Remember freshman year? You didn’t have to brave the cold to see any of your friends (sorry, peasants of Hill), your writing seminar portfolio was your biggest worry, and you had to kiss Ben Franklin’s boot before receiving your freshman button, as this faithful frosh of the Class of 1955 is pictured doing here. Clearly, some Penn Traditions come and go and we’re kinda glad that this one is gone for good. (Besides the fact that it involved buttons. Bring back the buttons.) Nevertheless, it appears that the tradition of paying our respects to B-Frank will eternally live on.
After a two year hiatus, UTB After Dark is proud and scandalized to present the grand, salacious return of our notorious anonymous sex diary, Pennetration. Once an infamous weekly feature in 2010, the column made a comeback in 2012. Caught up, underclassmen? Tonight, the ninth edition makes its debut – this time courtesy of a man. Names are changed to protect identity, as they always will be…were you to spill your sauciest anecdotes to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I met “Bernadette” at church, obviously. Cincinnati’s finest indie rock band was playing a show at First Unitarian, and I had neglected to buy a ticket. The show was sold out, but I decided to flex my formidable scalping skills and go anyway.
While casing the line for potential losers whose friends had bailed and left them with extra tickets, I spotted an attractive girl looking lonely and half-heartedly calling out for unwanted tickets. Seizing on this obvious sexual opportunity, I swooped in. My game was in rare form that night—in just a few minutes, I learned that her prominent and illegible forearm tattoos were written in Icelandic, why she was looking for tickets and what her phone number was. Read the rest of this entry »
You may have heard smatterings of gossip this weekend: Penn Band seniors got engaged at Saturday night’s basketball game. As campus collectively gasped in shock, compassion and jealousy, UTB went to work to put the rumors to bed. And…SHE SAID YES! We’ve got the video of a 2012 alum and former Penn Band member asking young Susie to marry him during the game, which we of course lost.
The groom-to-be, we have discovered through investigative journalism, rocks a third nipple, hence his nickname “Pips” (Penn + Nips, brilliant). As for the bride, though she wore a band shirt, Susie doesn’t even go here – but she met Pips while LARPing (really). Congrats, you two!
We don’t know who built PennShows, but we kind of like it. It’s a super easy-to-use website that aggregates all the performing arts shows that are happening on any given days and lets you search for them. Just type in the date, and you can find out exactly what acapella/hip-hop dance/hilarious leading ladies/Jewish groups are playing when. The only thing we’re not cool with is the website’s use of puns, because they’re a little too similar to ours. Sleep with one eye open, techies.
We all recently got an email that on May 30th, Blackboard and Penn will officially NO LONGER be in a relationship. To mark the end of an era, we wrote an ode. (As one does.)
O Blackboard, Sweet Blackboard
Thine Purplish tones
Thine failure to function
On cellular phones,
Thine cluttered design,
Those crimson-red tabs,
Course documents, syllabus, blog posts to SABS,
We’ll miss you O Blackboard,
No matter how lame.
Canvas looks a bit cleaner,
But it’s really
not the same.
And the Mazel of the week (might become a thing) is going to Hillel’s cook, Troy Harris. Harris and his co-worker, Kareem Wallace, have already fought for better working conditions in the dining halls and have now turned their attentions to opening their own kosher vegetarian food truck called “Grassroots.” We can hear the squeals from sorority girls everywhere…
The truck’s profits will help fund a youth mentoring program called “A Few Good Men,” which aims to teach youth in Philadelphia the value of hard work. They also intend to employ at-risk young adults from their community. Troy and Kareem need all of our help to make this dream a reality. Click here to receive your daily dose of inspiration and help them reach their goal of $70,000.
Yale Drama School may have the flawless Best Supporting Actress winner Lupita Nyong’o as an alumna, but Penn has cause for celebration this post-Oscar Monday. (Maybe not as much cause as Lupita’s brother, though, who got in on the ultimate selfie of all time.)
A big congratulations to Morgan Neville (C’89), director and producer of “20 Feet From Stardom,” the hit film about backup singers that won an Academy Award last night for Best Documentary! His speech was perhaps overshadowed by the legendary Darlene Love, a subject of the movie, slaying an impromptu musical performance, complete with standing-O – but as you can see above, Neville couldn’t be happier. (This went down before John Travolta slayed the iconic Idina Menzel’s name, in a bad way.) Mazel tov, Morg – you join the ranks of our Tony, Emmy and Grammy-winning alumni.
Our three newest goals in life: (1) take a selfie with Ellen, (2) have a snow day, and (3) take a selfie with Ellen on a snow day.
Now, on to the events!
- 6:00-8:00pm @ Class of ’49 Auditorium in Houston Hall
- With topics like “America Should be the World Superpower”, this one is sure to turn up the heat on such a frigid day!
- There’s free Greek Lady, so yeah. Read the rest of this entry »
Ever wish you could add 20 to 25 minutes to your daily commute? Congrats, your wish may become a reality in the next few years. Queen Amy and the University have been slowly buying up Philadelphia with plans to eventually take over the world… Just kidding. In reality, Penn has made plans to construct a brand new “Pennovation”(ha) Center near Grey’s Ferry in South Philly to serve as a business and research center extraordinaire. And while it may not be completed for yet another decade, we hope our old pal DRL doesn’t feel left out when his new, cooler, even farther away younger brother comes to town.