Yesterday, anonymous frat pledges suited up in their best Mario Kart garb and raced down Locust Walk in what appear to be Fresh Grocer shopping carts. Luigi was nowhere to be seen (sources close to the racers cited a sibling squabble), but apparently Yoshi had a medical problem because he was spotted with really, really long tongue. No word yet on who came in first — but the real winner here is the expert photographer who snapped this shot. Wanna work for us, bb?
Everyone’s favorite honey-voiced misogynist is apparently at CHOP right now, giving some kind of interview. What business does Paula Patton’s Slimy Ex-Husband have at a hospital, you may ask? Maybe he’s going deaf! Maybe he’s going blind! Maybe he’s out of his myyyyy god that’s stuck in my head for the next week now.
Now on Penn’s campus, Crunchbutton is a website and iPhone app (originally designed by Yale students) that allows people to order popular dishes online from local restaurants that don’t usually deliver. Imagine: Wawa, Sweetgreen, and/or Chipotle in your mouth with a click of a button–finally your wildest dreams have come true!
This happiness does come at a rather steep price: a medium side of mac and cheese from WaWa will set you back almost $8 with the automatic tip added. Additionally, the site’s hours of operation seem to be a little off (restaurants randomly “close” during the day), and we were confused by the picture of the sports car with the caption ”Be a Delivery Biker!” on the homepage. But despite all this, we are still ecstatic to finally have a start-up we can get on board with and we can’t wait until that burrito bowl is cradled safely in our immobile arms.
It is HEATING UP in this piece. The Meagles are a cold people, but “Parks & Recreation” icon Retta is coming to Penn as SPEC Connaissance’s spring speaker on March 24. She may technically have a last name, but we will not report it, as the queen deservedly appears on “Parks” without one – and was just upgraded to the opening sequence after Rashida and Rob left!
Retta, a Duke alum and onetime chemist, plays Donna Meagle, the most underrated gem of modern television comedies and this post’s author’s favorite human being/Twitter nemesis. (Retta is also notorious for her TV live tweets, and you know UTB will do the same with her appearance in Harrison Auditorium.) Last year, SPEC hosted SNL’s Jason Sudeikis, so we approve of keeping it in the NBC fam...time after time.
Unless you’re a freshman, you’ve realized that sublet season is the Regina George of your summer plans (the bitch that
stole Aaron Samuels ruins EVERYTHING). Finding a room or a subletter can be tough…like speaking up when the Houston salad gal skimps you on candied walnuts tough. And you want your room to be clean? Forgetaboutit.
We want to hear your WORST sublet stories. Whether you were the victim or the perpetrator, we won’t judge, just send them to firstname.lastname@example.org and check back to see the worst ones after break. Who knows, the story could be, and probably is, about you!
In the meantime, use the DP’s new and improved PennLets to unsketchify your summer 2014 subletting.
You may have heard smatterings of gossip this weekend: Penn Band seniors got engaged at Saturday night’s basketball game. As campus collectively gasped in shock, compassion and jealousy, UTB went to work to put the rumors to bed. And…SHE SAID YES! We’ve got the video of a 2012 alum and former Penn Band member asking young Susie to marry him during the game, which we of course lost.
The groom-to-be, we have discovered through investigative journalism, rocks a third nipple, hence his nickname “Pips” (Penn + Nips, brilliant). As for the bride, though she wore a band shirt, Susie doesn’t even go here – but she met Pips while LARPing (really). Congrats, you two!
We don’t know who built PennShows, but we kind of like it. It’s a super easy-to-use website that aggregates all the performing arts shows that are happening on any given days and lets you search for them. Just type in the date, and you can find out exactly what acapella/hip-hop dance/hilarious leading ladies/Jewish groups are playing when. The only thing we’re not cool with is the website’s use of puns, because they’re a little too similar to ours. Sleep with one eye open, techies.
We all recently got an email that on May 30th, Blackboard and Penn will officially NO LONGER be in a relationship. To mark the end of an era, we wrote an ode. (As one does.)
O Blackboard, Sweet Blackboard
Thine Purplish tones
Thine failure to function
On cellular phones,
Thine cluttered design,
Those crimson-red tabs,
Course documents, syllabus, blog posts to SABS,
We’ll miss you O Blackboard,
No matter how lame.
Canvas looks a bit cleaner,
But it’s really
not the same.
And the Mazel of the week (might become a thing) is going to Hillel’s cook, Troy Harris. Harris and his co-worker, Kareem Wallace, have already fought for better working conditions in the dining halls and have now turned their attentions to opening their own kosher vegetarian food truck called “Grassroots.” We can hear the squeals from sorority girls everywhere…
The truck’s profits will help fund a youth mentoring program called “A Few Good Men,” which aims to teach youth in Philadelphia the value of hard work. They also intend to employ at-risk young adults from their community. Troy and Kareem need all of our help to make this dream a reality. Click here to receive your daily dose of inspiration and help them reach their goal of $70,000.
Yale Drama School may have the flawless Best Supporting Actress winner Lupita Nyong’o as an alumna, but Penn has cause for celebration this post-Oscar Monday. (Maybe not as much cause as Lupita’s brother, though, who got in on the ultimate selfie of all time.)
A big congratulations to Morgan Neville (C’89), director and producer of “20 Feet From Stardom,” the hit film about backup singers that won an Academy Award last night for Best Documentary! His speech was perhaps overshadowed by the legendary Darlene Love, a subject of the movie, slaying an impromptu musical performance, complete with standing-O – but as you can see above, Neville couldn’t be happier. (This went down before John Travolta slayed the iconic Idina Menzel’s name, in a bad way.) Mazel tov, Morg – you join the ranks of our Tony, Emmy and Grammy-winning alumni.