This wedding procession was spotted traipsing down a hopefully squirrel-free Locust yesterday afternoon, drawing a collective “Awwww” from all 13 people currently on campus. Luckily, wedding season doesn’t overlap much with every-performance-group-ever-having-a-show week at Penn, otherwise this couple might not have had such a harassment-free procession. While we don’t know where this party ended up, we can only hope that the newlyweds used the Button as a chuppah on their blissful day. Congratulations!
Way before when you decided to be a Consumer Psych minor because you could, like, totally put Wharton on your resume, you had never set foot in Huntsman. Now there’s one more reason to stay far, far away: JMHH staff will take your stuff if you leave it unattended in the study lounge. Watch out! We’d love to say we’ll go back to VP, but a tipster tells us that Mark’s Café is shut down due to a cockroach infestation. Stay tuned for details.
Hey Day isn’t just about blacking out/weeping uncontrollably at the thought of moving back in with your parents in a year. For some lucky men and women, it’s the perfect opportunity to show how much better they are than everyone else—by being awarded intricately carved pieces of wood. Who needs a LinkedIn profile when you have a literally massive bowl to carry around? Look at how enamored everyone is; it’s a WASP fairytale.
As you know (or don’t, if you automatically delete Penn Athletics emails), the 120th annual Penn Relays are this weekend (schedule here)! Wikipedia assures us that it’s the oldest, largest track and field competition in the country and apparently it draws crowds of over 50,000 people each year. Be on the lookout for intercollegiate hotties warming up by bolting down Locust allllll weekend.
However, if you were allergic to gym class in high school and are ignorant about the world-famous relays, check this sexy crest, originally from 1925, which offers a saucy preview that may tempt you to attend the going-ons this weekend. Naked men, mysterious herbs, and holding hands with B-Frank are all things that definitely have the potential to improve most
sporting events in general – and combined they may even be worth that walk all the way to Franklin Field.
Not really. It was probably a Bunsen Burner mishap, so don’t hold your breath for everyone’s least favorite academic building to burn, burn, burn. Still, look at the high school-esque evacuation, complete with overly shrill alarm!
In case the image isn’t quite clear, THIS IS A CATERPILLAR THAT WAS FOUND LITERALLY IN THE FOOD AT HILL. It’s been a long time since first grade, but we don’t remember our teachers saying that a chrysalis is often best constructed from tuna noodle casserole. Will this tasty lil’ larva ever become a beautiful butterfly? Unclear. But all we can do besides never set foot in Hill again for the rest of our lives is hope for the best. Godspeed, insect friend, godspeed.
Remember Penn Preview Days? Those were annoying, faux-chipper, crowded and pre-froshy. The new and improved Quaker Days are all that…and more! While there are still far too many 2018ers on campus for anyone to enjoy, admissions has really upped the ante this year, with fancy azz events, including this soiree – which featured one Dean Furda hitting the dance floor. Sources say Eric breakdanced before posing with swooning fans. Check that smolder. A warm welcome to Penn indeed!
Collective exhale, Penn. We’re back in action. On this eve of Fling 2014, we look back to better times. Before the man tried to put us down, cancel our parties, and drive us to black out downtown far away from medical amnesty. When this hero still felt comfortable taking a handle pull in broad daylight on a public street. When Penn got shmacked. The good old days. We’ll miss you.
No, jk. It’s actually a barren, hellish landscape that makes us sad whenever we walk by. Like seriously, this is ugly. It doesn’t even have a name yet! Don’t worry though, it probably only cost us like $1 billion and a few sketchy admits. We’re rolling in it after making history, and all this money is going into a pit? It’s still probably nicer than Hill, and for that we are thankful.
While our New Year’s resolution to “work out” eventually succumbed to our laziness, it’s good to see others are still motivated. Over at Pottruck, this Penn Zumba instructor recently Facebook tagged all of her students to let them she wasn’t coming to class because of her roadside “expulsion of food”. Though the details may be bit, uh gross, we cannot help but love the sense of Penn Zumba community. What else might they be up to together? Zumba BYOs followed by hilarious drunk texting in their GroupMe? Penn Zumba formals? We’ll stick to guessing since we ain’t walking all the way to Pottruck to find out.