34th Street MagazineSeptember 26, 2013 at 7:00 am

STREET Presents: Checking In/Checking Out

Screen Shot 2013-09-25 at 11.06.07 PMYo, yo, yo, Street is in da house, coming to you live from 4015 ‘nut. And this week we’ve got everything: red velvet pot cupcakes, hippity-hoppin’ #tbt party jamz and even some hybrid snuggie-slapchop-magicbullet-shamwows.

But if that whole scene’s not for you, Street now has super-exclusive sports coverage. (We like sportz, and we don’t care who knows). Women’s basketball is our fav: DP Sports better watch out! Or, if you’re someone who NEEDS to stop at every historical marker, aka a history nerd buff, you can stalk the former Philadelphia homes of famous artists. Some people just have it all together. You know, that person who aces every OCR interview, or Venmos their favorite homeless woman (her name is Tanya).
But sometime’s it’s okay not to have it all together. Seriously, read about it. But if you find yourself at University Pinball Family Fun Center, chances are you’re doing something wrong.
34th Street MagazineSeptember 19, 2013 at 7:00 am

STREET Presents: Best Fit

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Crying after your first midterm? Don’t want to answer another question ever again? Sucks. We have some more for you bitties: Does the Castle moosehead give you the creeps? Does incessant flyering on Locust sometimes make you wish you went to Drexel? Well, turns out they have some pretty good dining options to rival bon appetit. Having awards show withdrawal post-VMAs? Read about Street’s picks for the Emmys this weekend, which will have plenty of drama (literally-they give awards for drama). Wanna get on Main Line status with Philadelphia? You’ll have to know all the right SEPTAs to take to Philadelphify your music and check out some of the city’s flea marketsThink your parents are the most embarrassing? Turns out one Penn Mom is even crazier than that Princeton Mom (MRS degree, anyone?). No matter how crazy the mom or the moose, make sure you check out our feature this week—OCR is coming and you need to know what to wear and where to wear it—you can check out our freshly made WiFi map for the latter, but we can’t help you dress yourself (we’d like to though).
34th Street MagazineSeptember 5, 2013 at 10:16 am

STREET Presents: Previously On…

Screen Shot 2013-09-04 at 11.16.50 PMWelcome to Penn, Class of 2017. We’re sure you’re the best and brightest Penn has ever seen—but maybe your Facebook group begs to differ? We don’t. No matter who you are or where you’re from, chances are you’ll find yourself in one of Penn’s food recycling fine dining establishments—if you’re not into the 20 hummus options of the day, check our hacks for DIY dining hall delights.

We also hope you had a good summer. We missed you a lot. So much so that we wanna blur your lines. Or do we wanna get lucky? Not sure. Maybe we should ask someone who worked with the Fairly Oddparents. Wait, is that a show or characters? Nevermind.

Did you have a good weekend? We did. We don’t really remember though, ’cause we made it in America. MIA at MIA? Check out these upcoming fall festivals (that don’t include Beyonce’s thighs). 

To those of you returning from abroad, maybe you want to make some resolutions for the semester. Or not. Still, most of us weren’t here over the summer, so let Street give you a quick once–over of what’s new at Penn. WaWa is the bomb.

34th Street MagazineApril 18, 2013 at 5:25 am

STREET Presents: Unpopped

Picture 35Shoutout season is upon us, so inhale the sweet, sweet smell of revenge. Lowbrow airs your grievances and tells you exactly who shit the bed, literally and figuratively. But never fear, the rest of the issue has so much more than ads you can use to wipe your tears.

Whether you’re a nostalgic senior or a lowly freshman, Highbrow gives you the chance to score a highly coveted Round Up Superlative. Hey, at least they don’t use your yearbook picture! If that’s not enough to get you in the mood for a vacation, Ego helps you choose your own summer adventure (spoiler: that’s not code for a Goldman internship), Music goes cross country to scope out the best festivals, and Food and Drink pick out the best chilly snacks around Philly that are sure to keep you cool. If you’d rather beat the heat inside an air–conditioned theatre, well that just sucks. Film explains why. And in honor of Throwback Thursday (if you’re into that, no judgement) Art goes back in time to the best of Penn poets past. Finally, this week’s feature tackles abstinence (or lackthereof) by choice (or lackthereof) at Penn. Oh, and robots are taking over the world in the international Robocup. Let the games begin…

With Ever–loving, Maraschino–sweet, unpopped love,


34th Street MagazineApril 11, 2013 at 5:12 am

STREET Presents: Hope Flings Eternal

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Fling 2013: You’re thinking about it, your friends talk nonstop about it, and your liver is performing its last rites. We know you’re all asking yourselves the profound questions “What was Fling 40 years ago?”, “Where will Fling be in 40 years?” and “Back in the day did they ride real bulls?” This week’s feature explores Fling’s past, present and future. Unenthused by the fling shirt you ordered? Check out Arts’ DIY Fling Tank guide for ways to take your tank from boring to bitchin’.

Are the weather forecast, post-fling school assignments and artist selection getting you down? Enter the world of fling fantasy with Ego’s Top 10 fling dreams. You won’t complain about hunger, though, because Food and Drink’s got you covered with the most convenient places to satisfy your drunchies anywhere on campus. Still feel like whining about Girl Talk? Lowbrow’s with you, so they’ve devised a list of things better than this year’s concert.

Spring is finally here, but hopefully that’s not the only thing that the only thing that’ll cum this Fling. If you’re nervous that what’s coming has slightly more experience than you, Miss Cassandra is here to soothe your anxiety. Disappointed with your pelvic affiliate? Check out Autre Ne Vut, Gigamesh, and Mask and Wig–their vibes range from sultry to crazy to funny, attracting diverse audiences and maybe a new love interest?

Tired of hearing about nothing but Fling? Enjoy some comic relief reading the drunk, high, sober commentaries on “The Croods.” Bonus points if you see the movie yourself (hopefully you’re still rolling).

34th Street MagazineApril 4, 2013 at 5:00 am

STREET Presents: Best of Penn 2013

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LISTEN UP. This week, Street’s got the bestworst, and rest of Penn. And yeah, Banana Leaf is still the best BYO to get rowdy at. Go. Get swasty/gangly. Repeat.

Aside from cultural critiques, check out Highbrow’s craiglist: Penn Edition in order to hang out and study naked. If you want a hot toddy with that or learn about Take Back the Night, Ego of the Week Pallavi Podapati will fufill your needs.

Music presents a variety of album reviews, including Tyler (not Tyga) the Creator. But seriously, can Penn muster up 1,200 signatures against him in 24 hours like Harvard? If not, remember he’ll be off the stage before you even roll into the concert.

Speak of rolling (with the big dogs), Film chats with freshman Julie Adam about her short animated film “Miniature,” which won the Penn Film Festival. Dude, she’s only a freshman. How sick is that?

Do memories of 1920 Commons re-emerge? Cause Food & Drink’s Best I Ever Ate complements the blah of Commons. Arts makes up for that with Philly’s Top 3 Artsy Bars. Graffiti is involved, just not Castle. And just when you thought you’ve heard enough of the best and worst, Lowbrow offers you the rest of Penn. Seriously, where is the best place to contract an STD on campus? Lastly, Backpage gets all nostalgic with its Seniors by the Numbers, since, you know, there’s less than three weeks of class left and Veep Biden will be arriving soon.

34th Street MagazineMarch 28, 2013 at 5:29 am

STREET Presents: Opportunity Cost

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As Rebecca Stein once said, there is no such thing as a free lunch—just as there is no such thing as a truly waived tuition. However, from what we hear from the most secretive of sources, certain events organically originate as orgies, while others are forcibly filmed for the furious art–fucks of Filmadelphia.

In other news, some of our sections decided to stray Off the Beat(en) path and took a hike towards a healthier, fitter life. We can’t guarantee the advice is too great though. Still, if you’re just looking for a walk, stroll down the flavorlicious Fishtown in Street’s newly reinvented Flavorhoods, ’cause it’s always a beautiful day to be a neighbor (won’t you be ours?) Tired of old jingles like that? Then get a jump on campus’ shittiest music, from Saxby’s to Saigon and beyond. Tired off all the shittiness? Then get some culture at PIFA. It’s pifftastic.


34th Street MagazineMarch 21, 2013 at 5:12 am


Picture 10Lights. Camera. Tuck in your dick  and get ready for some action, because this issue is twice as fabulous as anything you’ve ever seen in print.

34th Street is taking us into the flashy yet sophisticated Philadelphia drag scene, where “reading” means far more than diving into your Biology textbook.

You’ve got questions about what to do when your partner wants to enter the “back door,” and Miss Cassandra’s got answers. Once you’ve checked that off your bucket list, Ego has some more questionable things for you to do before locking yourself in Van Pelt during finals week.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves–there are still a few great weeks left in the semester. Music’s got a list of Penn alums in bands that should definitely be added to your party, workout and study playlists. Plus, Food and Drink’s got some great snacks for you to enjoy outside (once the weather pushes past 50 degrees…) while you listen. If going outside isn’t your thing, Arts has the lowdown on some antique stores you can visit in Center City—by just walking in, you’ll feel much better about the current state of your bedroom.

Course registration has begun, which means we’re all worrying we won’t graduate because there is no way to satisfy those annoying sector requirements. Never fear, Lowbrow’s got your back. Once you’ve got your schedule figured out, Film’s workplace movie playlist will serve as your orientation before you start that sweet (or not–so–sweet) summer internship.

FeaturesMarch 4, 2013 at 7:49 pm

The Five Stages Of Spring Break

ready to partySpring break might feel too short, and that’s because it definitely is. There’re gonna be a lot of emotions in a short timespan so here’s your guide to what most of us will be feeling, and how to deal.

1. Adjusting
You’re imagining what you’d be doing if you had classes today. Sleep until you’re not nocturnal anymore. Put thoughts of homework to bed too.

2. Embracing
Time to put higher education completely out of your mind. Spring break is here; you deserve this, girl! If you’re sticking around, there are still shenanigans to be had.

3. Immersing
You’re deep enough into spring break and far enough from the end to let it all loose. Live a little and, while you’re at it, don’t forget to send Street your crazy SB texts.

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsFebruary 21, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Free Printing And…?

Seems like things have been getting frisky in the M&T office, according to this email, recently sent by an administrator for the Jerome Fisher Program in Management and Technology.

Although the nature of the “inappropriate behavior” wasn’t specified, we think it may have had something to do with a senior’s recent answer to a Street surveyWeirdest place one guy ever hooked up? “M&T office. Free printing AND a blowjob.” The stress must be getting to you. Next time, though, we suggest you take it somewhere more private (Van Pelt stacks anyone?)