The Penn Quidditch team exists, and they played in a Quidditch Cup tournament in Clark Park on the Saturday before Fling. That Sunday, a West Philadelphian named Clark DeLeon, who moved to the neighborhood in 1985, wrote a love letter to the teams and the sport for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Shit is literally beautiful: he describes the Nimbus 2500 as “the Air Jordans of quidditch sweepware.” Um, I’m sorry, this man needs an A in my Creative Writing class, stat. Clark, you keep doing what you’re doing, you wonderful resident wordsmith. You are the magic.
Ahh, the sweet smells of Spring and sobriety.
This week has a ton of events that will serve as the perfect cure to your hangovers and matzah-induced stomach-aches.
Ongoing: Spring Green Week: Blind taste tests of organic food, clothing swaps in the Quad, and Quizzo — all with an environmental twist.
PASSOVER!!! Make your grandmother happy and go to the 30 minute seder. Also, I^ am hosting a seder at my house. Shoot me a message if you want to come.
If you haven’t yet overdose on SPEC, join them for an advanced screening of some movie with a topless Zac Efron: “Neighbors” @ 7:30pm @ the Rave
Wharton grad-turned VC dude-turned PA’s maybe future governor: Rob McCord @ 7pm @ JMHH265
Do you like Rabbits? Do you like Holes? Go see Rabbit Hole, presented by the Front Row Theater Company: @ 7:30pm @ Class of ’49 (Houston Hall)
Sororities + Sumo = Alzheimers? We’re confused, too, but it seems like Sammy’s philanthropy event will be a blast! @ 2pm @ 40th and Locust
This week’s award for best event cover photo goes to Onda Latina, performing “The Syndicate.” @ 6pm @ Iron Gate Theater
Off the Beat swears they’ll perform Jason Mraz, and we swear we won’t miss it! @ 6:30pm @ Harrison Auditorium (Penn Museum)
Kudos to EXCELANO for accepting Venmo payments for their show this semester! @ 8pm @ Dunlop (for details on where this place is, check out the event here)
Happy Hangover Sunday
-- Hope your Flings were arrestless
. Can we get an amen for the blessing that was that weather?! As you slowly transition back into real people
, going through pics as you SABS in the sunshine, remember to enter our #flingstagram contest
and to submit your craziest texts
by 11:59 p.m. tomorrow night to firstname.lastname@example.org
! UPDATE: SCREENSHOTTED SNAPCHATS ALSO ELIGIBLE.
Ayyyyyy Fling is upon us, people! Whether you’re already intoxicated WITH KNOWLEDGE from your Thursday classes or not, listen up. UTB has thrown together a little scavenger hunt so if you like scavenging and you like hunting, participate in our photo contest. Below is a list of items for you to seek—some things open to interpretation.
❑ Abandoned, toppled solo cup (make it arsty~***)
❑ Scene that embodies “oh no, is that kid okay?”
❑ Wawa line that exceeds 10 people long
❑ Frat president in handcuffs
❑ UTB fling tank (+100 if you come say hi)
❑ Obvious undercover LCA agent
❑ Penn Band fanfare, in Mayfair
❑ Freshman drinking on the down-low, in Lo-Fi
❑ Getting toasted, in Toaster
❑ Person actively and consciously enjoying Qdoba
❑ Vom trail that ends at a toilet
❑ Vom trail that doesn’t end at a toilet
❑ Somebody flinging a literal, coiled spring
❑ David Guetta doing whatever it is that he does on stage
❑ Scene that best describes “Peace Love and Fling”
and you’re good to go.
Whoever knocks out the most of these bad boys out by midnight on Monday, April 14th gets a cute li’l write-up in a future post and even better, mad love from everyone here at UTB. So go out, take some shots, and take some shots!
If you’re more of a thousand words rather than a picture guy, send us your texts!
Amidst all the rumors and outrage, Fling and actual spring weather have finally arrived! UTB is putting aside our “Free Fling” protest signs to give you an extensive guide for this weekend. Here’s how to push through 4 p.m. hangovers, Bouncy castle-induced nausea, and narc paranoia to live Fling to the fullest.
10 am: Awaken and seize the Fling. Head to a discrete location to pregame. If you’re a freshman and can’t get to your friends in other parts of the Quad, pregame via Facetime so it feels (a little) less sad.
12–6 pm: Fling around town. We recommend these events:
Lower Quad – Bloomers Band @ 1:00, Dischord @ 4:30
Upper Quad – Penny Loafers @ 2:40, Penn Hype @ 5:10, Fried Oreos @ every hour.
But realistically, you’re just gonna follow your fully flung heart/mind/stomach anyway. More semi-scheduled debauchery after the jump!
In case you were wondering who the crème de la crème of Wharton and Nursing are, behold the Lantern and Nightingales societies.
Maybe they’re born with it, or maybe their best friends tapped them. Either way, you’re amongst the elite now, cherubs. Make it work.
Another round of applause for the newbies, you’re on the edge of glory.
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Fling is upon on us and Qdoba has taken notice! On Friday and Saturday, they’ll be open extra late in an attempt to corner the fourth meal market—a market previously untapped before Qdoba’s archnemesis Taco Bell lured hungry, drunk 18-to-25-year-old dudes into their driveways with quesadillas. The really interesting part is that Qdoba will be open til 2:30 a.m., when every other bar or food establishment on campus closes by 2 a.m…okay, but it’s still unclear whether any Penn student has ever knowingly walked into Qdoba to order food. Although, aren’t we forgetting something?
We’ll make this quick because we know you’re a) already flinging b) in class staring at the clock or c) on your way to New Jersey (stay safe!).
This week we’re all about fling, from gossip and logos of fling’s past to some serious thoughts on its present. Of course, we wanted to get your thoughts and have them all in our survey feature. You guys do some crazy shit and we absolutely love it. Thank you for the haikus.
Are you disappointed about Guetta? Lowbrow has some other ideas. Are you freaking out about your high school friend visiting and how you’re going to party for three days straight? Enter Ego, with friendly reminders to eat and stay hydrated. There are drunchies to be had and cocktails to mix. Come Sunday, you’ll find us curled up in the fetal position watching tv. We have options.
Have an amazing fling and get it started at 6:30 p.m. Our writers meeting is at 4015 Walnut and we’re pumped as ever, LCE be damned.
Deep breaths, deep breaths…FLING WEEKEND IS (ALMOST) HERE!!! How totally psychedelic! Like it or not, we’ll be documenting each and every one of your dude-even-the-Quad-security-thought-I-was-sober, oops-no-I’m-definitely-more-drunk-than-I-thought-I-was, well-what-do-we-have-here-I’m-blackout, nahhh-bitch-I-just-blacked-in, and-now-I’m-ready-to-rally, moves beginning Friday (tonight? Thursday?). Read on to find out the least peaceful and loving things that will be taking place sooner than you can say fling, flang, FLUNG.
1. Lines are drawn as the one person who your entire hall hates isn’t invited to the hall pre-game and shows up anyway.
2. You underestimate your drunkenness and try to eat at Commons, getting into a fight with your once favorite employee and forever ruining what used to be a beautiful relationship.
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Remember Penn Preview Days? Those were annoying, faux-chipper, crowded and pre-froshy. The new and improved Quaker Days are all that…and more! While there are still far too many 2018ers on campus for anyone to enjoy, admissions has really upped the ante this year, with fancy azz events, including this soiree – which featured one Dean Furda hitting the dance floor. Sources say Eric breakdanced before posing with swooning fans. Check that smolder. A warm welcome to Penn indeed!