a knowledge of the stuff as our own brutalist fortress of information, Van Pelt Library. We took to the stacks (read: online catalog) to see what we could find.
Love And Its Vicissitudes (call no. BF175.5.L68 G74 2005): Your SAT word of the day, ‘vicissitudes’ refers to an unwelcome change in circumstances or fortune. This book sounds like a downer.
Love and Nausea (call no. PR6073.I457 L68 1995): Could this refer to our endless love affair with plastic bottle liquors?
Love and Human Remains ( call no. PR9199.3.F7175 U64 2006): This is a play, and judging from that cover image, just may be NSFW.
Love and Lockjaw, a black-face farce, in one scene. (call no. 812 W676La): Listen, we’re cutting to the chase, this is probably incredibly racist. It’s also from 1845. At least it’s short? Read the rest of this entry »
Non-Penn-Previews dining hall food got ya down? Sad, wrinkly peppers harshin’ your mellow? Commons teaches us that a little imagination can go a long way when it comes to food preparation. It’s like Shakespeare says: A pepper by any other name would still smell like tuna.
Before we even get to events, you should be made aware that there are a plethora of things you can do for your sweetheart this week that support some great clubs at Penn.
Whether they’re into sonnets (Underground Shakespeare Company,) photography (Stamped Magazine,) selfless devotion to the elderly (Tzedek Social Justice,) tasty treats (Active Minds) or just a good old-fashioned DP Love Note, Penn’s overachieving student groups have made you look like a schmuck if you were just planning on dinner and a movie.
Onwards, to the events!
Read the rest of this entry »
AWwWWwWWWW yyyEEEEaaAHhh, you and your special fella just got a moment alone. Time to flatten him like a pancake and whisper him some sweet nothings, ’cause Valentine’s Day is coming up and he smells like Old Spice! Except your moment alone is actually in the fishbowl-iest dining establishment on campus, and, is that even a comfortable position?
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If you haven’t been trolling the Ancient Egypt chat rooms on AOL.com, you might not know that Penn Researchers recently uncovered a BRAND NEW (read: very old) sarcophagus from an unknown pharaoh! This is cool for three reasons, in order of coolness:
3. Uncovering unknown Egyptian kings and shedding light on a hidden dynasty!
2. Great excuse to watch The Prince of Egypt drunk then call Beijing and sing DELIVER US!
1. It almost surpasses UTB’s own discovery of an unknown ruler earlier this year.