What's HapPENNingApril 28, 2014 at 9:07 am

What’s NOT HapPENNing?

Here at UTB, it’s our pleasure to round up the weekly goings on at Penn every week for your overscheduled convenience. Many weeks, there’s so much hapPENNing that you might wonder, “What’s NOT happening?” Well, this reading days and formal-filled half class week before finals, we’re proud to present events that are distinctly NOT occurring:

Monday, 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.: You Going To Class
Lol, not gonna happen. Too early. No motivation. Senioritis/Junioritis/End Of Semesteritis.

Tuesday, 12 to 11 p.m.: You Getting A Formal Date
You spend all day desperately texting to find a potentially bangable gent or gal to link arms with at the ball…to no avail. Of COURSE, even your platonic BFF’s event is the same night. Give up and decide to make Franzia your plus one.

Wednesday, 9 p.m. to 2 a.m.: You Maintaining Dignity At Formal
Ohhhh no, you’re blackout partway through the BYO…again. And you don’t even know anyone here besides your date. Oh well. Only God can judge ya. …Whatever.

Thursday, 2 to 8 p.m.: You Getting Any Work Done
Nope. Too hungover from formal. Shut it down, you’re getting an A in NTFLX 001. Or, if you’re a junior, you’re blackout again.

Friday, 7:30 to 10 p.m.: Student Performances
We mean, there might be some, but for the first time in recent memory, this weekend is not chock full of flyering performing arts groups clogging your feeds with self promotion and group rates. Aca-believe it.

Saturday, 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.: You Staying In
“Yes, mom, I’ll focus on my studies and spend tonight in the library.” Alas, your Rosenparty drops the Rosen and you’re taking as many shots as pages you have left to write in that paper (read: too many).

What's HapPENNingApril 21, 2014 at 9:33 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningCould it be? Could this really be the last full week of classes? As you emerge from whatever haze you’re in this morning, whether the result of too many bongs, bunnies, or bubbes, get ready to fill up your Google Calendar as we all try to take advantage of these last few fleeting weeks of the semester. But bear with us, because there’s a lot of shit going on.

Monday: 11th Annual ABCS Summit
Do you do any volunteering? Well you should. Because you’re a bad person if you don’t. Unlike the people who will be speaking at this event about Academically Based Community Service.

Also on Monday: Penn Dems Speaker: Congressman Chaka Fattah
Only until recently did UTB realize that Chaka Fattah is not, in fact, the singer of “I’m Every Woman.” (That would be Chaka Khan).

Also ALSO on Monday: An Evening with Rajiv Surendra (Kevin G. from Mean Girls!)
Someone is definitely going to ask him to do the rap and it’s going to be really uncomfortable. That said, someone please ask him to do the rap and make it really uncomfortable. Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingApril 14, 2014 at 11:12 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningAhh, the sweet smells of Spring and sobriety.

This week has a ton of events that will serve as the perfect cure to your hangovers and matzah-induced stomach-aches.

Ongoing: Spring Green Week: Blind taste tests of organic food, clothing swaps in the Quad, and Quizzo — all with an environmental twist.


PASSOVER!!! Make your grandmother happy and go to the 30 minute seder. Also, I^ am hosting a seder at my house. Shoot me a message if you want to come.


If you haven’t yet overdose on SPEC, join them for an advanced screening of some movie with a topless Zac Efron: “Neighbors” @ 7:30pm @ the Rave


Wharton grad-turned VC dude-turned PA’s maybe future governor: Rob McCord @ 7pm @ JMHH265


Do you like Rabbits? Do you like Holes? Go see Rabbit Hole, presented by the Front Row Theater Company: @ 7:30pm @ Class of ’49 (Houston Hall)


Sororities + Sumo = Alzheimers? We’re confused, too, but it seems like Sammy’s philanthropy event will be a blast! @ 2pm @ 40th and Locust

This week’s award for best event cover photo goes to Onda Latina, performing “The Syndicate.” @ 6pm @ Iron Gate Theater

Off the Beat swears they’ll perform Jason Mraz, and we swear we won’t miss it! @ 6:30pm @ Harrison Auditorium (Penn Museum)

Kudos to EXCELANO for accepting Venmo payments for their show this semester! @ 8pm @ Dunlop (for details on where this place is, check out the event here)

What's HapPENNingApril 7, 2014 at 11:39 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningHELLO, FLING WEEK. It’s the calm before the shitstorm of beer and bad decisions that will descend upon us in 72 hours, or 48 for fun people. Unfortunately, a few things still have to happen before you can find your peacelovenfling. But this is Penn! The only thing we like more than BYOing is finding events to inappropriately BYO. So happy flasking:

Today, 2-5pm: College Palooza
Head over to Houston for some trifold poster board presentations, FUN instagram contests, and liquid nitrogen ice cream. What happens if you mix liquid nitrogen and alc?

Today, 6:30-7:30pm: AEI Presents “What You Need to Know About the Economy You Will Be Entering”
Concerned that you’re not worrying about your future quite enough? Head to 4th floor College Hall. Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingMarch 31, 2014 at 6:17 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningHello, friend. We hope you had a restful weekend because as you might be able to tell from the size of the list below, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING THIS WEEK. Seriously, so much:

Ongoing: Festival Latino 2014
Muchos eventos. Speakers and workshops and banquets galoré.

Ongoing: Mental Wellness Week
Check out some of these events—including Take Back the Night on Thursday—to help raise mental health awareness.

Tuesday: Discovering the Fragrance Industry with Macy’s
Check out this olfactory opportunity to learn about the design, marketing, and launch of fragrances. Part of Penn Fashion Week!

Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingMarch 24, 2014 at 9:34 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningCongrats! You made it through the first week after spring break! Only five more to go ’til you’re hOmE fReE. But until then, here’s what going on in your neck of the woods.

Ongoing: QPenn 2014 – Qtopia
Tons of events going on throughout the week, notably an address by Larverne Cox and the annual Pride Games. Qit qwill qbe qtons qof qfun.

Ongoing: Israel Week
Israel week is real this week so keep it real and do what ya feel, ya feel me?

Ongoing: International Week
Because just Israel isn’t enough. The whole world wants to be included. Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingMarch 17, 2014 at 10:30 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningWe’re sorry. We’re sorry that break is over; we’re sorry that there’s a 70% chance of snow today; we’re sorry that tomorrow you have an exam you haven’t yet started studying for. Let the following list of events be our peace offering, and remember that better days are ahead of us.

Monday: NCAA Women’s Basketball Selection Show
Penn does sports! Let’s show the rest of the league we have it in us to be legitimate fans.

Wednesday: PennSEM Presents: The Third Annual Social Impact Talks
Get back into the swing of things by feigning interest in discussions about such topics as energy and entrepreneurship with Penn professors.

Also on Wednesday: IMPACT Magazine: Issue 2 Release Party
Another event with the word “impact” in it taking place on the same day? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?! Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingMarch 3, 2014 at 11:23 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningOur three newest goals in life: (1) take a selfie with Ellen, (2) have a snow day, and (3) take a selfie with Ellen on a snow day.

Now, on to the events!

Today: Penn Debates the Polybian Society

  • 6:00-8:00pm @ Class of ’49 Auditorium in Houston Hall
  • With topics like “America Should be the World Superpower”, this one is sure to turn up the heat on such a frigid day! 
  • There’s free Greek Lady, so yeah. Read the rest of this entry »
What's HapPENNingFebruary 24, 2014 at 9:17 am

What’s HapPENNing?

812710193efe351900d6e1c9af5a159dMidterms, big/little, Apes uptowns, oh my! As we enter another week of cold weather and work, all we can think about is how much we are over it…all of it. But with a whopping 12 moons standing between us and complete inebriation liberation, we might as well make the most of our time before break (read: avoid work at all costs). Here is this week’s lineup of events.

Today: Discussion with Gov. Ed Rendell

Speak yo’ mind about policies to reform immigration laws with Penn Dems and Penn for Immigrants’ Rights!

Tuesday: Penn Government & Politics Association GBM

Calling reds and blues alike! If bringing political leaders to campus or writing for a non-partisan political publication is your thing, join PennGPA!

Wednesday: “Defining the Scope of Sustainability” Panel

Participate in an open forum with leading experts on sustainability! Sure to be some sustainable conversation! (Let that pun slide, it’s Monday)

Read the rest of this entry »

What's HapPENNingFebruary 17, 2014 at 9:30 am

What’s HapPENNing?

812710193efe351900d6e1c9af5a159dWelcome back to a week filled with slightly warmer temperatures. Can someone say 50 degrees on Friday?!* Here’s a roundup of this week’s events to get you out of your dorms and into the quasi sunshine.

*iPhone Weather App Used As Source

Congressional Candidate Val Arkoosh

Who? Penn Dems
Where? Huntsman 365
When? Monday, 8:30 p.m.
What? Former Penn professor speaks about ditching her PennCard and running for Congress.

Free For All: Mitral Transmission

Who? ICA
Where? ICA
When? Wednesday, 6:30 p.m.
What? We’re not sure, but this–”take home a print made on plantable paper, enjoy festive wintry snacks, and hear the music of your own body”–sounds awesome.

A Taste Of Life

Who? Penn’s Microenterprise Venture
Where? TBA
When? Thursday, 6 to 8 p.m., 5:30 p.m. early bird ticket
What? ALL FOOD COMES TO PENN. Restaurant Week on campus. Read the rest of this entry »