NewsApril 18, 2014 at 4:45 pm

New Guys Coming To Penn

1662183_863346290360579_2455076474289193282_nWho’s that girl…. it’s SPEC!

In an out-of-the-blue Facebook post, SPEC Film announced that the celebrity train hasn’t yet pulled away from Penn Station. They encouraged us to “keep our eyes and ears open” for Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans, Jr. from Fox’s hit TV show New Girl, who are coming to Houston Hall on Tuesday at 5:30pm to promote their new movie “Let’s Be Cops.” Judging by the trailer, it looks like Nick and Coach are going on a super fun and super illegal adventure.

Head down to Houston to meet them and possibly play a game of True American. Maybe Jake will even be giving his famous Nick Miller Lap Dances. The possibilities are endless. The real question is why isn’t Schmitt gracing us with his presence on the last day of Passover??

NewsApril 18, 2014 at 9:27 am

It’s the Circle of Life, And It Moves Us All

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Yes, you’re right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked “accept” on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA

NewsApril 16, 2014 at 4:12 pm

NYT Declares Penn Super Relevant

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Who needs to be first place in academics or athletics when you can be first place in popularity? A recent article in the New York Times reported that the number of applications to Penn this year rose by 14.4%, the highest of all Ivies. Apps to Dartmouth decreased the most, by 14.2%. While Dean Furda attributes this newfound popularity to greater outreach efforts, we can’t help but think it’s because of the Qdoba on campus. At least this increase in apps explains the unwelcome hordes of naive tour groups invading campus every day.

NewsApril 15, 2014 at 4:52 pm

Tax Day Discounts Are A Thing

It’s raining because the nation is crying that we needa pay The Man. Or your mom does. Or accountant. Even if you’re too ignorant to know it’s Tax Day, certain campus eateries are giving deals to all for this fateful financial occasion. And by eateries, we mean the above Boston Market two meal deal. And for those turned off by the strip club on Chestnut, get over it…or go for McDirty’s Big Macs, which are buy one, get one for 15 cents. There may be more out there. Sounds like it’s time to…make it rain!

NewsApril 15, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Penn Law Somehow Nominated For Webby

Webby LogoFor the second year in a row, Penn Law’s website has been nominated for a Webby, the “Internet’s highest honor” (which is a real life thing). A Webby is apparently the “leading international award honoring excellence on the Internet” and not what we imagine fans of Charlotte’s Web call themselves.  Last year, Penn Law won the People’s Voice Webby Award in the Law category so basically they are killing it. Even we have to admit, the site it pretty. Look at the colors, the scrolling columns, and the tabs- so many tabs! No wonder why they are the ONLY law school nominated in the Law Category. Penn Law, keep doing you, and if you want to support, vote here.

NewsApril 14, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Wharton Senior Named Second Most Inspiring Latina Under 25

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At Penn, we live in a diverse community with all sorts of people–people from the Upper East Side, people from the Upper West Side, people from as far as Brooklyn…In all seriousness, though, we go to school with people from all over the world and with a huge range of experiences–including living as an undocumented American.

Wharton senior Tania Chairez was just named the second most inspiring Latina under 25 for her work in coming out and representing undocumented Americans. Chairez was arrested in 2012, but is still fighting for the rights of people like her today. UTB would like to recognize and applaud Chairez for this incredible achievement. Seriously, your citation over Fling weekend has nothing on this. We’d also like to note that Chairez was a full four spots above Selena Gomez–which we’ll just let speak for itself.

NewsApril 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

Desperate Professors – Episode 1: Oceanography

On April 1st, students in Oceanography 130 got an interesting email. Due to low attendance in the class, the Professor stated that she would start rewarding those who showed up to lecture by giving out prizes. You know, because nothing gets the fire burning like a 1 in 200 chance of a Starbucks gift card!Screen Shot 2014-04-10 at 12.08.20 AM Read the rest of this entry »

NewsApril 14, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Adorable Old Man Writes About Adorable Penn Quidditch Team Being Adorable

The Penn Quidditch team exists, and they played in a Quidditch Cup tournament in Clark Park on the Saturday before Fling. That Sunday, a West Philadelphian named Clark DeLeon, who moved to the neighborhood in 1985, wrote a love letter to the teams and the sport for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Shit is literally beautiful: he describes the Nimbus 2500 as “the Air Jordans of quidditch sweepware.” Um, I’m sorry, this man needs an A in my Creative Writing class, stat. Clark, you keep doing what you’re doing, you wonderful resident wordsmith. You are the magic.

NewsApril 10, 2014 at 4:52 pm

UTB’s Hourly Guide to Fling

Amidst all the rumors and outrage, Fling and actual spring weather have finally arrived! UTB is putting aside our “Free Fling” protest signs to give you an extensive guide for this weekend. Here’s how to push through 4 p.m. hangovers, Bouncy castle-induced nausea, and narc paranoia to live Fling to the fullest.


10 am: Awaken and seize the Fling. Head to a discrete location to pregame. If you’re a freshman and can’t get to your friends in other parts of the Quad, pregame via Facetime so it feels (a little) less sad.

12–6 pm: Fling around town. We recommend these events:

Lower Quad – Bloomers Band @ 1:00, Dischord @ 4:30
Upper Quad – Penny Loafers @ 2:40, Penn Hype @ 5:10, Fried Oreos @ every hour.

But realistically, you’re just gonna follow your fully flung heart/mind/stomach anyway. More semi-scheduled debauchery after the jump!

NewsApril 10, 2014 at 1:16 pm

Senior Societies 2014, Part II

In case you were wondering who the crème de la crème of Wharton and Nursing are, behold the Lantern and Nightingales societies.

Maybe they’re born with it, or maybe their best friends tapped them. Either way, you’re amongst the elite now, cherubs. Make it work.

Another round of applause for the newbies, you’re on the edge of glory.

Read the rest of this entry »