FeaturesJuly 16, 2014 at 2:30 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Mr. Piper Chapman a.k.a. Larry Smith

Not joke day, people. On Wednesdays, we wear orange, and UTB has a PSA: the real-life Larry from “Orange Is The New Black” went to Penn!

As ashamed as we are that we only now made this connection, it’s an honor to hold Piper’s hubby amongst our alumni. The felon-turned-author Piper Kerman, who consults for the flawless 12-time-Emmy-nominated (!) Netflix series based on her memoir, is IRL still married to Larry. And unlike his Bloom counterpart on “OITNB,” Smith is an accomplished journalist and is founder and editor of the online SMITH Magazine.

Smith also created the “Six Word Memoirs” project. His wife’s Twitter bio is hers: “In and out of hot water.” That’s for sure, dandelion.

Piper may have been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened and called Taylor Swift, but now we know she’s a Quaker’s (non-prison) wife!

FeaturesJuly 3, 2014 at 10:00 am

10 Things You SWORE You’d Do This Summer

THINGSYOUSWOREYOU'DDO.JUL3Wake up Quakers, it’s July! Your summer is halfway over–can you believe it? No? Just check that Google Calendar that you haven’t opened since your last final. Go ahead, let yourself gasp in denial, shock, and utter horror.

And when you’re done, read our list of things you swore you’d get done before returning to Penn–but of course haven’t even attempted to address yet.

1. Take a break from drinking. Wait, this was a serious goal? Lol.

2. Go to bed earlier. Being the overly ambitious student you are, you swear you won’t miss a single lecture this fall. You’ve scheduled yourself for daily 9ams, which is toootally doable because you’re, like, driven. Alas, better get in the habit of waking up early now! If you could just…get…out…of…bed…

3. Learn how to drive. The closest you’ve come to obtaining your license is failing the permit test because you were too cocky to read the manual ahead of time. (This may or may not be an Editor’s anecdote.) Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesJune 22, 2014 at 4:58 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Paul R. Ehrlich

220px-Paul_Ehrlich_-_1974Have you ever looked at butterflies and thought: holy sh*t, one day the human race will be destroyed by over-consumption? Do you enjoy really, really overbearing sideburns? Do you know what the word zoology means? If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you’d probably enjoy the work of Penn alum Paul R. Ehrlich.

Dr. Ehrlich graduated in 1953 with a degree in zoology and from there, got right into doing insect stuff. After receiving his PhD under the guidance of a world-renowned bee scholar, he became a professor at Stanford researching butterflies. That probably got pretty boring, so he decided to do the next best thing, and wrote a hugely controversial book about how we are all going to die of malnourishment. Yep. Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesMay 28, 2014 at 3:30 pm

2014: A Belated Sendoff

Can you believe it’s been over a week since our beloved Class of 2014 officially became post grads? Here at UTB, it’s a little hard to fathom…which is why it’s taken us this long to publish a legit congratulatory post. In the time since the seniors bid adieu to the Red and the Blue, they’ve already impressed us with their accomplishments – be that Eurotripping, Netflixing at home, moving to a new city, starting a new job or just publishing a heavily-liked dramatic Facebook status. It’s just the beginning.

John Legend has had a particularly productive nine days since Commencement, with his speech going viral and (more importantly) serenading Kimye with “All of Me.”

But Kardashians be damned, Under the Button wants to take this time to celebrate our graduates, who we already miss too much. Mazel Tov to our contributors Elysse Gorney (HBD!), Lindsey Lansky and Frida Garza and to our inimitable 2013 Editor-in-Chief Jesse Franklin. And a particular UTBeso to Senior Editor Rachel Zurier, a blog heroine since 2012 whose prose (and email responsibility) has enlightened us for two years and 129 posts. Her iconic Finals-Time Poem will live on as she fixes Times Square. We love you, RZ!

To the rest of 2014: we hope you’re loving life as a Penn alum. Come back to visit. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together.

Ben & The Edz

FeaturesMay 22, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Things To Accomplish Before Summer Ends

turtle beachAh, summertime: a glorious three months sans Ivy Fatigue that many of us choose to fill with classes and internships anyway. Be yourself! Live a little! are just two of the things on UTB’s li’l checklist to help you make the most of summer. Third? Take a sec to admire this corgi’s patience ↗

Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing this summer, here’s the rest of that list:

❏ Finish the episodes of ‘Game of Thrones’ you didn’t get through during reading days
❏ Father’s Day is June 15th. Do something with that information.
❏ Former freshmen: lose the 15
❏ Penn ’15: get vaccinated for senioritis Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesMay 21, 2014 at 8:17 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Elisha Kane

Elisha KaneGraduation is a time that reminds us all to think about what we want to accomplish in our lives. Too bad we’ll never out do Elisha Kane, who accomplished a shit ton of stuff despite having a name that probably got him beat up in the playground as a child. 

During his time here, he contracted rheumatic fever, which inspired him to graduate Penn’s med school in 1842—and also made him an immunological badass for surviving the sickness.

Post-graduation, he joined the Navy (read: have a totally amazing study abroad). If Kane were alive today, he’d start his study abroad stories with “Remember that time I negotiated a peace treaty with China” or “OMG do you remember when we were scaling that volcano in the Philippines but I so had to pee and…”

But after becoming ill again (and surviving again), he was sent by the US government for a dangerous Mexican-American War mission. As if he wasn’t already badass enough, he was able to survive a lance wound, and complete the task. Such a modern day Tom Cruise.

During an 1855 Arctic expedition on the USS Advance, EK wrote what would become his famous novel, Arctic Explorations. The book was used as both an informational guide and as a really good title for a porno that takes place in an igloo.

He fit all his heroics into a mere 37 years, and his funeral was the largest ever in America—until Lincoln’s a couple of years later. We thank Kane for his bravery, insight into the Arctic, and the ability to make anyone feel bad for not accomplishing anything in their lives. Hats off to you, you overachieving Penn alum.

FeaturesMay 11, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Senior Contest: You And Your Shit

Screen Shot 2014-05-11 at 2.26.24 PMFriends, knowledge, a return on your investment–all things you theoretically get out of a Penn education. If there’s one thing you undeniably will take away with you, it’s the thousands upon thousands of random Penn-related clothes, backpacks, mugs and more that you’ve gotten for free/bursared/bought from your sorority/sports team/Class Board…you know what shit we’re talking about.

As Senior Week is almost upon us, UTB is holding a little contest. Seniors: take a picture of you surrounded by all your four-years-of-Penn-related shit, and Instagram it. Hashtag it #PennShit AND tag @underthebutton.  Whoever has the most impressive shit nest/pile will be featured on the blog and receive a $15 gift card to Copa, the senior-est place we could think of. After the jump, read the contest rules/FAQs.

Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesMay 9, 2014 at 10:15 am

UTB Presents: A Finals Soundtrack

1396332_origWe know you’re tired, most likely smelly, and have lost track of how many red bulls you’ve funneled into your body. There are lots of feels and you think you might explode… into SONG. Sometimes the right jam can make even the worst situation slightly more tolerable. UTB has the perfect playlist for everything you are bound 2 experience this week. Let’s take a musical journey.

9am: Waking Up on the Right Side of the Bed

Perfect Day by Hoku - This 2001 iconic feel-good will make you leap out of bed and tackle the day just like Elle.

11am: Settling Down To Study

Countdown by Beyonce – The exam is in 22 hours, which is a whole lot of hours. Waste one of them making a schedule for yourself intricately planning out everything you need to accomplish before then… and then don’t stick to it.

2pm: Procrastinating

Evolution Of Music by Pentatonix – Wow, there are so many songs! It’s always important to learn about cultural things. Better start now. Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesMay 8, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Things That Are Worse Than Finals, Sixth Edition

OptimismIt’s not hard to feel pretty grim during finals season. But sometimes, in the thick of things, all it takes is a little perspective to help you through. See the first five installations of this series here, here, here, here and here, and read on for another ten things that are arguably worse than finals.

1. The parking ticket machine in the entrance to FroGro that’s always like PLEASE PAY HERE BEFORE RETURNING TO YOUR VEHICLE!

2. Your snapchats might not have been disappearing forever.

Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesMay 8, 2014 at 2:29 am

UTB’s End Of Year Overheard Roundup

what that u sayHello and thank you for choosing this post as your procrastination destination today. Since 34th Street is out on hiatus/taking a rest till next semest, UTB, like a good sister site, has put together a list of verbalizations overheard on and around campus recently. Enjoy.

Warning: people are awful.

Frat guy buying a drink at Starbucks: I’m such a white girl.
Second frat guy: Well it’s better than being a black girl.

Resumaybe: I creeped on the LinkedIn of the guy I hooked up with on Tinder…

AXO Formal: I love Jane Austen. ‘Clueless’ is amazing.

In an OkCupid message to a Jewish female: I’m not interested in a date but would like to discuss gentrification with you.

Capo Customer: Yeah, like, this weird guy I don’t know liked all my photos on Facebook…So then I was creeping and, like, he’s in a wheelchair so he must be socially awkward.

Girl 1: I don’t think monogamy is for you.
Girl 2: …but it is…

Radian racist: She’s really Asian looking though. Her eyes are slitty as fuck. [Her name] is really attractive, but she’s black.