That stick figure below “BALLET w/ Joanna” is pretty convincing, and that “modern” “dancer” is close enough we guess, but the tangoing couple just beneath “SOCIAL DANCING”? We ain’t buyin’ it.

It’s the second full week of school, and you’re preparing for the calm before the storm. Yeah, midterms? Already? What’s up with that? Check out these neato events before you pretend to start studying.

Penn-Princeton Game
Who: Penn Basketball
When and where: Today, 7 p.m.; The Palestra
Why: You know, basketball? That’s the one where they kick the ball into the net. Or there are ice skates involved in some way? Well, anyway, our freshman year roommate said it was a big deal, so we’re going to check it out ourselves because SPORTS RAH RAH RAH.

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The Green Fund is a pile of cash set aside for projects that will make The Environment pleased with Penn. Money goes to proposals, submitted by any member of the Penn community, that promote sustainability.

TGF recently announced its Fall 2011 batch of prizes, which includes ozone laundry at Pottruck. Ozone laundry? Haha, does the machine go “bleep bleep bloop” and split ozone to clean clothes? Oh, wait.

The fund’s announcement gleefully notes that the projects have already begun to show return on investment. Just in case you thought that the earth was ripping us off.

How many times have you fainted from excitement at the sight of campus celebrity QUAKER BEN FRANKLIN? Hopefully zero, because that would be weird, but QBF is a BFD. Everybody’s always wanting to snap some pics and ride around in a giant motorized football helmet with him. He’s so cool and popular! We wish we could be more like him…

But from the looks of this photo shoot courtesy of the Office of University Communications, our mascot isn’t all that different from us!

He’s in Fisher, he’s in the ICA, he’s in the gym, HE’S EVERYWHERE

You’ll see in today’s DP that a new building is coming to the Biopond area of campus, (oddly?) described as the “Huntsman Hall for life-science students.” It’s basically any and all “Living World” requirements in one place, housing the good Psychology, BBB and biology stuff. It makes us think: what other campus lifestyles do we wish could just be in one place?

• The “Huntsman Hall” of Relaxation: A new de-stress center featuring haircuts from Adolph Biecker (no more schlepping to 34th), Kiwi fro-yo and the Bursar-able massages from Pottruck.
• The “Huntsman Hall” of Munchies: McDonald’s, Wawa and Allegro. Location: inside of Smoke’s. We’ll make it work.
• The “Huntsman Hall” of Downtowns: G lounge, Level and Palmer Social all in one convenient building on Beige Block. Never have to worry about leaving a coat behind again! Unfortunately, the Roxxxy will still be a million miles away.
• The “Huntsman Hall” of Huntsman Hall: Featuring Brooks Brothers, the OCR Suite and Occupy Philly all in one happy room.

For all of you video game addicts who realize that adding a bit of exercise to your couch potato routine wouldn’t kill you, consider looking into Fitocracy. Fitocracy, started by Penn alumni Brian Wang (’08) and Dick Talens (’08), uses the same concepts behind video game addiction to get people movin’ and groovin’ to the tune of their own fitness goals.

Don’t buy it? Fitness is more like a video game than you think:

• Seemingly small skills are developed, but only the final outcome determines your success: Did you reach a high score of 600 points or a set of six pack abs?
• Motivation is driven by a single goal: Beefy arms are fundamentally the same as rescuing the Princess from the palace.
• Intensity: If you can feel your thumbs or haven’t hit lactic acid fermentation, you’re doing it wrong.

Just in time for cooler weather, the mysterious smoothie truck is open for business at 38th and Walnut. We’d heard it was scooting around campus, but this is the first time we’ve seen it in action. Finally, a way to avoid the awkwardness of going to Pottruck just to get a smoothie.

Are you there, Amy? It’s us, UTB. We only had three days of classes this past week but we’re already knee-deep in work and getting back to our old habits: sleeping in lecture, sleeping in recitation, sleeping on our ellipticals, sleeping during our mid-essay 4th floor Van Pelt poop seshes. It’s just too much! Luckily, we’re planning on spending those precious few moments when we aren’t sleeping or under the influence at a smorgasbord of events! A smorgasbord! Think about that.

Karate Demo Class
Who: Pottruck
When and where: Thursday, 6:45-7:45 p.m.; Pottruck Studio 305
Why: Hiya! Machop! Those were the sounds of us smashing your bedroom door in half. Just kidding! We can hardly separate our chopsticks when we get sushi. But after this free demo we’ll probably be able take you in a fight.

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We were just as shocked as you when we realized we hadn’t posted about a Penn startup since last week yesterday. Today, we début* Sportaneous (who doesn’t love a good portmanteau*), started by a Penn-Columbia tag team. The new app enables users to organize pick-up sports games with other users in the same city, all thanks to GPS technology. So it’s essentially a mélange* of match.com for the commitment-phobe and foursquare for the socially-functional creep, non*?

Currently, Sportaneous is making its mark in New York City and San Diego, but the owners hope to expand to Philly quite soon. Which means you’re in luck if texting your clique* to shoot some hoops at Pottruck has always felt like a chore!

*Bonjour, it’s Bastille Day