Welcome to Penn, Class of 2017. We’re sure you’re the best and brightest Penn has ever seen—but maybe your Facebook group begs to differ? We don’t. No matter who you are or where you’re from, chances are you’ll find yourself in one of Penn’s
food recycling fine dining establishments—if you’re not into the 20 hummus options of the day, check our hacks for DIY dining hall delights.
We also hope you had a good summer. We missed you a lot. So much so that we wanna blur your lines. Or do we wanna get lucky? Not sure. Maybe we should ask someone who worked with the Fairly Oddparents. Wait, is that a show or characters? Nevermind.
Did you have a good weekend? We did. We don’t really remember though, ’cause we made it in America. MIA at MIA? Check out these upcoming fall festivals (that don’t include Beyonce’s thighs).
To those of you returning from abroad, maybe you want to make some resolutions for the semester. Or not. Still, most of us weren’t here over the summer, so let Street give you a quick once–over of what’s new at Penn. WaWa is the bomb.
Shoutout season is upon us, so inhale the sweet, sweet smell of revenge. Lowbrow airs your grievances and tells you exactly who shit the bed, literally and figuratively. But never fear, the rest of the issue has so much more than ads you can use to wipe your tears.
Whether you’re a nostalgic senior or a lowly freshman, Highbrow gives you the chance to score a highly coveted Round Up Superlative. Hey, at least they don’t use your yearbook picture! If that’s not enough to get you in the mood for a vacation, Ego helps you choose your own summer adventure (spoiler: that’s not code for a Goldman internship), Music goes cross country to scope out the best festivals, and Food and Drink pick out the best chilly snacks around Philly that are sure to keep you cool. If you’d rather beat the heat inside an air–conditioned theatre, well that just sucks. Film explains why. And in honor of Throwback Thursday (if you’re into that, no judgement) Art goes back in time to the best of Penn poets past. Finally, this week’s feature tackles abstinence (or lackthereof) by choice (or lackthereof) at Penn. Oh, and robots are taking over the world in the international Robocup. Let the games begin…
With Ever–loving, Maraschino–sweet, unpopped love,
Fling 2013: You’re thinking about it, your friends talk nonstop about it, and your liver is performing its last rites. We know you’re all asking yourselves the profound questions “What was Fling 40 years ago?”, “Where will Fling be in 40 years?” and “Back in the day did they ride real bulls?” This week’s feature explores Fling’s past, present and future. Unenthused by the fling shirt you ordered? Check out Arts’ DIY Fling Tank guide for ways to take your tank from boring to bitchin’.
Are the weather forecast, post-fling school assignments and artist selection getting you down? Enter the world of fling fantasy with Ego’s Top 10 fling dreams. You won’t complain about hunger, though, because Food and Drink’s got you covered with the most convenient places to satisfy your drunchies anywhere on campus. Still feel like whining about Girl Talk? Lowbrow’s with you, so they’ve devised a list of things better than this year’s concert.
Spring is finally here, but hopefully that’s not the only thing that the only thing that’ll cum this Fling. If you’re nervous that what’s coming has slightly more experience than you, Miss Cassandra is here to soothe your anxiety. Disappointed with your pelvic affiliate? Check out Autre Ne Vut, Gigamesh, and Mask and Wig–their vibes range from sultry to crazy to funny, attracting diverse audiences and maybe a new love interest?
Tired of hearing about nothing but Fling? Enjoy some comic relief reading the drunk, high, sober commentaries on “The Croods.” Bonus points if you see the movie yourself (hopefully you’re still rolling).
Aside from cultural critiques, check out Highbrow’s craiglist: Penn Edition in order to hang out and study naked. If you want a hot toddy with that or learn about Take Back the Night, Ego of the Week Pallavi Podapati will fufill your needs.
Music presents a variety of album reviews, including Tyler (not Tyga) the Creator. But seriously, can Penn muster up 1,200 signatures against him in 24 hours like Harvard? If not, remember he’ll be off the stage before you even roll into the concert.
Speak of rolling (with the big dogs), Film chats with freshman Julie Adam about her short animated film “Miniature,” which won the Penn Film Festival. Dude, she’s only a freshman. How sick is that?
Do memories of 1920 Commons re-emerge? Cause Food & Drink’s Best I Ever Ate complements the blah of Commons. Arts makes up for that with Philly’s Top 3 Artsy Bars. Graffiti is involved, just not Castle. And just when you thought you’ve heard enough of the best and worst, Lowbrow offers you the rest of Penn. Seriously, where is the best place to contract an STD on campus? Lastly, Backpage gets all nostalgic with its Seniors by the Numbers, since, you know, there’s less than three weeks of class left and Veep Biden will be arriving soon.
As Rebecca Stein once said, there is no such thing as a free lunch—just as there is no such thing as a truly waived tuition. However, from what we hear from the most secretive of sources, certain events organically originate as orgies, while others are forcibly filmed for the furious art–fucks of Filmadelphia.
In other news, some of our sections decided to stray Off the Beat(en) path and took a hike towards a healthier, fitter life. We can’t guarantee the advice is too great though. Still, if you’re just looking for a walk, stroll down the flavorlicious Fishtown in Street’s newly reinvented Flavorhoods, ’cause it’s always a beautiful day to be a neighbor (won’t you be ours?) Tired of old jingles like that? Then get a jump on campus’ shittiest music, from Saxby’s to Saigon and beyond. Tired off all the shittiness? Then get some culture at PIFA. It’s pifftastic.
34th Street is taking us into the flashy yet sophisticated Philadelphia drag scene, where “reading” means far more than diving into your Biology textbook.
You’ve got questions about what to do when your partner wants to enter the “back door,” and Miss Cassandra’s got answers. Once you’ve checked that off your bucket list, Ego has some more questionable things for you to do before locking yourself in Van Pelt during finals week.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves–there are still a few great weeks left in the semester. Music’s got a list of Penn alums in bands that should definitely be added to your party, workout and study playlists. Plus, Food and Drink’s got some great snacks for you to enjoy outside (once the weather pushes past 50 degrees…) while you listen. If going outside isn’t your thing, Arts has the lowdown on some antique stores you can visit in Center City—by just walking in, you’ll feel much better about the current state of your bedroom.
Course registration has begun, which means we’re all worrying we won’t graduate because there is no way to satisfy those annoying sector requirements. Never fear, Lowbrow’s got your back. Once you’ve got your schedule figured out, Film’s workplace movie playlist will serve as your orientation before you start that sweet (or not–so–sweet) summer internship.
Spring break might feel too short, and that’s because it definitely is. There’re gonna be a lot of emotions in a short timespan so here’s your guide to what most of us will be feeling, and how to deal.
You’re imagining what you’d be doing if you had classes today. Sleep until you’re not nocturnal anymore. Put thoughts of homework to bed too.
Time to put higher education completely out of your mind. Spring break is here; you deserve this, girl! If you’re sticking around, there are still shenanigans to be had.
You’re deep enough into spring break and far enough from the end to let it all loose. Live a little and, while you’re at it, don’t forget to send Street your crazy SB texts.
Seems like things have been getting frisky in the M&T office, according to this email, recently sent by an administrator for the Jerome Fisher Program in Management and Technology.
Although the nature of the “inappropriate behavior” wasn’t specified, we think it may have had something to do with a senior’s recent answer to a Street survey. Weirdest place one guy ever hooked up? “M&T office. Free printing AND a blowjob.” The stress must be getting to you. Next time, though, we suggest you take it somewhere more private (Van Pelt stacks anyone?)
Love. Dystopia. Corn being like sex. Welcome to the world of fact (or fiction), as Street brings you its Annual Fiction Issue.
This week, Highbrow welcomes the return of the LocustLexicon, providing you with acronyms that are perfect ad libs when you’re SALFing from the SNAG that you slept with last weekend. Wow, TWA. Ego decides to tackle another important (yet we still have classes?) calendar day and center everything on our favorite Prez, A-Gutt. Not really. Instead, we’re having a palooza to celebrate the dear past heads of our country. Puck Frinceton. And Woodrow Wilson. Arts gets all dreamy with Shepard Fairey. Read the rest of this entry »