Image c/o Britt Miller at http://www.brittmillerart.com/

Many of you have been whisked away to more financially prestigious/technologically advanced/family-oriented climes, but for those of you still in the 215, here’s some Memorial Day Weekend picks.

Saturday: If the rain holds off, check out the Phair, a weekly flea market down by the art museum. That night head to Rodin Field, where the Brooklyn Qawwali Party are kicking off the 40th Street Summer series

Sunday: During the day, grill something. What are you, some kinda pinko? But at night, rock out to the  Philadelphia Battle of the  Bands at World Cafe Live.

Monday: The Philadelphia Museum of Art will be open on Memorial Day, (which it usually isn’t,) and military personnel and their families get in for free. For an equally humbling, worldly and tasteful experience you can always head down the shore, as is the tradition for many Philly locals.

The community members strongly advocated for the two rowdiest groups to be excluded: undergrads and pharmacies.  Don’t they know this is like the 90′s?

Another meeting between community members regarding the design of the space is set for June. Fingers crossed they will change their minds and let us in.

According to a Fox News affiliate, the lecturer showed off a certain body part no one was interested in seeing inside Houston Hall, and gave us another reason to avoid teachers outside of class. Didn’t anyone tell the guy Huntsman’s the place for nudity? As one student interviewed for the story said: “You don’t want to go to class and have some guy exposing himself.” Not to disagree, but at least that would keep us off Facebook.

That’s right, we’re not going anywhere. So keep your eyes peeled for both Philly-centric summer features and all things Penn. Contrary to popular belief, life does go on on Locust even after the semester ends – though we’re not sure how Sweetgreen makes a profit without all you sorority betches around.

And with that, we wish you a relaxing and productive summer! Remember to keep our tip box full, and feel free to publicize every poor decision you make on Facebook so we can call you out on it. Ah, we’re missing you already.

If you haven’t gotten the chance yet, now that it’s summer and the “kaavish” (Urdu translation: struggle) of finals is over you can totally check it out on their website, SoundCloud, or of course iTunes.

And if you’re still looking for a belated Mother’s Day gift, send her this Mother’s Day music video. A YouTube video in Hindi is the perfect present for the mom who’s got everything.

This fire hydrant gives a whole new meaning to “bra burning.” After what we presume must have been a pretty steamy night of second base under the stars, the evidence remains for the public to see. Speaking of (36-)Cs, head out to Hamilton Walk to retrieve your lost-and-found before your parents do!

1. Actually use the library resources…to dirty-chat the librarians ;)

2. And if that doesn’t quite do it for ya, there’s always 50 Shades fan-fiction. Because we know that finals week is a time when most students get a little horny restless. 

3. If you’re looking for something a little more PG, bounce the cats on cat-bounce!

4. But if you want to feel semi-productive, you can kick it high school-style with this. What’s that? There no quiz to prepare you for your OPIM final? No worries, because there is a way to test your knowledge of these.

5.Watch the Godfather trilogy…on a computer in the Forum. We’re sure no one will mind!

Happy studying!

During the next two months, every possible culture and special interest group is capitalizing on the gorge weather with a big celebration. Best of all, festival-hopping will cost you nada! For example, this weekend is the South Street Spring Festival, the Kite Festival at Penn Treaty Park, the Strawberry Festival, and the Broad Street Run. Here’s to your next Facebook album!

The 3ish-pound pooch has the most adorable deformity in all of the (internet) land and has developed a cult following on Facebook, even making the leap to BuzzFeed. Mommy’s been feeding him through a tube, but a campaign from adoring fans raised money for his surgery, scheduled for May 28…at PENN VET.

Yep, we’ve landed the most high-profile canine operation in months (Mom blogged the vets “are amazing to worth with“), so if you’re in Philly over the summer, wade through the paparazzi at the Vet School at the end of the month to bring Lentil some treats! And until then, it’s LENTIL FEST this weekend, complete with concerts and an “everything but the fleas” market. Thanks for choosing Penn – WE LOVE YOU LENTIL! <3

UTB: Before we start, how do you feel about me distorting your words to make you sound funnier?

WM: If it’s possible. I’m pretty funny.

UTB: Already doing it….So, what was your final final as a Penn student?

WM: Advanced negotiations.

UTB: Nice. How did you feel when you finished?

WM: How I always feel after I finish. Tired, happy, and ready to get out of there. *wink*

UTB: Did you just wink at me? Anyway, what were you thinking when you handed it in?

WM: That my roommate needs to stop cockblocking his sister and the guy upstairs.

UTB: Slightly irrelevant…

WM: Just had to get in one last insult.

UTB: That could be considered sweet. If you could have done one thing during a final, what would it be?

WM: I’d just stand up at my desk and strip naked. I’m curious to see how people would react.

UTB: An interesting social experiment. What would you say has been your worst final at Penn?

WM: Physics freshman year.

UTB: What’s the craziest thing you would have done to avoid taking it?

WM: Well, “theoretically,” I would say that the day of the final was a little celebrated Jewish holiday, known as The Day of Honesty.

UTB: Nicely played. Do you have any advice for those of us with more finals in our future?

WM: At the end of the day you’ll remember more going out the night before a final, than how you did. Unless you fail, then you’ll probably remember.

Sure, we’re grateful for the recent Valentine’s gift, but seriously, Ron? In the Newsroom article, you say that Columbia Business School “has its finger on the pulse of the changing nature of business education” but what about your dear two-time alma mater?

We guess it shouldn’t have been a huge surprise, but we thought what we had was *special*! You better have something AWESOME planned for our anniversary.

2012 College grad Leigh Silver has combined one thing we love to hate and another we hate to love: studying and Beyoncé. The former English major who currently works at HuffPo crafted a new website, BeyonceArtHistory, that mashes up lyrics from Beyoncé songs with Van Gogh paintings of (Sasha) fierce women.

Sure, the meme craze is kinda over, but Silver’s fusion of Art + Queen B is convincing us that she runs the world.

Now, before you ring the alarm and fall crazy in love with the site, know that your study time is irreplaceable. Checking out Mrs. Carter in Rennaisance-chic might make you fall dangerously in love all over again!

Got a loved one pleasantly past prime? Planning on being old some day? Check this: super star senior citizen sustainer/Nursing Senior Kerry McLaughlin is heading up KnowMe, a mobile app that’s aiming to drastically improve how nursing homes work. As if Facebook wasn’t enough for our grandmas…Contact KnowMe for more info!

No matter what level of panic or relaxation you’re in, you could use a study break. Here are some tips to help you stay sane–no, seriously we’re trying to help! Not enough? Check out last semester’s list here. Current list after the jump!

1. Keep some brain food on hand for late night studying. A box of Krispy Kremes before your 3 hour “nap” before your 9AM exam will lead to some pretty effed-up dreams. And grades.

2. Actually log out of your Facebook. Don’t just close the tab. If you don’t have the willpower to do that, then…

3. Get Self Control/Stay Focused/whatever you need to keep web browsing limited. This is one of those cases where there’s an app for that and you should actually use it.

4. Get a study buddy. Because two heads are better than one and you can’t casually hook up with yourself during study breaks…I mean, what?

5. Recruit the smartest kid in your class to study with/mooch off of. By now, chances are that you haven’t studied as much as you should have and this is the best you can do. Maybe some of the genius will rub off on you.

6. A Penn study has shown that if you’re going to end up getting less than 4 hours of sleep, it’s psychologically equivalent to just stay awake the whole night.

7. Water is your best friend. Puppies ain’t so bad either. If you missed the Civic House study break, head down to the adoption agency yourself!

8. Keep things in perspective – summer is right around the corner! It’s worth it to put in the work now so you can frolic all summer on the beach guilt-free.

Indeed, alongside gun control, tax collection and parking enforcement, the proliferation of illegal sidewalk cafés is something the city of Philadelphia takes very seriously. When restaurants needlessly (read: without purchasing permits to do so) spill out onto sidewalks, they block the way of people walking, shopping, loitering and going about their economically productive lives.

So consider enjoying that ensalada fresca somewhere besides el aire libre. Your libertad is at stake.

There’s the guy who falls asleep the moment he turns his computer on, the girl who “politely” asks you to plug in every Apple product known to man, and that one person that decided it was a great idea to get a five-course meal delivered to his study cubicle.

As Penn kids in the midst of finals, we can all relate. Here are the ten annoying things that happen to us in study spaces. Happy studying, everyone!

1. That person who uses the Van Pelt computers when they aren’t even going to use the printers.

2. Foot tapping, nose picking, gum smacking—both individually and in unison.

3. Using a single piece of paper to reserve a carrel.

4. Shoes not being kept on.

5. That one consistent cougher/sniffler.

6. Someone’s music is too loud even with their headphones in.

7. That girl who took a 15-minute call in Fisher Fine Arts Library… wait, isn’t that illegal?

8. Any kind of sound in Fisher. Breathing included.

9. Abusing GrubHub as a strategy to literally occupy a table all day, and it’s not okay.

10. That one person who has no more finals and still decides it’s a good idea to still come to the library to socialize with friends.

Because we all need another distraction from finals and all things worse, check out this cute collab/cover! It features one of our favorite rap-star Penn alums, Hoodie Allen W’10, and the adorable Kina Grannis. Together, they’re basically a gangsta baby sloth. And the song they’re covering? It’s by Walk The Moon, who’ll be playing at Made In America this year. Too bad Hoodie and Kina didn’t replicate this dance (skip to 1:50, it’s totes, worth it).

We’re dreaming of a white Christmas weeknight bootycall library that hasn’t reached maximum occupancy this week. Despite Fisher’s current lack of seats (bitter), we’re glad the setup has changed significantly since 1900, when this photo was taken. Looks like a perfect place to cram for Intro to Claustrophobia or cry about that last BYO/mixer/shitshow you’re missing. Don’t fret honey child, you’re evidently amongst friends, and there’s always next year.

So relax. Catch up on Game of Thrones. No one cares about what you got in FNCE 100 when you’re at the hottest school in the country.

Technically, Emma Watson won Brown that #1 title, but she didn’t even graduate so we all know it doesn’t count. Plus, does Hermione have his sweet-as-honey, godsent voice? Nope. It’s all good, Brown. We’ll let you win something.

But fear not, for there is a bar of soap at the end of this long, musky tunnel. In the meantime, enjoy these few sprinkles of fresh perspective.

Ten Things Arguably Worse Than Finals

1. Incest.

2. Receiving a notification that Jamie Finkelstein has tagged 9 photos of you from formal, having no recollection of seeing Jamie at formal, and being nowhere near a computer for the next three hours.

3. Cover letters.

4. Getting booty-called by your longtime crush in the midst of a necessary all-nighter.

5. The CVS man at the self-checkout station on 40th and Walnut. (Sad, but true.)

6. This. WHAT IS THIS?!

7. The unanimous shrieks of drunk girls at the first three chords of “Single Ladies.”

8. Frankie Muniz’s career.

9. Spending five minutes meticulously crafting a really clever status, finally mustering up the courage to click post … and then waiting as ten minutes go by … with no notifications.

10. Pants.

Check outs parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 of this feature. Or crack a book open.

Hill residents must know that the fire alarm went off for an actual reason this morning. A car parked near the corner of 33rd and Walnut was seen ablaze and has since been extinguished. Fortunately, no one seems to have been injured. After being let back in, Hillites were asked to keep their windows closed. People in the area have been saying they heard a loud boom, and no cause has been reported. Check back later at the DP for updates!

Not to be outdone, teammate Joe Bonadies C’13 (right) was invited to the Minnesota Vikings rookie mini-camp where his history major will no doubt prove incredibly useful.

But no matter what the future may hold, with three Ivy League championships under their belts, these guys have already scored big in our Red & Blue hearts. (Aww…)

Update: Scott Lopano W’13 (not pictured, but totally worth the extra click) has also been invited to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ mini-camp. Good luck, boys!

Image c/o Britt Miller at http://www.brittmillerart.com/

Whoops, looks like the Friday part of this post has already escaped us. We hope you spent it in the sunshine. As for the rest of your weekend, we know finals are coming up. But if you need a study break, we have one recommendation, and one only: 

Saturday: The Philadelphia International Festival of the Arts culminates in a giant street fair that shuts down Broad Street from Chestnut to South. There will be live performances, fresh food, freebies, one million photo ops, and a ferris wheel (!!!) in front of City Hall. Best of all, it’s free. Plus this year’s theme is time travel, so if you take notes you might be able to get a sneaky extension on that take-home exam.

Okay, so the weather hasn’t been consistently sundressy, with major yo-yoing between what feels like brisk March and summer…but as we near May (and finals), Penn is looking sexy, no matter the temperature. (Yesterday, we only needed a light jacket. So there’s that.) Your submissions were erotic and exotic, so be prepared to get turned on looking at your snapshots of our stunning campus.

Thanks to photographic visionaries Olivia Rabe, Sophia Ciocca, Matthew Triano, Corey Bassett, Shira Papir, Nicole Woon and Allie Volinsky. Hover over the pictures for enlarged images and photo credz. College Hall and the cherry blossoms were extra on-trend this spring season, and Instagram did not dominate submissions by any means!

The journey didn’t end there, as Apple was eager to hire Sculley away. As Steve Jobs made the legendary pitch to Sculley, “Do you want to sell sugared water for the rest of your life? Or do you want to come with me and change the world?” When you put it that way, being in charge of a multibillion dollar corporation does seem kind of mundane. Sculley chose the latter and became the CEO of Apple, with things going smoothly except for the infamous power struggle that led to Jobs’ ousting (oops).

Nowadays Sculley has been investing in US health care while advocating for more opportunities to consumerize the industry. Talk about high-achievers…

Multicultural Greek Council: Penn Relay’s Step Show

Some unsung Greek Groups
Pull off a super sweet show
Hands clap and feet stomp

Keynotes A Capella: A Midspring Night’s Dream

The new group in town
Presents their first full concert
Shakespeare puns are key

Penn Ballet: White Swan

Graceful as the birds
Pointed toes and pirouettes
Tutus and spandex

Disney A Cappella: Under the C

It’s a whole new world
Be their guest on Saturday
Disney beats Shakespeare

CityStep: Intramural

Kids and coeds dance
Support community schools
Cute and not creepy

Happy Hey Day! (Cue Juniors freaking out and Seniors weeping silently). But this 1932 photo of the then-dubbed Cane March looks more like a funeral procession than a celebration. Maybe it’s because they knew Penn didn’t come up with the idea for Hey Day to begin with! That’s right, our precious celebration was originally modeled after a similar idea at Syracuse University. But it also has evolved from a formal ceremony honoring the advancement of each class to a parade of raucous debauchery. Hats off for another reason to get drunk and procrastinate!

]]> http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/finals-are-really-hard/feed/ 1 http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/53148/ http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/53148/#comments Tue, 23 Apr 2013 13:36:14 +0000 Sandra Rubinchik http://underthebutton.com/?p=53148 Wanna Be on Top? As reported by the fashionistas over at The Walk, Teen Vogue’s street style photographer, Erin Kelly, will be on campus today at 10AM in the Perelman Quad snapping pictures of lady Quakers who possess “confidence and originality.” That’s in a little over 20 minutes, so grab your fairy godmother and run!

If you’re thinking this must be a money-making scheme, you’re not so far from the truth. Senior in the Huntsman Program Sarah Meyohas launched a website tonight, businessnude, to sell postcards with NSFW (Not Safe For Wharton) photos of classmate Danielle Swanner posing nude in JMHH.

Each souvenir is yours for only $5 (or $15 for the whole collection), assuming you gain access to the password-protected site (hint: getnaked). 

Between spamming listservs, changing her cover photo, and posting in the Class of 2013 Facebook group, Sarah is trying to go viral. In her words, “The project is about distribution, its currency as image, especially material.” Huh?

We’re sort of speechless. All we have to say Sarah (and Danielle) is…add us on Snapchat? 

1. Go to College Green, grab a nice big scoop of dirt, and put it in your mouth. The earth tastes delicious, and we never get to savor it! This is what animals, who eat lots of dirt, do every day.

2. Go to FroGro to make a statement in the produce aisle. Each of those fruits they’re trying to sell as “food” is just the swollen, overripe ovary of a plant, filled with seeds that each represent one unfulfilled plant life. To eat them is a travesty, and to buy them just supports the powerful Fruit Lobby.

3. Using your now-obsolete Spanish 120 handouts, wild grasses, Starbucks straws and locally-available tumbleweave, make a nest for the Native Birds of Philadelphia to call home. If all else fails, put a squirrel up there. He probably won’t mind.

4. Make a trip to the banks of the fair Schuylkill River, and gaze upon your watery reflection. Try to spot a Native Fish. If the glare on water’s surface from the oily industrial sheen is too strong, then the sun is setting, and Earth Day is almost over. It’s time to head home and cook up a fine meal of recyclables which you might otherwise have just thrown away.

Don’t delay, because Earth day only happens once a year! Tomorrow you’ll have to light that oil well on fire and kill a flock of eagles. On the real though, here are some actual ways to get in the green.

We know finals are right around the corner, but fuel your procrastination by watching athletes from all over the country and world compete in America’s oldest track and field meet. NBC is even showing Penn some love this time and will be airing the Relays live on Saturday from 1-3 PM. But since you’re here, you might as well run down to Franklin to witness all the action…and then maybe run back up to Pottruck if you’re feeling especially inspired.

]]> http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/its-the-speedy-time-of-year/feed/ 0 http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/america-just-wasnt-ready-for-love/ http://underthebutton.com/2013/04/america-just-wasnt-ready-for-love/#comments Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:26:05 +0000 Ben Lerner http://underthebutton.com/?p=53073 If you follow Penn BFF Eva Longoria on Twitter, you know she has been hawking “Ready for Love” – the new NBC reality dating competition she produces – up the wazoo. Unfortunately, the network’s pulled the plug on the matchmaking show after just two lowly-rated episodes.

Why should you care? The cancellation is bad news for contestant Ben Patton, a Penn alum! That’s right, Penn’s triumphant return into the reality dating pool is a short-lived one, as this former economics/systems engineering major will not be finding his soulmate – at least not on national TV. The oddly-structured show featured three bachelors, including unknown Ben and Plain White T’s guitarist Tim Lopez, looking for da one amongst a myriad of bachelorettes. Too bad the happily married Ashlorette‘s off the market, because it looks like Ben’s 15 minutes are up. Maybe he can try to catch the love bug at this year’s Alumni Weekend.

Brittany Snow At Penn
Who? CogWell, Penn’s student health awareness group
Where and When? Today at 6pm in Huntsman Hall Room F85
Why? She’ll be sharing her personal battles with eating disorders and bullying as part of the Love Is Louder campaign. And she’ll be doing a Q&A so you can totally get the deets on what really went on behind-the-scenes of Pitch Perfect. Aca-mazing!

Opening Celebration of “Karla Black” and “Each One As She May”
Who? Institute of Contemporary Art
Where and When? Wednesday 6-9pm in ICA (corner of 36th and Sansom)
Why? Take a study break! Get a little culture and feast your eyes on some beautiful artwork before you trudge back to the bleak shelves of VP.

IntraMURAL
Who? CityStep
Where and When? Friday at 7pm and Sunday at 3pm in IGT
Why? Cute kids poppin’ and lockin’. Go to support the Penn CityStep mentors and watch them break it down!

A Midspring Night’s Dream
Who? Keynotes A Cappella
Where and When? Friday at 8pm in the Amado Recital Hall in Irvine
Why? It’s their first full-length concert ever and your last chance to get your fill of “den-dos” before the year is done

Under The C
Who? Disney A Cappella
Where and When? Saturday at 8:30pm in Houston Hall Class of ’49
Why? Relive your childhood faves. WARNING: these songs will get majorly stuck in your head for days

Just like any local business owner, Ly was an integral part of the Penn community. He and his family always served their fruit with a smile, even in the cold of winter, from underneath that yellow awning. Our hearts are with his family in the aftermath of this tragedy. Stay tuned for updates, and we’ll let you know when we learn more.

Update: While police are still looking for answers regarding Don Ly’s murder, his son has written a touching Op-Ed in the DP about his father’s life and legacy. The family has also established a memorial fund in Don’s honor.

The Drunchie Heroine
(267): I’m at tap. Audrey is non responsive
(717): I’m coming! Stay!
(267): Ok! By fire pita
(215): Sorry I was having sex.  Save me pita

The Sober Stranger
(201): Send me some pictures from us getting Seltzer Water-Ed

The Yente Matchmaker:
(510): I,m woith your future husband.

The Third Base Coach:
(404): NO WAY OMG YHE DREAM US RESL.  IM SO PROUD OF UOY.  HIS FINGERS ARE IN YOU WUUUUUUUT.

The Girl With Priorities:
(???): I just had sex with David, I am stuck in bed with him, pleaz help, don’t wanna be late for carnival’s food

The Girl Without Them:
(301): Okay… you’re gonna eat soon though?
(240): I’lleat later some sex with mike first

The Translator:
(301): gtfvsik lovr oyo
(703): Hahaha very good.
(301): lov0eiiowuyou
(301): os muhc
(703): You too
(301): bet firsnesd
(703): Yes.  Best friends forever.

The Racist Party Classifier:
(914) Where are you
(978) The bla k party
(914) What?
(978) The black partyyyy

The Bilingual Apologist:
(703): 看法 没事
(703): I’m sorry I drunk dialed you 13 times.

The Alcohol-Themed Penelope:
(703): This is really bad
(703): What is
(703): His friend was being an asshole and all these people hate him for being a dick and people are yelling in Arabic and I don’t know what to do, my whole brain is crying.
(703): Well I got alcohol spilled in my eyes by the Ying Yang Twins.  So I win.

The Janelle Monáe?!:
(215): Last I saw of you, you were on stage looking for your jacket and then I couldn’t find you anywhere. Seriously.
(267): I had a moment with some dude and two gis wearning bowties. I could sleepy or eat of yo are going to bed will sleep.

The Non-Specific:
(201): THERE IS AB ASIAN BOY PASSED OUT IN MY BED

The Safari Autocorrector:
(631): Axtyally rhino I wanna kill him

The Debbie Downer:
(717): I don’t know what this year’s theme was. Probably “The Worst Fling You’ve Ever Seen.”

The Movie Lover:
(312): I’m leonardo dicaprio and i jst achieved the next dream level. Drunkception
(312): [FRIEND] KILLED SOMEONE! WITH A TRIDENT!
(413): You are sooooooo drunk lol
(312): LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TP DEFEAT THE HUNS

Testing… 1, 2, 3. This week’s winner is Penn Monologues, for their flyer featuring a microphone and the relevant info, proving the old saying that “less is more.” Go hear your fellow Quakers share their stories about life, love, and post-Fling malaise (possibly.) It’s like Penn Secrets/Admirers/Compliments/Stories, but in real life. The shows are at 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday. You can buy your tickets on Locust Walk or online here.

Image c/o Britt Miller at http://www.brittmillerart.com/

It’s the weekend, it’s TIME TO SHIII-II-IIINE, capture the future, together, etc. Aside from the extravaganzapalooza happening at our very own Penn Park, there’s lots of other great stuff in your city this weekend.

Friday: There’s a beer garden at The Porch at 30th Street Station right now! Until 8 PM! Get on it! Especially if you got boxed out of Time 2 Shine registration, yo. #realtalk

Saturday: The Uhuru Flea Market comes to Clark Park, with tons of vendors selling arts and crafts, vintage stuff, old books and music, and food! All proceeds go to relief efforts in Africa.

Also, the Go West Craft Fest will be taking over The Woodlands Cemetery, if you prefer your crafts to be served with a side of hipster and The Dead.

Lastly, if you like liquid nitrogen more than hand-woven pashmina scarves, go to the Philadelphia Science Festival’s Parkway celebration!

Sunday: We are sad to report that the glorious ice cream emporium Scoop De Ville is leaving Chestnut Street. Go order something delicious and wacky-looking while you still can.

1. Harvest Seasonal Grill
Despite public misconception, Harvest reigns supreme in this contest. For all of you who think this eatery and bar is out of your price range…false. What IS true is that your $ will get you food that actually tastes good (gasp!). Besides having 41 affordable, low-cal meal options (swimsuit season!) their drink deals will put your money where you want it…in your pocket, duh.

Happy hour 4-6 every glorious day: $3 Draft Beers, $4 House Wines By the Glass, $5 Select Specialty Cocktails

2. Doc Magrogan’s Oyster House
Feeling crabby? Head over to Doc’s to kick off their 6-week Beer and Oyster Fest from April 15-June 1. Now that the semester is ending, it’s totally acceptable to BYO TA! Right?

Monday-Friday Happy Hour 5-7, Wednesday and Friday 10pm-midnight
Discounted beers and daily drink specials. Don’t miss the Angry Shrimp cocktail!

3. Tap House
While it might seem obvious, Tap House still comes in at #3 for best booze for your buck. Check out their website for the complete scoop on their events, but here are their happy hours:

Tuesday Happy hour 5-7: $4 select pints (Quizzo at 10, $3 Sly Fox Cans)
Wednesday 5-7: ½ price select drinks
Thursday Late Night 5-midnight: $4 Select Crafts, $5 Infusion Cocktails, and $6 Select Red & White Wines
Friday 5-7: Hundred Mile Happy Hour: $2 off all Local Beers

4. Mad Mex
Tequila, tequila! Mad Mex’s “Big Azz” Margaritas are sure to satisfy your craving for authenticity and also get everybody in the club a little blackout tipsy. Bring your friends, bring your mom, just not your ex.

Monday-Friday Happy Hour 4:30-6:30: $7 22oz Margaritas, $5 16oz, and $3 12oz
Late Night all week: $7 22oz Margaritas.

5. Ramen Bar
When a restaurant offers ramen, alcohol, AND low prices, how could any college student say no? For those double majoring in finance and sake bombing, look no further. You’re welcome.

Monday-Friday Happy Hour 5-7
Friday-Saturday Happy Hour 9-11

$3 Drafts, $3 Well Drinks, $4 Wines, $4 Sake Bombs, $6 Specialty Cocktails, $1 off all other Alcoholic drinks

6. White Dog
If you’re feeling a night out with the gals or a classy night with the dudes (we hear that’s a thing), White Dog is your best bet. Not only do they have an extensive beer, wine, cocktail, and munchies menu, their happy hour is almost 3 hours long. FINALLY, somebody who gets it.

Monday-Friday 4:30-7:00: ½ price select drafts, $5 red and white wine, $5 cocktails

                                   International Relations Student Association BYO Crawl

   Meet up at Saxby’s
Coffee then Indian food?
Bad combination.

Counterparts Spring Show: “He Doesn’t Even Go Here!”

Support Counterparts!
Mean Girls references galore
You know you love them.

Penn Day of Silence

Lambda Alliance
Bring an end to the violence
Friday 12 to 3.

Penn Monologues Spring Show

Tickets on the Walk
Thursday and Saturday night
No vagina suits

Tie Dye for Tots

Trippy-colored shirts
Proceeds for cancer research
Purchase or donate!

3rd Annual Sigma Kappa Wing Bowl

Saturday at 3
Teams of 5; eat ’til you drop
You had me at “wings.”

Keynotes A Cappella Presents: A Midspring Night’s Dream

MIKA and Adele?
Don’t get the Shakespeare reference…
Sounds fun anyway.

If you thought it couldn’t get any worse that “Penn’s Stepping Up” (the heinous Penny Loafers-helmed disaster of a promo video for the Making History campaign), THINK AGAIN. The ridiculous factor has been upped in unimaginable ways with “Time to Shine,” a new single by Sean Altman of a group called “Rockapella,” which is climbing its way to the top of the A-Gut charts.

Filled with such poetic themed lyrics as “a red and blue flame burning with pride” and “Penn’s mighter than the sword,” the song is otherwise a vague pop anthem about spreading the light to enlighten every mind and capturing the future. Kudos on the catchy factor, however, because we cannot get this song out of our heads for the life of us. If the Locust T2S makeover wasn’t enough of an indicator, Team Amy is PROUD of its fundraising success. We have a feeling John Legend and/or Train will rock out to this jam on Friday…and the only cure to all the cringing will be “Drops of Jupiter.”