There’s really no better way to find out what the world has cared about for the past 12 months than by perusing Google’s Year-End Zeitgeist, an examination of 2009′s most popular and fastest rising search terms.

For example, from the top ten most Googled terms in Philadelphia, we learn the following:

1. College students stay Googling.
2. Especially Penn students.
3. Penn students do not use Blackboard enough to just go ahead and bookmark it.
4. Penn’s websites are the worst! Why so many?
5. Wharton’s intranet is really called SPIKE.
6. Most Philadelphians don’t need to search for Under the Button because it’s their homepage. Probably!

Check it out for yourself to find out more. We don’t want to ruin too many surprises, but we will say that “how to kiss” made it to the top of one list, and that the four fastest rising search terms in the U.S. were (in order) “american idol,” “swine flu,” “cash for clunkers” and “paranormal activity.” Sounds about right!

For the past nine months, we at UTB have been lucky to have our columnist Carlin grace this blog with her wit and wisdom. She graduated with the rest of the class of ’09, but we convinced her to bid adieu with one last post. From now on, you can visit Carlin at her new personal blog.

When I was in elementary school, we were asked each semester in my nine years of attendance to fill out a five page self evaluation. I was asked, beginning at the age of five, what was my favorite class? What was the best thing I’d learned? What kind of a friend was I? What kind of a student? What were my strengths? My weaknesses?

I would fill these out pretty meticulously, with the knowledge that not only would my teachers be seeing them, but eventually my parents would too, so what I was really evaluating was the person I wanted them to see me as. Not that I was lying, exactly. But I wanted to be seen as a leader, as creative. A wonderful friend, and wonderfully liked. Smart. Good at everything I put my mind to. When transcripts were added into the equation, I wanted to be seen as engaged; involved in every club, every advanced class, and eventually, rewarded with the perfect boyfriend and wardrobe (I got him, and dumped him two months later for being too boring. The legacy of my wardrobe, however, continues).

Though I haven’t been asked to fill out one of these evaluations in about eight years, I’ve recently found myself thinking about the way we present ourselves, in contrast to the way we actually view ourselves when we strip away the Greek affiliations, social cliques, Facebook, and general Penn-isms. I carried these aspirations of self-preservation with me through college, and added in the edgy flavor of sexual deviant and potty mouth with a rockin’ closet. Read the rest of this entry »

One grad’s funny mortarboard message — the graduation version of fling bling — made the front page of today’s New York Times and page two of the Wall Street Journal.  According to our sources (read: according to our merciless stalkage of a friend’s gchat status), the identity of said mystery jokester is (former) senior Nate Weiner.

Here’s hoping that a human resources exec somewhere out there responds to this bold gesture.

Feast your eyes on this year’s list of prize winners and honors society inductees, which can be found in the print edition of today’s DP and conveniently reproduced below (click to enlarge).  Some highlights: senior honor awards went to Drew Feith Tye, Rahima Dosani, Erica Evans, Mia Kumagai, Brett Perlmutter, Jamie McCarthy, Noah Apektar and Wilson Tong, all of whom are either Sphinx, Friars, Cultural Elite or Ego’s of the Week.  Street sure can pick ‘em!  Also listed are this year’s Phi Beta Kappa inductees and a bunch of other honors.  Congratulations to everyone!

As Hey Day festivities commence, keep in mind Class of ’09 Treasurer AJ Snyder’s plea, which made the listserv rounds last night:

So Hey Day is tomorrow and one of the biggest questions that has been on everyone’s minds is why throwing things like ketchup and other condiments a big deal. Students argue that it is a tradition, it is fun, and it is harmless.

Well aside from the fact that this tradition has only been around since 2002 when the Palladium closed, University sources have informed us that the condition of Locust Walk is so poor that the majority of it will have to be replaced if it has to be power washed again because of the extreme mess. You all have seen the walk recently and know that it has seen better days. Broken or missing bricks can be found all throughout it and there isn’t a week that goes by that you haven’t seen someone from facilities trying to fix spots. Further, this power washing that has to occur to clean up after the mess we leave behind not only dislodges more bricks, but also causes significant wear and tear on its surface.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ladies and gents of the College, we’ve got a student speaker for graduation.  Sarah-Jane Littleford is from Zimbabwe and majors in sunstainable development.  Girlfriend gets to sit next to John Legend, so understandably we’re jealous.

Now that it’s April, Hey Day draws nigh.  Juniors, you know what that means: time to vote on your t-shirt design. The current options are posted on the Class of 2010′s website.  History shows that the coolest design will probably not win; why, for example, was last year’s t-shirt Monopoly-themed?  Still, you should go ahead and vote anyway.  Voting goes until 11:59 tonight.  Make it work, junior class.

Anyone know this guy? He went to Penn too!

This week, I was bitch slapped –- twice. On Tuesday, my responsible housemate sent out an email reminding friends that it was the last day the seniors could use bursar…forever. I am scared of people-money, especially since I’m hardcore humanities and can thus expect to make said people-money never. This yielded a $200 stress splurge as I stocked up on Penn gear after four years of not purchasing any from the institution: a Not Penn State t-shirt, hats plural, a sweatshirt, and mesh gym shorts that make me look I borrow clothes from my nonexistent boyfriend. Seriously, the one hat I had, I jacked from my little sister who wore it at camp for like a day to brag about me before she remembered who the fuck I was. And it was too small.

The second bitch slap came from pledging. That kind of sounds appropriate, especially with this being Greek Week, but this was the obligatory I-Won’t-Haze-the-Cane-Wielders-Who-Are-Asking-For-It-Anyway pledge. I mean, isn’t that why we participate in Hey Day? Last year, after I ran into my father on the street completely blacked out (his secretary told me later. He wouldn’t speak to me because I apparently boomeranged and crashed his lunch meeting), I was lucid enough after grabbing a pretzel to insist on walking on the outside so that I could be doused in syrup, mustard, ketchup, and something blue that is still wedged in my converse, almost one year later. But clearly I signed the thing because it means I get to go to a party. Read the rest of this entry »

I've seen the future, and I can't afford it.

The bookstore’s so crowded today that we almost thought a new Harry Potter book was being released.  But alas, the gridlock is just a herd of ’09ers looking to pick up their grad robes.  It’s so surreal–write down your name, your height, your weight, check a little box and poof! a set of robes for the last day of your college life.  And even though you’ll never wear them after that, they still cost over $60.  Haha, suckers.

When seniors receive their $160,000 diplomas and SEO-based advice from our commencement speaker this May, five other notables will get honorary Penn degrees — doctorates! — for free. And we thought academia was the one place where “real world experience” didn’t matter.

Unsurprisingly, the achievements of the lucky five focus mostly on trendy environmental and international issues like microcredit and the preservation of Earth. Two are even Nobel Peace Prize winners. Which begs the question: why is Schmidt, whose Penn-manufactured bio lists no awards, the speaker this year?

See the press release bios for these five honorary recipients after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

The DP reports that this year’s graduation speaker will be Google CEO Eric Schmidt.  Definitely an imaginitive selection.  We’re not passing judgement yet, but we’ll note the following:  1) This will make three white males in a row. 2) Google wasn’t good enough to replace Webmail, but apparently it’s just dandy for commencement.

Happy new year!  We’re either about 20 hours late on this, or we opted to hold off calling the new year until the majority of precincts were reporting, CNN-style.  Either way, a happy and a healthy to you and yours.  Instead of looking backwards, we’re looking ahead to Spring ’09, which begins in just two short weeks!  Or less than that, actually.  But still way later than the Obama girls, who report to Sidwell Friends on Monday. (Suckers.)

We’ve made the following resolutions on behalf of Penn:

• We will only waste our time on the good a capella groups.
• We will side with Insomnia in the cookie war Cupmakes is looking to start.
• We will dutifully visit Pottruck.
• We will do all the assigned reading. Read the rest of this entry »