Today Penn students will begin leaving for warmer / colder / homier climes, and we can’t help but wonder: what will go down while we’re gone? Here’s our best guess:
1. Wawa employees dance wildly to Wawa music
2. VP workers check their own bags
3. Food trucks outside the Quad become a free giveaway buffet potentially culminating with a choreographed dance sequence starring Lyn and the two Le Anhs.
Read the rest of this entry »
Uh, what? It’s March already???
Spring break might be right around the corner but it feels like just yesterday we were fretting over finals and flying home for Thanksgivukkawinterbreak. Yet here we are, halfway to May.
Take a deep breath.
If this semester feels like it’s been going faster than usual, it’s probably because…
- …we’ve had so many snow days that winter break never actually ended.
- …snow days—even snow hours—are still worth hoping for.
- …CVS still has old, half-off Valentine’s day stuff out.
- …we still have to look at our schedule to see what classes we have today.
- …we haven’t been to enough office hours to warrant asking for a rec letter.
- …we’re still wearing our fur-hooded coats, scarves, hats—the works.
- …our parents have verbalized that they’ve seen us too recently.
- …midterms are still a very, very real phenomenon.
- …we’re still doing OCR.
- …the most beach bod prep we’ve done is a walk to the fridge during a House of Cards marathon.
- …we still haven’t made break plans.
- …we’ll be wearing UGGs to the airport.
- …I’m paler than UTB’s page layout.
- …still don’t have my littlest.
- …we’re failing miserably this semester but convincing ourselves it’s okay because it feels like the second week of class.
~Nevertheless, we’re just grateful for a week off to cuddle with our dogs!~
Oozing class, one snore at a time.
Is it just us or is someone sleeping in every public place on campus? It’s midterm season. We’re tired. But the budding socialite in us all knows that we need still need to SABS. Even when we’re taking a study snooze break, our peers are watching.
Here is the OFFICIAL list of the #sceniest places to nap at Penn:
1. The big chairs in Houston
Everybody who’s anybody has napped in one of the big chairs on the right side of Houston Hall. Grab your teriyaki bowl, put a book on your lap so it looks like you were just doing something, and snooze away. Be warned though: everyone you know will walk by and stare. But hey, that’s what being scene-y is about, right?!?
2. 6th floor of Van Pelt
Any old Quaker can nap on the lower floors of Van Pelt; in the chairs in the basement, the cubicles, the East Asia room on the 5th floor. Read the rest of this entry »
After a two year hiatus, UTB After Dark is proud and scandalized to present the grand, salacious return of our notorious anonymous sex diary, Pennetration. Once an infamous weekly feature in 2010, the column made a comeback in 2012. Caught up, underclassmen? Tonight, the ninth edition makes its debut – this time courtesy of a man. Names are changed to protect identity, as they always will be…were you to spill your sauciest anecdotes to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I met “Bernadette” at church, obviously. Cincinnati’s finest indie rock band was playing a show at First Unitarian, and I had neglected to buy a ticket. The show was sold out, but I decided to flex my formidable scalping skills and go anyway.
While casing the line for potential losers whose friends had bailed and left them with extra tickets, I spotted an attractive girl looking lonely and half-heartedly calling out for unwanted tickets. Seizing on this obvious sexual opportunity, I swooped in. My game was in rare form that night—in just a few minutes, I learned that her prominent and illegible forearm tattoos were written in Icelandic, why she was looking for tickets and what her phone number was. Read the rest of this entry »
Our three newest goals in life: (1) take a selfie with Ellen, (2) have a snow day, and (3) take a selfie with Ellen on a snow day.
Now, on to the events!
Today: Penn Debates the Polybian Society
- 6:00-8:00pm @ Class of ’49 Auditorium in Houston Hall
- With topics like “America Should be the World Superpower”, this one is sure to turn up the heat on such a frigid day!
- There’s free Greek Lady, so yeah. Read the rest of this entry »
Look, we get it: everyone has got their “spot” on campus, and some are just better than others. And no, we’re not talkin’ steamiest locales to get it in; we want to know the best places to chow down. Alas, follow along with two of our writers, Charlotte Coran and Myles Wolfe, as we pro/con our first victim, Bridge Café, to determine whether it’s in or out.
CC: First of all, let me just say that it doesn’t get much better than a $4.00 breakfast sandwich made with legitimate eggs. Seriously, that’s a clutch dose of protein.
MW: But you’re ignoring the fact that the lines are way too long. If I wanted to spend so much time for something so mediocre, I’d rather just wait for Lindsay Lohan’s comeback.
CC: Um, watch yourself, Myles. Lohan is untouchable. Read the rest of this entry »
And a 5, 6, 7, 8!
…was probably something Harold “Hal” Prince has shouted a lot in his career. The incredibly successful Broadway director and producer, now 86, got his start at this fine institution in 1948. At Penn, he was a member of Penn Players, managed a campus radio station, and wrote/acted/directed weekly play adaptations. In other words, he took the phrase “I can’t, I have rehearsal” to a whole new level.
He graduated in 3 years because he was ready to GTFO and become the most successful man in musical theatre. But first he went to the army, serving in Germany and hanging out at a club that would become the muse for his first hit musical “Cabaret.” From there, he started working on the Great White Way, directing and producing with the biggest stars of Broadway. Prince has a whopping TWENTY-ONE Tony Awards, earning him the title of most Tony Awards held by one individual and eternal bragging rights to his BFF Sondheim. Basically, he’s had a part in every big musical out there, including Sweeney Todd, West Side Story, Fiddler On The Roof, Company and Phantom of the Opera.
And in the spirit of all successful Penn alums, Prince gave back to his alma matter with a namesake gift! Next time you’re in the Harold Prince Theater in Annenberg, start planning what you will give to the university upon your future financial success. Another dorm? A lady friend to sit in the bench with Ben? The possibilities are endless.
We’ve all heard about the OTHER UPenns. They show up in Google Searches, they muddle our drop-down menus, they cloud our social networks. Who are they (members of the Pennsylvania State System of Higher Ed!) and what makes them tick? We took a cursory glance at their websites for you.
Indiana University of Pennsylvania
Founded in: 1875
Mascot: A Crimson Hawk named Norm. His email is email@example.com, should you want to meet the fellow.
Fun Fact: Kids who party a lot are charmingly known as “rowdies.”
Telling photograph: Here lieth Ryan C. Murphy, a super-senior majoring in Exercise Science. Note the caption. (Photograph via The Hawkeye, the IUP Newspaper.)
Read the rest of this entry »
Continuing in the spirit of this, here’s a kvetchy, Buzzfeedy list of ALL THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DO TODAY (UGH). We probably won’t even make it past the first one. Our life is so hard.
1. Wake the fuck up.
2. Take a shower whilst contemplating my future/existence/the universe in general.
3. Put on deodorant.
4. Check to make sure the deodorant didn’t get on my shirt.
5. Frantically rub deodorant marks to get them off my shirt.
6. Fill up my water bottle.
7. Endure the mind-numbing process that is waiting for your water bottle to fill up with liquid water.
8. Insta that thing from last night while my water bottle fills up.
9. Throw a load of laundry in (and find 75 cents because UCH charges me for laundry in my own house).
10. Proceed to acquire quarters by going to stores and buying things that cost $1.05 and paying with $2 and asking for the change in all quarters.
11. Feel subsequent wrath of cashier.
12. Debate having a bagel or a croissant for breakfast.
13. Get both. Read the rest of this entry »
Midterms, big/little, Apes uptowns, oh my! As we enter another week of cold weather and work, all we can think about is how much we are over it…all of it. But with a whopping 12 moons standing between us and complete inebriation liberation, we might as well make the most of our time before break (read: avoid work at all costs). Here is this week’s lineup of events.
Today: Discussion with Gov. Ed Rendell
Speak yo’ mind about policies to reform immigration laws with Penn Dems and Penn for Immigrants’ Rights!
Tuesday: Penn Government & Politics Association GBM
Calling reds and blues alike! If bringing political leaders to campus or writing for a non-partisan political publication is your thing, join PennGPA!
Wednesday: “Defining the Scope of Sustainability” Panel
Participate in an open forum with leading experts on sustainability! Sure to be some sustainable conversation! (Let that pun slide, it’s Monday)
Read the rest of this entry »