You’re done. Visions of bro tanks and plastic cup margaritas dancing in your head, you step out of your very last midterm and into the sunlight—But wait: you have ONE more assignment to do during your week of crazy debauchery in Mexi-cabo-iami: submit your craziest Spring Break texts anonymously to 34^th Street!

When you wake up toothless on the beach to a bunch of extremely awkward texts you don’t even remember sending to your T.A., don’t worry. You’ll laugh about it when school starts up and you’re back to Van Pelt parties. This may be your chance to go down in SB2k13 glory forever. If not, at least let us all laugh at you.

We know you’re feeling :( because there’s no Street this week, but cheer up, kid. We’ve got something arguably better than Shoutouts after break- yup, Spring Break Texts From Last Night! Now you can let the world know how jealous you are everyone on your hall is going to Puerto Vallarta or that idiot in your writing seminar is going to Europe while you’re stuck at home. The best ones will go in print in our March 15th publication. Snazzy, eh?

Submit your Spring Break texts to us before midnight on March 12th. Sound good? Good. And have a wonderful break or whatever.

Highbrow Besos!

Still alive? Congrats! Looks like you’ve survived snowpocalypse 2k12. Pat yourself on the back with this week’s Street.

Street‘s all about the romance this week. Film’s got some helpful suggestions of where to take your slam piece after a movie. Food & Drink plays (and wins) matchmaker. And Arts keeps it classy as always, with an adorable DIY bookmark perfect for your paperback erotica.

But if you’re more the type who wants to punch those heart-shaped balloons every time you walk by CVS, Feature has an escape route to West Philly.

Ego’s got the girls behind the vagina costumes. Music has some advice for all you sucka frat DJs. Lowbrow’s got the 411 on how to get out of hazing (shoutout to the UA! holla!) And, as always, Highbrow brings you the gossip, where the special musical guest this week is Kweder.

Writer’s meeting tonight! We want you. 4015 Walnut. 6:30.

So who is that mysterious silhouetted figure on the cover? We’ll never tell, but we will present you with a thoughtfully-researched piece of long-form journalism that asks some serious questions about last semester’s Occupy rager. Check it out.

In other news, Highbrow lets you in on a few pledging secrets this week. A concise preview: chain-smoking, Jewish junk and a sorority’s new style that’s reminiscent of Mugatu’sDerelicte collection.

For those of you who are looking to get into Center City, Arts has a delightful afternoon in store for you, and Music gently guides you into the world of Philly record stores (and even gives you a primer on vinyl). For those of you who tend to stay inside and watch movies, check out Film’s debate over the future of 3D movies.

And don’t forget Lowbrow’s exposé on the scandalous pasts of Penn’s most well-known faces. We now understand why Eric Furda can get so catty sometimes.

It’s a wonderful time during the year. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Shoutouts just around that other corner. But before we cut both of those corners, we have another Street tradition for you: Cultural Elite.

Aside from bashing and thrashing at our beloved seniors, Street also had time to check in with the boys of BMOC. Food & Drink stumbled across Market Street. to the food trucks dotting Drexel’s campus.

Film hung out with some Penn celebs to find out their secret celebrity crushes. Music drowned their sorrows in a nice cup of Drake. Arts named a Cribz winner! He’s in Theos. Shocker.

This week’s feature is about Lisa Lisa (the girl so nice they named her twice!) and her weekly drag show at South Street bar, Bob and Barbara’s.

And Lowbrow readies you for Thanksgiving with some timely pick up lines.

Don’t forget to submit your Shoutouts in the nifty tip box at the top of this page. Or to shoutouts@34st.com. Get at us. We love it.

Street’s back this week with a boatload of gossip and goods. There was too much Halloween naughty going on for a normal toast ‘n roast, so Highbrow‘s got a Halloween round up to brighten your mood.

Ever catch yourself looking at your good-looking self in the reflective surfaces on Walnut? Us too. Check out Ego‘s recommendations of where to check yourself out here.

Food & Drink took some time to chat with Chef Nikki Hill. She gave us the lowdown on how to cook some lip-smacking goodness in small spaces.

Don’t miss our feature on Penn grads who work as urban educators. There’s more to it than meets the eye. While you’re at it, see our six degrees of Thom Yorke. He’s radiosexy.

Film caught Like Crazy and is here to dish the dirt on across-the-pond romance. Arts didn’t want you to miss all the boozy fun of the play, Bye Bye Liver.

One mystery we couldn’t solve this week: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Sup dudes? We’re back this week with (sorry) no sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll. Instead we bring you many mmmmm’s in the form of the Restaurant School. See what’s up there in this week’s feature.

This week’s Ego, Joe Lawless, can seriously do a split and isn’t afraid to show you. Film brings you the best of the Philadelphia Film Festival, while Arts shows you which Philly–based arts classes will whet your creative apetite.

Food & Drink gives you the low down on Coup de Taco’s replacement truck, Pure Fare. Lowbrow quizzes you on how much Street cred you actually have, and Music shows you what it means to be a collective.

Don’t forget to get your weekly gossip from Highbrow here.

Street‘s back this week with an inside peak at the noticeable rise in Molly usage among Penn students. Check out what’s been going down at DayGlow and those Deadmau5 concerts here.

Film brings you a review of the revamped Footloose. Spoiler alert: the girl’s still a preacher’s daughter dressed as a hooch. Food & Drink send you on a sultry blind date to Greek spot Opa.

Our Ego of the Week Sika Gasinu climbs mountains, brews beer and helps drunk idiots as a member of MERT. Music checks in with Nate Ruess of fun. fame.

Want your hahas and OMG–worthy gossip? Don’t forget to hit up Lowbrow and Highbrow.