PennetrationApril 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Pennetration, Edition 8: Wednesday Night

When I came to Penn, I thought of myself as a poster child for anonymous hookups. As a naive freshman, nothing seemed better, but the trouble with having a bunch of one-night stands began at my freshman year sorority bid party. I started making out with a good-looking guy. I was confident with him, kind of bitchy; it was hot. He asked me to guess which frat he was in, but I couldn’t. “You’ll see when we go there,” he said. It wasn’t a suggestion or a question—and I liked that, because it was obvious I was going home with him. He was teasing, being kind of an asshole. Exactly what I wanted. He never even asked my name.

We went back to his house, where we put on some music, drank more, danced around and made out. He finally asked my name when he was saving my number in his phone, but part of the excitement of the hook up—all hook ups, for that matter—was the anonymity, so I didn’t tell him. “Just save it as Wednesday Night,” I tried to say seductively (it was probably just embarrassing). After I spent the night, he never called. I was slightly disappointed, but I took it in stride. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsApril 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

A Risqué Turn Of Events: Liquor Store Denied Porn Shop Space

Seems as though plans for the new University City liquor store at 43rd and Chestnut–  you’ll recall that it’s the one that would replace the porn shop– have fallen through. Unfortunately, the Zoning Board rejected the application, which was the second in five years following an unsuccessful attempt in 2007, as the DP reports. Though some small-business owners welcomed the proposed venture, the West Philadelphia Muslim community protested having a liquor store so close to their mosques.

Looks like you’ll have to keep getting your booze at either 49th and Baltimore or 19th and Chestnut. In any case, this raises a bigger question: what should go in the porn shop’s place?

Inheritor of the porn shop legacy:

View Results

What's HapPENNingApril 11, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Your Handy Dandy Fling Guide

Ah, the last few hours of class have finally wrapped up, which means you’re anxious for Fling to begin! Below, UTB provides you with a breakdown of this weekend’s activities. This is obviously by no means a complete list, but rather a sampling of what Fling has to offer. (In other words, we’re not tryna rain on anyone’s unregistered parade.)

Shall we? Yes, please! >>>>

What's HapPENNingFebruary 27, 2012 at 9:14 am

What’s HapPENNing?

It’s the home stretch before Spring Break, everybody! So there’s probably a good chance you’re trapped under a pile of books and swimming in papers until you can shed the North Faces and sun those nips in the beautiful vacation destination of your choice. Let’s see if you can’t steal away a minute or two to attend some of the awesome events going on this week.

When Humanity Fails: UN General Romeo Dallaire
Who: Moral Voices
When and where: Today, 7:30-9 p.m.; Zellerbach
Why: As commander of the UN’s peacekeeping forces during the genocide in Rwanda, Dallaire’s got a lot to say about his experiences. Check out his talk on the prevention of mass atrocities today on campus! How neat is that?

Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesFebruary 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Some Important Talking Points For The University Council

Tomorrow afternoon is the second monthly University Council meeting of the semester, a forum for discussion and recommendations of issues and policies for the university. If you wanted a chance to speak, submission for questions or proposals were due last last week (womp). Nonetheless, below are some issues we hope attendees have planned to address (or begin maniacally ranting about as they charge the stage, only to be dragged out of the room by the bodyguards we like to pretend Madame President has).

Lower Houston Market prices. Students are actually starting to feel bad about stealing such expensive food, so a reduction to last year’s (only mildly overinflated) prices will put students’ consciences at ease when they shoplift sushi. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsFebruary 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The Skinny On Greekdex

We’re hearing a lot of buzz about the new student-operated website “Greekdex,” so we’ve made it our own personal mission to understand the exclusively Greek online hub. Penn Junior Anthony Diepenbrock IV and Cornellian Charles Moyes III developed the idea so that Greeks could have a new forum by which to communicate with one another, both inside and outside of their own affiliations. On the school-wide discussion panel, dialogue is conducted collectively, as if Greek houses themselves are talking to one another.

The craziest part is that the computer technology behind Greekdex enables the program to determine what fraternity or sorority its users are in with zero prior input. This is advanced, but also a bit invasive, no? Currently, there are approximately 2,000 out of Penn’s 3,300 Greeks listed on the site. Though Diepenbrock won’t disclose his own Greek affiliation, some ideaZ havE TricklEd our way. Readers, Greek and non, we want to hear your thoughts.

NewsFebruary 13, 2012 at 10:29 am

Lights…Camera…Election!

Check out NEC’s latest video encouraging Penn students to run for the UA (if you dare) and the Class Board. It’s what all the cool kids are doing–or, at least, that’s what our favorite blonde did. Watch A-Gut (generic Franklin quote included) swivel uncomfortably in a chair along with other campus celebs like Professor Rebecca Stein, Dean from Magic Carpet and Dean of Admissions Eric Furda. We still don’t want to run for the UA or Class Board, but that’s okay, because someone else will take the initiative.

NewsFebruary 12, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Cop Cars Swarm Woodland Walk

This photo, taken from the 39th block of Baltimore, shows cops reporting  to the scene of an unconfirmed car accident from which one of the parties involved fled on foot, as reported just minutes ago.

BREAKING: Potential Criminal Activity On Woodland Walk– We're hearing unconfirmed reports of a suspicious activity (or a potential car accident) around 38th between Spruce and Baltimore. Cop cars have swarmed the area. Keep checking back as the details come in.   Update [11:15 p.m.: Eyewitness sources have stated that the potential criminal activity, halted only minutes ago, was the result of a car chase and resulting auto accident in which one of the parties fled the scene on foot.    Update [11:39 p.m.]: We've confirmed that three suspects have been arrested for an armed robbery of a South Philly McDonald's.
Love WeekFebruary 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

DJ Your V-Day Hookup To UTB’s Favorite Penn Hits

What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day with that special guy or gal in your life than by bringing a little bit of the Penn community to your February 14th hookup? Depending on what you’re going for in the love department, we’re here to provide you with some of Penn’s top tracks so that you can get right down to business. Please, thank us later.

Fratastic Chill Beats, Cuz You Have a Chill Date: “Frat Life” by Jerome Vivinno. This track has seduction written all over it. Chill seduction, that is. The combo of slow tempo and Vivinno’s  smooth-like-honey vocals is sure to set the mood early.
Read the rest of this entry »