On November 19th, we take the time reflect on the precious moments we have in the presence of the goddess in the fiery red pantsuit. Sadly, these snippets of conversation are all too fleeting; we just never get to have the conversation we really
need want. Here’s what she would say if our wildest dreams came true. We would begin the list with “I Love You,” but we don’t want to be creepy. (All starred items are accompanied by a wink.)
1) It’s your time to shine.
2) Jennifer Lawrence is my daughter.
3) The Spirit of Compromise is all about give and take.*
4) I was the first person Raven came out to.
5) Got a professor that needs firing?
6) Could I get a picture with you? I’ve been wanting one since you arrived.
7) Go on, feel my hair.*
8) Let’s Make History tonight.*
9) All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy.
10) You have an interview? Feel free to go through my closet.
11) I looked just like you at your age.
12) What do you want your GPA to be?
13) Your tuition is related to my annual Sephora budget. Luckily I don’t wrinkle.*
14) Just endorsed you on LinkedIn.
15) You’re telling me OMG doesn’t stand for Oh My Gutmann?
16) Add me on Snapchat. It’s @queenG.
17) I’m the Fling headliner this year.
18) Be my +1 for my birthday party?
19) I’m a Samantha.*
In light of someone’s big 6-4, we’d like to take you back to a feature that we so vehemently miss. Did you know Amy Gutmann loves dogs? Capogiro? Basketball? Probably not, considering we’ve not been keeping you up-to-date on our President’s most trivial affairs.
We bet you can count on less than 3 hands how many times you’ve seen our president around campus (excluding Amy-specific events and Capogiro). We need your eyes and ears, but most importantly your smartphone cameras, to be on the lookout for Amy G. so we can bring back Chasing Amy, a feature that sheds light into the life of a likely life-ful woman.
Tomorrow is a big day for us and the Penn Community as a whole– Queen President Amy Gutmann turns the big 6-4. To celebrate Amy’s successful year, Penn’s decided to party in style. UTB got a special look at the super-exclusive-sceney invite sent out by the Trustees. We hope to see you there but we probably won’t. It’s that exclusive.
Students in Crim 100 were surprised when they saw a familiar face posting all over CollegiateACB during class. The queen herself was spotted ranking top-tier frats and contemplating how bro-she-could-go. We thank our favorite Gossip Girl for bringing a new level of shameless to the shit kids do in class. xoxo
Yet another leadership position has been awarded to Madame President, and as usual, we’re kvelling. The blonde bombshell was recently elected as vice chair of the Association of American Universities, which you KNOW leads into a glorious term as chair. So she’ll kind of be the president of presidents, allowing her to discuss issues close to home on a national platform. Sigh.
A-Gut is also Obama’s chair of the Presidential Commission for the Study of Bioethical Issues, so between these jobs and keeping up glamorous appearances on Locust, it’s safe to say that, as always, Amy G is (time to) shining. Mazel tov, boo!
While even a casual run-in with Amy on Locust can make us swoon, recent Facebook pics and statuses reporting A-Gutt sightings in Hong Kong have got us green with envy. Starstruck Penn students have been bumping into our dear old Prez abroad, and we want to know
what color suit she was wearing why.
According to this Penn News article, Amy G traveled to Asia earlier this month to host an alumni event aimed at improving relationships between the University and its international graduates. She also announced plans to open a Penn Wharton China Center in Beijing to connect local entrepreneurs and Penn alumni. So basically, Wharton does run the world.
However, Madame Prez’s trip does stir the pot a little, given the controversial comments regarding China that Joe Biden made at Penn’s commencement ceremony. In fact, a group of Chinese grads were so outraged that they drafted a petition to get Biden to apologize for his remarks.
Despite the tension that may accompany A-Gutt’s trip, we wish her nothing but safe travels. We bet she even wears an eye mask when she sleeps on planes. She’s classy like that.
Celebrities: they’re just like us. When she’s not busy ruling the world/being fabulous/rubbing elbows with the equally fabulous, Amy Gutmann takes time to hang with mere muggles! Pictured here is A-Gutt taking her three adorable dogs for a walk down Locust this past weekend. Sporting a bright, white coat and some kickin’ running shoes, Amy proves that it is possible to look totally chic carrying a Pooper-Scooper.
Want to be among the first to change your prof pic to include Amy G this holiday season? Come to Hillel at 5PM TONIGHT to light candles with the President herself.
It’s no secret
santa that she does this every year (no, we didn’t Photoshop the pic to the right), but this year’s event includes the–gasp!–Shabbatones and raffle (drawn by, you guessed it, Madame) for Matisyahu’s Philly concert on Wednesday night.
For a double shot of non-denominational holiday fun, walk four feet down the block to her sometimes house, where the annual party will feature enough desserts to give you a sugar high that’ll last you through Final’s Week.
Consider this your formal and hand-delivered invitation to Amy Gutmann’s annual holiday study break this Monday. Dress in nines (or your library chicest) and stop by dear old Amy’s house for what she deems “a well-deserved” break. She obviously doesn’t know we’ve spent Reading Days so far reading this and trying to beat this.