Today, thousands of members of Penn’s most
exclusive class ever will move in to their freshman year rooms across campus. We know it can be a stressful time for new students and their parents alike, so we interviewed two upperclassmen (X and Y) to hear the inside scoop.
UTB: We hear the #quadorbust line so many times from all the freshman. Is the Quad actually the best place to live?
Y: Generally speaking, yes. People here are friendly because its what they’re told they have to do. It’s close to Wawa, parties, and the more interesting parts of campus. Living elsewhere is a major pain in the ass. Extra points given for the fine architecture.
UTB: Oooh, that sounds nice. But what about within the Quad – can you give us some insight into the various houses?
X: There is a clear hierarchy of College Houses in the Quad. Ware comes in at #1, seeming to draw both beautiful people and rowdy socialites. Riepe – quaint and sceney – comes in at a solid #2. Fisher, usually the last choice of those living in the Quad, minus the Nipple, is third, but still lightyears ahead of Hill.
UTB: So, let’s say I got put in Hill. Is my life over?
Y: Basically. You’re going to have to try to make the best of the excruciating heat, poor location, and the smell of burnt meat in this College House. Proximity to the non-Commons Starbucks (and the alleged so-called “sense of community”) is the only real positive here.
UTB: What about King’s Court English House?
Y: I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
X: Federal Donuts.
UTB: Together, can you give us one word to describe each of the freshman houses?
Riepe - NYC
Hill - Schvitzy
Kings Court English - Obscure
Ware - Pretty
Fisher Hassenfeld - Nipple
We’ll leave you with this: appreciate the picturesque, uber-collegiate Quad while it’s socially acceptable to be there on non-Fling occasions. People of the Hill: we hope you’re alive with the Sound of Music. Happy move-in, Penn18!